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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about protecting your energy by creating good boundaries – not only with other people – but with yourself.
In this podcast you’ll find:
- Life is not a dress rehearsal podcast
- Everywhere we turn we see society trapped in a drama triangle
- We put too much power into the hands of victims
- We must recoup what we have lost in the drama triangle and turn it into an empowerment dynamic
- The Drama Triangle is dress rehearsal mentality
- “Something has to be fixed before I can live my life.”
- If we want to make an impact in the world, we need to be militant about protecting boundaries
- We sometimes have to set limits with ourselves
- Creating boundaries with yourself requires self-discipline
- Noble distractions – the distraction itself may not be unhealthy, but it may be unhealthy for you
- Some of us have to opt out of the social justice drama to avoid getting lost in the perceived nobility of it all
- The more you know where you’re heading, the less you can be pulled in directions that are distractions from what you’re supposed to do.
- We all want our lives to matter
- What is the point of posting things that create anger or righteous indignation in yourself and others?
- If our lives are going to matter we have to stop doing the crap we have done up until now
- We focus on individuals helping themselves and try to avoid current events and political alliances
- When we don’t have to deal with the drama of survival, it is easy for us to attach to other forms of drama to make our lives mean something
- Virtuous distractions can rob you of the energy you need to reach your true potential
- Are you staying on a nutritious path or being distracted by the purpose version of candy
- The universe doesn’t care about how many Facebook likes you have
- Posting stuff to Facebook doesn’t help anybody. Take action yourself.
- Change comes when you change the minds and hearts of people
- No savior is going to make the changes necessary. We have to be the savior!
- If we are going to see a change in the world we have to do it.
- When you grow up in the context of social media you imagine that what happens virtually happens literally. But that’s not how it works.
- The same skills that work in social media don’t translate to the physical plane
- People under 30 spend 41% of their day on their phone.
- We are becoming more disconnected from each other
- Social media seduces us into thinking we are doing something by being engaged with it
- It is powerful for people to be physically in each other’s presence
- Our infrastructure is crumbling because we live in a virtual world.
- Everyone believes things have to change for someone to live the life they want, but it happens in the opposite
- People go and do the things that are important to them, and they gain empowerment along the way
- Self-actualization is an emergent that comes from getting into action
- Don’t mistake online rules for real-world rules. They aren’t transferable
- Protect yourself against the seduction of the things that siphon your mental real estate
- The drama from social media is not a giver. It is a taker. You don’t get anything from it but synthetic hits. It’s like Cheetos. There’s no nutritional value.
- When you try to do something big and you have a trajectory even if you don’t accomplish your task you will still make progress because you are in action.
- We frame personal growth as being an epic action that changes the world, but sometimes it is just something small.
- The legacy you leave on Facebook is not going to be your legacy. It won’t have a lasting impact
- Millennials: It isn’t your job to save the world
- Being empowered doesn’t mean you saved the world. You may be a great parent or human being.
- You impact the world by having every person who engages with you have a better experience
- The idea that you have to change the world is outsourced thinking. There are no rules that say you have to change the world.
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13 comments
Thank you for this episode! I’ve been struggling with the constant push from social media and real-life friends to “take up my cause.” But as an INTJ, I see their well intentioned efforts (protests, sharing articles and memes, wearing X color for X cause) as futile and pointless. It feeds the victim culture which does only harm to true victims.
My resistance to “joining up” has led to guilt and anxiety and even a touch of depression. So I go through cycles of avoiding media and social media, but then feeling guilt for ignoring real problems in the world, so I get sucked back in. You helped me realize that it’s all a distraction, and it’s depleting my time and energy that I could be using for tangible, positive outcomes for myself and others.
Part of my business model is to give 10% of profits to causes important to me. Every minute I spend worrying about this is stealing money from those causes! I wouldn’t have made this connection without this very candid episode. Thank you.
On a personal note, I am heartened to hear that you guys have made the decision to bring your daughter more into your day to day lives. As a former homeschooler/unschooler I think this is the key to success. To me (INFJ) the great gift of homeschooling is that our children are not separated from our lives (usually into an institution) where they get fed a synthetic version of life and learning; but instead they are integrated into the messy and meaningful ‘real’ world – under the loving eye of their family.Bravo you!
On a different note, I am wondering if you might record some content on balancing focus on our goals with downtime, play and silence in our lives. I thought this podcast had a great message about creating boundaries that protect our purpose in life from distractions and energy drains, and I would love to hear a discussion on protecting our purpose and energy by allowing ourselves to not always focus on our goals, but to instead balance this focus with the kind of unfocussed activity that allows creativity to flourish.
I have been inspired to ask about this because I happened, on this morning’s commute, to listen to chapter 5 of The Happiness Track, “Get More Done by Doing More of Nothing – The Secret to Accessing Creativity”. I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic :)
Wow! Just finished listening to this week’s podcast about self discipline and boundaries. How did this resonate with me? Let me count the ways!
My biggest personal growth moment in last 3-6 months is honestly, finding you guys!
As an INFJ, I have been working on developing my CoPilot of Harmony. Joel is right, it is sometimes excruciating to learn how to set boundaries. But I can see how it will be so valuable because my mission has become to help other’s find their journey in life. I am currently in training to become a yoga teacher and developing these boundaries energetically will be so helpful as I begin teaching.
As a recently retired public school teacher, I now have the time and energy to put into developing my new mission. This includes developing a following on social media to help promote my business as a yoga teacher and a tutor to elementary school aged students. I totally identify with the “drama triangle” that Antonia spoke about. Thank you for naming that for me. I could see what was happening but didn’t have the vocabulary to connect to it. Now that I have that vocabulary, it will be easier for me to watch out for it and set that boundary.
Getting sucked into trying to “change the world” has been weighing on my heart lately, especially with all that has been happening in our nation this last week. Your podcast has helped me re-focus and get back on track. The very next thing I’m going to do when I finish typing this is write down my mission statement for my business and my life!
By the way, So. Florida is beautiful in the Winter. It might be the perfect location for a meetup in January. “Jus sayin”
Thanks so much for the beautiful energy you both are putting out into the world. Trust me…you are making a difference.
Namaste` y’all!