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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about “the deferred life program” that people often find themselves living.
In this podcast you’ll find:
- Amazing things are happening around us every day, but all we can think of is the thing we need to be doing instead of being present.
- Are you deferring the moments in your child’s life assuming you will have another chance in the future?
- Everything is temporary. If you spend your life deferring everything, what will you regret when your life is ending?
- Some of us have deeply embedded programming that encourages us to defer life
- Society sees nobility in the deferred life program. There’s nothing noble about designing life the way you want it.
- People who create the lives they want are seen as lucky or selfish.
- We have more control over our day to day lives than we think.
- “Real life will begin sometime in the future. I need to suck it up now, but things will be much better in the future.”
- People will tell you to stay present with your children because they grow up so fast. That is considered a noble occupation.
- There is less messaging in society that you should quit a job that makes you feel miserable.
- People see nobility in the struggle of working a job that supports the family even if you are miserable.
- “Life begins at retirement.”
- Deferred life propaganda can rob you of your life and add needless stress
- It’s not whether you are allowing indulgences in your life, it is whether you are in your life right now.
- Are you living the life you want to be living?
- “Life is not a dress rehearsal.”
- This life is real. Stay present instead of waiting for life to begin.
- Some paradigms teach that this life isn’t the real life. That believers need to spend their time today preparing for a future paradise.
- It is a skill to take your circumstances and make the best of them, which is something we can learn from these paradigms.
- But some paradigms teach that nothing is good, so there’s no point in changing things for the better.
- We settle into unhappy situations because we don’t think we have the permission to change.
- We believe that making meaningful choices to suit ourselves is somehow bad, so we become more and more under-resourced until we can’t function.
- “I’m supposed to be living this.”
- “If I’m going to be a good person, this is what people do.”
- We can architect our life, but changing direction and architecting something different is difficult and time-consuming.
- “I don’t like my life! Who is responsible for me not liking my life today?” You are responsible
- Wanting something different means architecting something different which requires permitting yourself to want something different
- Stop kicking the can down the road
- The deferred life program involves a lot of waiting. Waiting for someone or something to come along and rescue you.
- We are actually waiting on ourselves.
- There’s no board of directors for our life that is planning the next phase for us.
- Maybe it is selfish to allow yourself to become so unhappy that you can’t be present with your children
- Suck the marrow out of life!
- We aren’t talking about delayed gratification: work hard now and get a better return in the future
- Deferred life is a different mentality: it is a lack of permission to live the life you want
- The first step is the awareness that you tend to think this way
- We wait for the movie moment that kicks off the life we want: wedding day, 21st birthday, the birth of our first child, etc.
- We keep waiting for the epic scene where we are the hero of our own story.
- “If it is to be it is up to me.”
- It is hard to design the lifestyle you want.
- Sometimes when we honestly look at our lives, we see that we live an enviable life, but we are still kicking the can down the road
- We get addicted to the future paced viewpoint
- Some types may struggle with the tendency to defer to the future more than others.
- What are the things you are deferring in your life?
- Slow everything down and take the time to get present in your life
- What would happen if you didn’t fulfill your promises? What is it you want to do? What is the ROI?
- There is a lot of work to make sure you are truly in your life.
- If you don’t want to live a deferred life you are going to have to go down to the wiring of your life and ask yourself the questions you don’t want to ask
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