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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about the differences between personality types in how they experience judgment.

In this podcast you’ll find:

  • What is judgement and how does it affect our lives? How creating the Empowered for INFJs and INFPs course prompted Joel and Antonia to explore their relationship with judgement.
  • Joel’s experience with judgement as an Authenticity (Fi) and Effectiveness (Te) user.
  • Antonia’s experience as an Accuracy (Ti) and Harmony (Fe) user – and a recent situation that caused her to examine her thoughts on judgement.
  • Where does the saying “judgement is a knife” come from – and why does this metaphor capture the nature of its effects?
  • Joel uses a personal example to illustrate that the degree to which you swallow external judgement is really based on your own internal judgements.
  • What happens when judgement becomes a habituated way of thinking?
  • The apparent virtue of self-deprecation – and why this actually “cuts” connection.
  • Changing your perspective and response when someone “hands you a knife”.
  • The relationship between the extraverted judging functions and judgement.
  • The difference between using calibration and judgement as a way to measure yourself and your results.
  • Adopting a gratitude practice to overcome self-judgement.
  • Reapplying judgement as a tool for praise – and why people can resist this.

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  • Wendy Linn
    • Wendy Linn
    • June 17, 2020 at 8:29 pm

    I think I did respond to “mess” As well. As an ENTP who jas listened to over 100 podcasts, it just wasn’t representative of your overall style and intent. I went right to authenticity. Now that Ive heard your reaction, BAM! I completely see myself in this. Your calibrating role is counter to such a broad statement! But BOY! Do I feel LONELY all the time when I reach out to be humorousconnected and it flops.

    Again, SUCH a huge insight into my own functions through you!

    Keep showin’ up girl! Joke more! Maybe with quotes around any written chagrin.

  • Antonia Dodge
    • Antonia Dodge
    • November 27, 2019 at 4:27 pm

    Thanks for fleshing that out more. I personally enjoy humanizing myself with failures. The worst place on the planet is on top of a pedestal. The fall is always such a pain in the ass.


  • Joy Malek
    • Joy Malek
    • November 26, 2019 at 5:27 am

    I’m an INFJ, and I confess to having had a strong reaction to the line, “Kids, you’re a mess,” too. Antonia, I don’t align with my initial reaction, but it was anger akin to a sense of betrayal. I think that the majority of us INFJs (& INFPs) go through life with a conscious or unconscious fear that we ARE a mess. That indictment of myself still occasionally surfaces when Ni dominance leads to some major sensate blunder. I think most INFXs have experienced judgment and shame due to not being able to function more efficiently, or more like other people— leaving us feeling like a mess.

    The betrayal I felt was actually part of a fantasy I think we, your listeners can easily fall into: That you understand typology so thoroughly (which you do!) that you can see into our souls (no one can!), and so must have known the very raw nerve the word “mess” was striking. Hearing you talk about the observation of how others connect that inspired this line was so endearing. I deeply appreciate yours and Joel’s transparency for many reasons, not least of all because when you bring your own typology into the conversation, it humanizes and contextualizes for me your extremely valuable perspectives.

  • Michael (A.A)
    • Michael (A.A)
    • November 24, 2019 at 2:27 am

    I tend to share a lot of my opinions (as respectfully as I can while finding common ground) on the internet since I love discussing ideas with others, and I find when I have critics, they make the mistake of criticizing me on competence (Te) than how socially accepted I am (Fe). Usually I just make the habit of giving a set of tasks to do to Te users and telling them they can try it themselves if I want to convince them something would work. This method in debate can piss off less developed FPs sometimes but it often gains the respect of TJs more. I use my Ne to think up all kinds of experiments for Te users to try, and hopefully they’ll find it to be “useful”. As an NTP, I noticed when NTPs and NTJs work together, I have some friends, the NTPs will often have a lot of ideas but lack the organizational ability to implement them. The NTJs will have a lot of organizational ability to implement long term ideas, but will have less of a flexibility to work out ideas when things don’t go with the plan along the way. So what happens when we work together? Boom. Friendship! Or well, more than that sometimes.

    I find that in places like debate forums, for instance, unhealthy feelers are more likely to make arguments on my character around this. I mean, come on, this is literally a place for discussion to make healthy conflict. Why else would you come here in the first place? “You’re forcing others what to think.” I keep saying I never said I’m trying to force them what to think, and my Fe feels hurt in being told I’m breaking some of the ethics of debate. (1. Find points of agreement first. 2. Never make insults as arguments. 3. Always try to listen to both sides fairly.)

    I find that a lot of Fi users, immature ones (I’ve met some very intelligent ones, mind you), is that they often make arguments on the fact that this discussion on social issues doesn’t discuss them specifically. It’s like when you’re discussing debate on what to do with mental health issues around depression, but they’re so angry you didn’t include OCD or bipolar. They feel “boxed in” apparently. I keep saying if they have different ways to work to grow themselves, they’re free to try it. The thing about debate on societal issues is that it’s impossible to accommodate every single unique situation, and I’m far from an expert on every unique background, mental or physical disease, and special differences some would emphasize. But I keep insisting that I think of solutions to respect EVERYONE’s individuality. I try to think of as many for as many different groups I can, but I can’t do “EVERYONE”, as some people keep insisting.

    It’s like when FPs seem to get irrationally angry that all of the advice from a book, a video or a podcast doesn’t apply to them individually. Come on, people who make resources like that can’t possibly get to know the thousands or millions of people individually who consume their resources. Take what works for you from it, and ignore the others. Period.

  • Seely
    • Seely
    • November 19, 2019 at 1:53 pm

    The talk of the knife reminded me of your earlier comment in a recent podcast about ‘preferring surgery as an approach.’ I very much agree that one has a choice between whether something is used as a weapon or a tool. (By the way, going back to the Goddess podcasts- I see/hear you relate to Aphrodite. I stand corrected ☺)

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