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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about the differences between personality types in how they experience judgment.
In this podcast you’ll find:
- What is judgement and how does it affect our lives? How creating the Empowered for INFJs and INFPs course prompted Joel and Antonia to explore their relationship with judgement.
- Joel’s experience with judgement as an Authenticity (Fi) and Effectiveness (Te) user.
- Antonia’s experience as an Accuracy (Ti) and Harmony (Fe) user – and a recent situation that caused her to examine her thoughts on judgement.
- Where does the saying “judgement is a knife” come from – and why does this metaphor capture the nature of its effects?
- Joel uses a personal example to illustrate that the degree to which you swallow external judgement is really based on your own internal judgements.
- What happens when judgement becomes a habituated way of thinking?
- The apparent virtue of self-deprecation – and why this actually “cuts” connection.
- Changing your perspective and response when someone “hands you a knife”.
- The relationship between the extraverted judging functions and judgement.
- The difference between using calibration and judgement as a way to measure yourself and your results.
- Adopting a gratitude practice to overcome self-judgement.
- Reapplying judgement as a tool for praise – and why people can resist this.
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14 comments
EDIT: I wanted to edit the comment because I was looking for the e-mail Antonia mentioned and I can’t seem to find it even though I could swear that I read it! Is this Mandela effect?!
Anyways the point of this reply is to suggest that you add an “edit” option to the comment section. :-)
I died of laughter when Joel said “We’re inside your head” and Antonia said “Girl! you’re a mess!” I’m sorry you got back lashed, I read the e-mail and thought it was pretty funny and I perceived the connection Antonia talked about at the moment!
As an INTJ I do struggle with judging myself and others more than I’d like to admit. I tend to feel a lot of people is “stupid”. And even though I consider myself a very intelligent person, I also think I’m stupid for ANY mistake that I make, no matter how small it is (so judging others is nothing more than a reflection, although I don’t want to admit it!). This gets worse when I’m under stress, were every little mistake is just another reason why I’m stupid and so are others, and then it’s a loop of negativity towards myself and others until I recluse myself to books, video games, work, and solitude to calm my inner name-calling voice! Then I emerge like beautiful butterfly (Girl, I’m a mess! Hahaha).
Anyways, thanks for the podcast! Very interesting as always!
When the new episode come out, my first reaction was that it’s probably not one for me. I mean, I am a fairly mature INFJ, I take pride in not judging people, so I don’t have judgement issues, right?! I still listened in because I love your podcast overall – and wow, did that strike me! Turns out, I do have judgement issue – self-judgement issues, to be precise.
I have been struggling recently with episodes of my deepest insecurities hitting me badly and I’ve been trying to wrap my head around what that trigger process is. Listening to your podcast, it suddenly popped to my conscious in full clarity: it’s a judgement issue, and the problem is, it’s judgement of my immature 10 year old playing the judge. So really what’s happening is that I am going into a full blown tertiary loop…
My issues is that of feeling unwanted, not important (to people that are important for me), or just being played with. If someone who I feel strongly connected to doesn’t act or react in a way I want or need it, my Ni-Ti tandem gets me into a bad self-judgement loop. For example, someone I deeply care for showed less than normal responsiveness, was less available than usual. So, lacking interaction, which would allow me to perceive actual Information, my Ni began to fill the gaps and a pattern emerged that my Ti believed to accurately recognize as one that showed lack of sincerity of that person. So Ti told Ni to look for more clues that would support that judgement – and of cause Ni saw a whole fireworks of indications that Ti willingly took into consideration for the (self-)judgement.
I realized this when I listened to Antonia talking about the habitual self-judgement that we tend to constantly apply and that drives our thought processes. So, I think what’s happening is that about habitual thought processes can push us into the loop, unless we are using the virtual knife as a tool to cut the loop and open up our mental processes to include the extraverted view. In my case, I found myself in a long and very deep conversation with said person and that gave me the much needed Fe perspective and supported my extraverted judgment process (turned out she was just extremely busy and stressed out). So I began to see the situation differently and, very important for me as an INFJ, I was able to look at it from an extraverted point of view.
So, I guess that was a long comment just to say that I really appreciated this episode as an unexpected, but very profound thought starter! Well done personality hackers!
Excellent and insightful as always.
Personally, I tend to feel judged for what I believe and often I fear disconnection if I were to reveal what I really think. I only speak freely to a handful of close friends whom I trust.
I also tend to be critical of what people in positions of influence teach others. I have been making an effort to keep my minor criticisms to myself in order to maintain positive relationships (I still speak up for the important stuff, though). I think I’ll take your advice and try to find good things that people say and call them out for it.
I loved this episode! I enjoy all of your podcasts but how my Fe/Ti axis receives and deals with real or perceived judgement is something I have been doing some in-depth work on for the past year or so, so this podcast really struck me.
I also wanted to add that I am an auxiliary Fe user and I still find navigating the nuanced Fe world a bit of a minefield and put my foot in it a lot.
Thanks for the awesome content?