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In this episode, Joel and Antonia answer two questions from the Personality Hacker community. They answer an ISTP who doesn’t feel like they deserve connection and help an IxTx navigate toward their best fit personality type.

In this podcast you’ll find:

  • Joel and Antonia dedicate this episode to answering listeners’ questions.
  • First question: As an ISTP with Extraverted Feeling (Harmony) as my Inferior (3-yr-old) function, I feel like I don’t deserve connection since I am bad at it. How do I get better at Extraverted Feeling?
  • The difficulties xTxP women face.
  • Reasons it is hard to find others who understand you as an xTxP woman.
  • Why Introverts face certain challenges.
  • What is the advantage you have with Extraverted Feeling (Harmony) in the Inferior (3-year old) position?
  • Why Extraverted Feeling (Harmony) isn’t the only way we connect with each other.
  • What Introversion and Extraversion have to do with connection and intimacy.
  • How Extraverted Sensing (Sensation) helps ISTPs build connection.
    • Ways being physically active helps.
    • Actively using your body even during a pandemic.
    • The power of spending time around others.
    • What happens when you share yourself.
  • What limiting belief does to us.
  • Ways we undermine ourselves when we don’t think we deserve something.
  • How you can help others understand you better?.
  • Why we don’t need to master our Inferior (3-year old) function.
  • The incredible ways your Auxiliary (Co-pilot) and Dominant (Driver) functions help your Inferior (3-year old) function.
  • Second Question: As an IxTx, I need help discovering my type. How do I navigate all the online opinions about type?
  • The difficulties of so much conflicting information online.
  • Are there reliable online sources Personality Hacker recommends?
  • Why sticking with someone you find reliable matters.
    • Figuring out who is still learning their type vs others further along the journey.
    • The tried and true books and resources people in the Type Community use.
    • Using the MILO database to learn.
  • Ways you can narrow down your type.
  • Why we sometimes skip developing our Auxiliary (Co-pilot) function.
    • A helpful analogy using the car model.
  • Understanding the effects of age on cognitive functions.
    • How each function in each position gets more dynamic.
    • Ways Joel and Antonia’s Auxiliary (Co-pilot) functions showed up in younger years.
  • How our environment and experiences influence our cognitive functions.
  • How the FIRM Model can help you.
  • Personality Hacker consultants who can help you.
  • Making the journey of discovering your type enjoyable.
  • Why sharing your experience and questions matters to this podcast.

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  • Helen
    • Helen
    • April 5, 2021 at 2:58 pm

    My husband is an ISTP and struggles to enjoy the deeper conversations that I enjoy as a way to connect. He’s not into typology so his solution came instinctively from his own experience. If I want to talk in a deeper way about something, he’ll say can we talk when we a) go for a walk or b) go for a drive into the countryside, which we do most weekends (outside of the pandemic). He finds it far easier to engage when he combines talking with doing. I developed more patience over time to wait until a good time for us to talk. This has worked really well because we have often had better conversations when he feels relaxed.

    I’m realising as I type, that he seems far more comfortable talking on a more ad hoc basis these days without the Se element. I think that’s because I’ve accepted his need for the Se element and that he then paradoxically, has felt more relaxed for Se not to be included. I’ve often said I’m not looking for a solution, just for him to hold space and if needed to be my soft place to fall and I do the same for him of course. If I talk about something abstract like spirituality/healing and he experiences a ‘blank’ and just doesn’t know how to respond, I’ve asked him to acknowledge that his lack of interest in an area of my life that is very important to me, is going to be difficult for me and he essentially tries to step into my shoes a little, to see my perspective. This then feels to me like he’s connecting to my feelings in the moment by saying honestly how he feels (disinterested in healing) and that must be hard for me. Even though I’d prefer not to have to tell him what I want/need from him, the fact that he so earnestly wants to make me happy means an awful lot to me: and so the loving connection happens :)

    I’ve often acknowledged that it’s great how he’s willing is to listen to what I need and then adapt his responses and put those things into practice. He remembers what I’ve said and then incorporates my needs quite seamlessly and naturally in what appears to be quite effortless, which I really appreciate. Ultimately, he really wants me to be happy and that’s a great basis for connection! We are quite opposite in many ways, I’m XNFX. We found a way forward in 22 years of marriage due in large part to my interest in personality, growth, healing etc because we get how differently we are wired. The thing that separates us also brings us together!

  • IxTx?
    • IxTx?
    • January 24, 2021 at 6:01 pm

    Whoa! Half an episode dedicated to my questions! I never thought that would happen – not particularly regarding this podcast, but anywhere anytime, I’m used to being ignored… – Thanks!

    Great that you provided suitable sources for more or less the “bullet points”. As previously commented, that is one of the problems I’ve been having. I think I already have Jung’s book downloaded, although only partially read. I’ll at least continue that, and maybe get a hold of the others you recommended.

    Didn’t you have Q&A episodes in the beginning of the podcast, years ago? (I did a lot of backlog listening when I first found it.) Resuming that concept would be a great idea. It would be best to have them listed on a separate sub-page so that they are easy to find. (Just please keep having it subsidized by your products, and not the “Patreon exclusive” – i.e. paywalled – bull**** that every other podcast is doing these days… Yes, financing and everything, but it is not just an economic threshold for potential listeners but also a privacy problem.)

    From the FIRM stuff, I’d say I lean a bit more to J, although nothing definitive, particularly considering Justine G’s comment. Something to keep in mind though.

    There’s probably more I should have said here, but I’ll have to listen at least once more to this episode, as I have already forgot a lot, and this is already becoming a Wall of Text…

    Once again, thanks!

  • Justine G
    • Justine G
    • January 23, 2021 at 2:31 pm

    With regard to ‘returning to the source/seminal works’, I personally found Jung’s description of introverted sensation very different to that later developed by Myers Briggs and everyone thereafter. I think Dario Nardi briefly acknowledged this in your recent podcast.

    Jung depicts both Si and Ni dominant people (in their more ‘pronounced’ form at least) as impractical and unsuited to the demands of the outside world, and both prone to outlandish perceptions and visions. It seems quite a large leap to the ‘ISJs are practical and earthbound’ concept that later developed.

  • Justine G
    • Justine G
    • January 23, 2021 at 2:18 pm

    Thanks again Guys,

    I would like to point out however that acccording to your own FIRM theory (as expressed in your book) that ‘your type doesn’t dictate your FIRM fixation, and your FIRM fixation doesn’t dictate your type’, particularly noting that having a stronger fixation with that more associated with the tertiary function is quite common.

    I think therefore it is a bad idea to use this as a type diagnostic tool, particularly with people who are really having trouble narrowing down a type, as having an ‘atypical’ FIRM fixation may be part of the reason they are having trouble self-typing, thus this could just intensify the confusion.

  • Julia
    • Julia
    • January 20, 2021 at 5:57 am

    Thank you so much taking the time to answer my question so thoroughly in this podcast. I think you just handed me a couple of really key pieces of the puzzle that I was missing. I hadn’t considered the secondary function as an entry point for the inferior function, sort of a loop but one for good.

    Also, the point about all of the extroverted functions being connection builders not just harmony/extroverted feeling is another big piece I was missing and definitely does fall into the blind spot category given how obvious it is once pointed out and that I was stuck thinking that the solving the problem of harmony was the only option.

    I really enjoy using extroverted sensing (and as you correctly guessed I do have a very ISTPy list of sports I enjoy as well just getting outdoors to explore) so am particularly delighted that the solution starts there even if trying to find something that includes other people, is not particularly pandemic compatible at the moment. Waiting a bit longer is vastly preferable than continung to think the answer is solely buried in the mysteries of extroverted feeling.

    Thanks again for all the insights!

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