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In this episode, Joel and Antonia continue a podcast series started several years ago – talking about how to deal with your relationship with your parents.

In this podcast you’ll find:

  • Joel explains why he and Antonia are going to visit her father who has been given just a few months to live – this trip could be her last chance to see him.
  • Listen to part 1 and part 2 in this series to hear more about Antonia’s story.
  • How is Antonia feeling right now?
  • Antonia shares some of her history with her family.
  • What’s Antonia’s approach to handling the situation as they embark on this trip?
  • Why does Antonia feel it’s important to share her experience through the podcast?
  • Examining the importance and prevalence of the biological ties we have to our family.
  • What happens when you have ideological conflicts with those you love?
  • “Disconnection burns time” – looking at the potential cost of being righteous about the differing opinions you have from the people in your life.
  • Why people use social media as a way to project their own struggles as ideologies onto the outside world.
  • How our loyalty to future abstractions can rob us of our present relationships.
  • How is the personal growth work Antonia has done impacting her response to this situation?
  • Why it can seem like we’re taking steps back in personal growth when we encounter people from our past or an earlier point in our growth journey.
  • How is Joel feeling about the current situation?
  • How can you show love to the people in your life who have different paradigms and worldviews?

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  • Caty Lee
    • Caty Lee
    • July 31, 2021 at 1:19 am

    This was such an immersive and beautiful conversation.

    I was especially intrigued by Antonia’s observation around the re-activation of old programming in situations that trigger feelings we had before we built resources for handling them. This is massive a struggle for me.

    Around family & friends from childhood or younger adulthood, I often fear that if I don’t “properly articulate” my perspective on a topic then it means my thinking is incomplete or faulty. The feeling sometimes appears as a nagging sense of betraying my values. Yet the loyalty to the values often creates distance from myself and others, and I usually end up going against another value, to connect, so it creates negative emotion any way.
    You’ve mentioned in previous podcasts that Introverted Feeling feels driven by a need to resonate with people and experiences “at an identity level” so that might be what’s happening.

    the ideas here (as well as those in the narratives vs. tools episode) really gave me some freeing perspectives.

    It’s useful, as you say, to consider that values and programs are software and our connection to the flesh is the hardware. There’s a loyalty toward the hardware that’s hard to outpace because it’s also our connection to immediacy (the present moment), which is really all we have. this is in many ways the message of death.

    I also really liked Joel’s comment that essentially we’re missing out on opportunities for growth by only being around people who share our beliefs.

    The conversation also reminded me of a Terence McKenna statement I love;
    namely that

    It’s against my dignity
    as a body to accept
    some ideology.

    This podcast is so eye opening and curiosity inducing, and I always finish with multiple article and/or song ideas.

    Sending both of you love.

  • Antonia Dodge
    • Antonia Dodge
    • July 31, 2021 at 4:56 pm

    Thanks, William. :)


  • Marilyn
    • Marilyn
    • July 30, 2021 at 9:32 pm

    Sometimes “separation” (cutting people out of your life), while still maintaining a feeling of Love for the person is CONDUCIVE to one’s growth and development, not to mention physical, emotional, mental, spiritual health. But I agree that “coming back” to interact with the person after a period of growth is a good test as to where you are at and how much you’ve grown.

  • Antonia Dodge
    • Antonia Dodge
    • July 31, 2021 at 4:56 pm

    Thank you!


  • William (ISFJ)
    • William (ISFJ)
    • July 29, 2021 at 10:22 pm

    Ditto to what both John and Vanessa said (you know, besides locations). Having heard your voices in my ears for a couple hundred hours, I hope on a very personal level for your whole family’s best. Been praying for y’all!


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