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On this episode of the Personality Hacker podcast, Joel and Antonia dive into how ENFJs can use personality know-how to embrace and love who they are. The conversation also touches on what the other 15 personality types can learn from ENFJs about self-love.


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  • Ian Lees
    • Ian Lees
    • March 3, 2024 at 12:44 am

    …another one from me as the insights keep coming…I realise that I thought everyone saw what I see. I assumed everyone images future scenarios in detail and felt the vibe in a room or family or having felt the vibe, could see the relationship train wreck that was going to unfold. At times I also discounted or even mocked my way of seeing when other people told me I was crazy or that I worry to much..‘what you said isn’t going on at all..your just being negative’. I would go ‘oh yeah, that’s me crazy old Ian". Two practical things from this for me…I don’t have to share the inner workings of my mind, I can just offer the outcome or offer a suggestion. And the second, is to STOP playing small on my type strengths just so I can get a shot of harmony…thanks again for your work generally and this podcast, Ian

  • Ian Lees
    • Ian Lees
    • February 29, 2024 at 12:47 am

    Hi Antonia and Joel, I have been listening to your podcasts for a couple of years now but this one just blew me away. I am an 66 year old ENFJ. For alot of my life I have over-given (sometime when other people didn’t really ask for it!) and feel like I spent many years driven unconsciously to be, do and think what I thought other people expected me to be, do and think. My critical voice felt more like a big, tough, slobby teenage thug rather than a 3 year old! Happily, over a period of probably 10-15 years I have been slowly growing into greater freedom, acceptance and enjoyment of myself and my type. Your work has been an important part of this by given framing and deep and solid foundations for my experience. This podcast absolutely nailed it…are you sure we arent in the Truman Show and you guys have just be secretly videoing my inner world! Antonia, the depth, richness and clarity of your teach on ENFJ is amazing and has given my such a solid understanding of my life experience. Joel, I just love your added insights and your inspiration as well. Thanks yo you guys for this. You bring a wonderful gift into the world, Ian

  • Melissa
    • Melissa
    • February 28, 2024 at 12:17 pm

    Just listened to this episode, I’ve been listening y’all for a while. I’m an ENTP woman and my husband is an ENFJ. From my perspective, which admittedly is probably quite similar to yours as ENxPs, y’all are pretty on the money with this advice and the type of things we struggle with. It is very difficult to love someone without self love, because he just doesn’t believe it, like he’s been successfully fooling me this whole time and I just don’t know how awful he really is. So I’m glad you worded it with “able to receive love” because that’s the key. I found this relatable and generic enough to apply to all the different flavors of this type. I have struggled for a while to understand his Ti because he uses it so differently than me, it’s strange because the critical voice is accurate, and him being very good at his very mechanical job and good at Ti when he needs to, but when it comes to any extra it is a question of patience. He has no time for it and or reaches a boiling point very quickly. Same as me having the most organized office at work but cannot for the life of me dedicate time to the tedium of dishes at home. We as if I come across an issue that needs to be figured out I can completely dedicate ridiculous time to it, whether it has value or not. Anyways I find it easier to relate to his frustration when I think of my inferior function and how it tortures me, than to think about my Ti. Perhaps you will find this useful while discussing other types with functions that overlap your own. Blah blah blah, love you two lots, keep up the good work.

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