PHQ | QUESTIONS: INFJ Personality Relationships

8 comments

• 

  • Bree
  • July 10, 2017 at 4:06 am

  Hey Taffy,

  I know this is way behind/late. I’m an INFJ (female though) and when I get really worked up there’s 2 things I typically need: time to cool off after a rant…usually in a book, doing something productive, or being creative OR I need to go to who I’m really upset with and get the apology/discussion aired out with the person I’m upset with. Likely he’s organizing his thoughts and actually figuring out what the actual emotions are. I FEEL mine, but I often can’t identify why or where they are coming from without discussing/dissecting it with someone close. Being there and reflecting back the words or rearranging them so that the INFJ feels heard or understood is usually what it takes. Even saying it “wrong” makes us attempt to clarify in a way that brings out that understanding. Hope that helps!! ENFP & INFJs are typically an amazing pair. Some of my very best friends are ENFPs.

• 

  • Taffy
  • August 31, 2016 at 6:18 am

  Hi! :) I’m an ENFP and I’ve been dating an INFJ for about 6/7 months… as expected with the INFJ, it’s taken the longest time for him to open up especially about anything even remotely related to his emotions. Last night however, he had some sort of emotional breakdown about unspoken tension/conflict he is sensing from his family at home. This is the first time he shared a personal problem with me and I’d imagine that’s a big deal considering how he usually prefers to sit inside himself and not talk about himself much. He was really upset and even admitted that his emotions were feeling messed up. My ENFP self obviously pulled out the inspirational, cheerleader in me in an attempt to come to the rescue. First of all I listened, asked questions then I tried to affirm and encourage him. At the end of it seemed like he had disintegrated even more and he had one final mini rant before resorting to going and trying to sleep it off.

  Any advice on how to hold space for a distressed INFJ or how to be there/support without being invasive or counter-productive?

• 

  • Kate B.
  • May 21, 2016 at 2:55 pm

  ‘@kelly. – I wondered about something that I heard in the question that didn’t seem to show up in the podcast. Just a thought. You mentioned that you weren’t sure how to feel about the potential loss of uniqueness, that if you AND your partner are both INFJs, that makes one or both of you less special. I’m also an INFJ and that line of thought struck me as profoundly familiar. I just wanted to affirm what I sensed as your vulnerability there and to note that when that kind of harsh evaluation of my own feelings happens… it’s, as you know, usually a signpost to pay attention, an indication of a fear or hurt in myself that needs attention. Radical acceptance. Maybe this is an opportunity for you to exercise your perspectives super power in service to understanding yourself a little better. Again, just a thought. Feel free to disregard entirely. :)

• 

  • Kelly
  • June 30, 2015 at 5:42 am

  Thanks Charis, some great info there!
  Much appreciated xoxo

• 

  • Charis Branson
  • June 29, 2015 at 1:34 pm

  Thanks for the feedback on the PHQ Kelly! I’m glad it resonated so much with the INTJs in your life.

  As to profiling children, you shouldn’t feel guilty about putting a label on your child. You absolutely need to figure out their strengths and weaknesses and how to support them in their development. Too many people just medicate kids they don’t understand and that is awful!

  Antonia wrote an article not too long ago that touches on this subject:
  http://www.personalityhacker.com/how-to-know-your-kids-personality-type/

  Also, we have an amazing program on personality in relationships. It is a 3 part program that goes from dating and marriage to family and child-rearing. The whole program can be purchased as a suite or individually. Here is the link for the Children & Family portion:
  http://www.personalityhacker.com/personalities-in-children-and-family/