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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
This was truly an amazing pod-cast. I feel understood finaly. Thank you.
I’m an INFJ male, and this was so true. I got everything that was spoken. Every example has happened to me before. People think I’m super weird because I know how they feel even if I haven’t been in their situation. People come up to me and tell me their problems, even if I don’t necessarily care about it. I feel guilty for it. I’m more in touch with my emotions, which is not a typical male personality type. When I’m angry, I cry; when I’m sad, I cry. I’m so emotional. It’s kind of ridiculous. I don’t like social situations at all, and people don’t understand it. I actually have to prepare to get ready for social situations. If I’m forced to go to a social situation, I will not have a good time at all, I need to physically and mentally prepared. It scares me when I go unprepared. I’m somewhat coming out of my shell going to situations like this. I also tend to focus on other people’s feelings and problems. I honestly could care less about my problems and feelings. I feel like, it’s my job to have them be better if that means that I don’t care about myself then whatever to me. I need to change that, I understand that. This made me think a lot. Who knows what will come out of this. :)
So what I do, to de-stress me as an INFJ, I write. As said, in the podcast, we know how powerful words can be. It’s so true. When I’m stressed out, I go to my safe place, I go into my room, take out a notebook and pencil and start writing. It’s a wonderful feeling. Another thing that I use to do, I went running. I liked running alone because it gave me time to think about the problems in my life. I didn’t have to think about other people’s problems, I could think about mine and mine alone. Probably the last two things I do is listen to music and shut myself in my room. I don’t know what’s with music, but if I’m listening or playing, it instantly relaxes me and puts me in a better mood. Shutting myself in my room is something that I do quite frequently. It’s another safe place I guess. My family doesn’t like it because sometimes I become anti-social. I’m okay with not socializing a whole lot because it causes me stress and anxiety.
This was a very kind love letter to the INFJ personality and I loved hearing that you are both close to mothers of this personality type. It’s actually something I am concerned will rub off on my children so this was a comfort. There may be a bit of the puzzle missing here though. You described two processes that are constantly at play, sculpting the INFJ mind into a precise instrument that could actually be very beneficial to society… but I don’t know if that’s true. I think it would be very easy for the INFJ mind, especially one that isn’t completely fluid, to get stuck on a notion that then skews all of the data it absorbs and processes. When that happens then all of the information she receives as “intuition” is tainted by dogma or prejudice or other malevolence and the helpful tool you mentioned becomes warped into a instrument of pain for self and others. I really think it’s important for this personality type to constantly remember that you don’t actually know what another person experiences unless you are that person. What you are feeling are the emotions surrounding your skewed perception of what someone else is feeling. You do that person and yourself an injustice when you act based on what you think you have absorbed. I think I read somewhere that many INFJ lives are defined by a search for the truth- perhaps because if we keep gathering more and more sophisticated and intricate information then we will learn more completely and actually become truly useful people (or maybe the ultimate useful person as Jesus and his followers thought himself to be). That’s really misguided. It’s better to examine why you feel intuitive about someone, create a blank spot where your assumptions were, and just listen to them. I kind of feel like INFJ is a personality type where you need to constantly wrestle your own impulses for the common good or else you or others will be hurt. Every couple of years I retake the test hoping that I have changed. So far I haven’t had any luck!
Oh my goodness… Now I understand why I developed clinical depression in Junior High. My dad was fired from his job and was physically disabled at the same time, putting him in a state of clinical depression himself. I absorbed that from him and it really messed me up. In trying to cope with it, I closed myself off and became really distant from my whole family. It’s not been until I moved out that I was able to rebuild some of those relationships that I closed myself off to so many years ago.
Hi Emily – I’ve been doing the live your truth program that has 4 energy types that we operate from, it’s deeper than personality, it’s actually seen in our physical features and body language, etc. Your post reminded me of a classic type 3/type 2 relationship they talk about. It’s hard to explain it all here but there’s a free online energy profiling course to determine your energy type and you can learn how to support your dominate energy type by lifestyle choices and even how you dress, it seems to help a lot of people. Anyway, check it out if you want: https://my.liveyourtruth.com/freecourse/