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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
I have just passed half of this podcast… and I’m crying. I’m crying over the part where INFJs help others with their problems, but don’t receive this kind of help back. It’s so true.
In general exremely hard to form relationships…Also it is easier when I am making myself more selfish towards other people.
This is a great podcast and I am very grateful for your honesty and knowledge. I have just found your website and although I knew I was an INFJ, I did take your test and tested INFJ (so nice to know it is true). It opened up a lot of information on your website and just what I have read and listened to so far has left me feeling lighter inside. Finally! Someone understands me! I look forward to more information and a better understanding of what makes me tick. Just an additional thought, as you highlighted we absorb others emotional states, well, I am currently going through peri-menopause, and that really sucks at times because it makes me even more sensitive and heightens any emotion I am carrying around to the point that I feel like I could rocket myself to the moon with the power of it. It helps to lock myself in a room and work on projects or an activity that calms me. It is important NOT to be around many if any people and not to take on anything until things calm down!
Thank you for taking the time to create this!
I’m an INFJ and really relate to a bunch (just about everything) you discussed in this podcast. Picking up on emotions from strangers at a restaurant? Check! Predicting how relationships will end right from the start? Check!
I shared your podcast with my partner to give him a little more perspective on how I experience the world, social interaction, etc., especially given our history of “learning” to argue. He’s an INTP – so much more logically driven – and he was frustrated when I first asked him to keep calm when we fight/disagree (because I so easily absorb emotions from the people around me). He felt that me asking him to keep calm (especially when I was upset/irrate) was an unfair request because he was being made “responsible for my emotions.” It took a lot of explaining and talking, but we are so much better now at recognizing our sensitivities. At first, he couldn’t grasp this ineffable, psychic effect his emotions had on me – I had to explain it to him in very clear, logical terms. Sometimes, our disagreements got so bad for me that I would just have to run away, close the door, and lock it to have an emotional break from the fight; he didn’t understand this – he wanted us to work everything out and talk until we made up. (Wish I found this podcast earlier!)
Both of us also have a really hard time grappling with the fact that I always feel like I’m on the receiving end of the approval/disapproval of literally everyone I encounter in any given day. “Don’t be so hard on yourself!” he always says. I also have ADHD, so ruminating over perceived social mistakes combined with the INFJ need for social approval/acceptance can be nightmarish! What you guys said about the fact that the INFJ can likewise dole out approval/disapproval is so simple and yet so revolutionary. When I’ve felt the most in control of my social life is when I’ve made the choice to disapprove; a couple of times, I’ve ended friendships because I felt as though I was being used as a psychological/emotional “Help Desk,” as you guys discuss!
But what I came here to contribute is this: when I first found out I was an INFJ, it was so exciting, liberating, and made so much sense. I’m a doctoral student in English Literature and I often teach/read/write about texts with a social justice slant. I consider myself so lucky in that I feel as though my work has purpose (if small and low-paying). I channel my understanding of social relations into my teaching practice and, in a broader sense, use my knowledge of larger social/cultural patterns to disseminate information. My dependency on perspective/intuition may have wreaked hell on my personal and romantic relationships at times, but the skills that come with it are such a benefit, ultimately. I love being able to connect with students, colleagues, texts, and ideas in a way that is meaningful to me!
Thank you again for your insights!
Hey Carol: I am an infj and a nurse too. I no longer long for friends. I talk to people yes but don’t let them use me. I’m more aware that I am not a dumping ground. I decide who deserves to be in my life. I do get psyches and I do not fully know how to separate that. Also at work I feel you same here. Anyway! Hope you are doing well Carol! ?