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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
This was a wonderful episode! I am a MBTI newbie, but it has become my latest fascination (obsession?). So here’s my question: As an INFJ with 4 small children (currently ages 7, 5, 3, & 1) who is also a full-time stay-at-home mom AND a homeschool mom AND a youth group leader (and therefore a mentor to teenage girls), just how does it look practically for me to get that “pamper time” that I need to just keep functioning as a helpful human being? I feel like I am needed 24/7, and I love being the one to fill those needs for my family, but I am also very aware of my own need for down time — time AWAY from people to recharge and reflect. I find that when I try to squeeze this time into a regular day, even if it’s just a coffee in the morning by myself or listening to a podcast while I’m cleaning the kitchen or preparing a meal, it’s almost invariably interrupted which causes tremendous frustration and shortness with the interrupter. The last thing I want is for my needs to get in the way of my service to my family’s needs. It just doesn’t seem possible.
My husband is an ISTP (though I would consider him an “ambivert” or extraverted introvert), so almost my polar opposite, and it can be difficult to express just how important it is for me to have this disconnect time. He’s very supportive and kind towards me, but I’d love for him to really UNDERSTAND my needs. Perhaps, that’s a pie in the sky hope and I just need to come to grips with the fact that I’m going to have to always verbally request the time before I burn out? I don’t know.
Anyway, thanks for the advice! I have loved listening to all the personality type advice podcasts, especially, and gaining insight to the thought processes and behaviors of the people in my spheres of influence. It’s been a perspective changer!
Many INFJs test out middling on the J/P scale because the Driver Function is Ni (Perspectives), a perceiving function.
With my clients, I like to address the difference between either Fe (Harmony) and Fi (Authenticity) OR Ni (Perspectives) and Ne (Exploration) when distinguishing between INFJs and INFPs.
I have a random question from any INFJs or anyone with experience. Would INFJs have any history with Social Anxiety Disorder? Would this avoidant behavior of social groups and the fear of others’ judgements feed into such? I’ve always wonder if dominant Perspectives users had this issue more so than any of the other types. I’ve personally have always cared too much what others have thought; thus, I had to work hard to love myself and allow myself space to be. I’d love to hear other viewpoints! I’m obsessed with Personality Hacker podcasts! Lol. I study this very often. Do INFJs have people attaching to them also? Like, due to being nurturers? As a sensitive male, I find so often that my guy friends attach to me wanting to automatically share their problems. I love helping and understanding (a future counselor), but I struggle so much with absorbing emotions that it’s SO overwhelming. I don’t want to run and hide anymore. Is this just part of Perspectives? I love it, but it’s intense. Lol. I love you guys. Thanks
Thanks for the comment. My experience with INFJs has made me see them as heartier folk. Maybe that Ti tertiary which gives them an appreciation of radical honesty. We’re always open to suggestion, though. :)
A
p.s. Clever calling any refutation nonsence. :P
intj here. I know that what im about to suggest can only be modified and accounted for to a certain degree and probably this suggestion may only be used for youre own financial gain, but maybe not…
In my experience infjs need information presented in a way that is palpable for them to really get into what is going on. If not it may be spit out and then regardless of how valid an argument or some information may be it can be ignored or the main point in alot of important ways lost to them. You two don’t seem to be taking this into account. An important example of this would be when you say “psychic garbage”. Maybe ask yourself would a some lovey pain filled infj call something related to another person “garbage”??? I kinda doubt it.
Now before some other infjs blast back some nonsense refuting this id like to point out that the infjs that do have an issue with this may be so reserved that they wouldn’t risk the chance of conflict or being uncomfortable by directly pointing out a flaw, although me pointing this out may even open a door to those in this category.