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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
Thank you for an enlightening pod cast. I quite recently found out that I’m an INFJ. I was quite down and start finding information about self-development on the net. I found loads, but most of it just wasn’t for me. Just too shallow I think. On one of this shallow sites I took a mbti test and found out I am an INFJ, started to read about it. ( I took a test when I was 27 but didn’t put any effort to find out more) Then I got in to some communities on facebook where I meet some INFJ friends, and that was like finding my tribe who I can discuss al sort of deep things about being an INFJ and life with. One of my new friend is a great women who really has deep knowledge about the mbti system and she also into organisation and leadership as me. Talking to another INFJ as her is so disburden, because I don’t have to explain how I just know, and she has gone through this process herself. Right now she guides and coach me to understand more of the system and she gave me a tip about this podcast. She also coach me how to use my abilities at my work. I’ve been so lucky. I just found out about you guys and what you do is fantastic for an INFJ as me. I’m looking forward to listen to more of your pod cast.
So my recommendation for a INFJ is to get in contact whit other INFJs in a facebook INFJ community, and have in mind that there is load of this communities and some are better than others. And search for more knowledge about mbti and other personal types.
Now at 32 having rediscovered my INFJ score and while I remember taking a test before I don’t remember such valid and enlightening information on the subject. Bravo
I kept hearing an internal mantra in my head while listening… “waters coming, find where your going to put it” This would explain how I have learned to cope with my internal discoveries that would put me in precarious situations socially.
Its also insightful to see so many people in the “spiritual field” as INFJ’s. I personally have a strong aversion to the “pseudo sciences” and as such find deep solace in the scientific method, first principals and philosophy to understand the moral and ethical universal truths. Stefan Molyneux has some very popular podcasts on this subject and has helped me put a rational empirical matrix to the feelings I know “deeply” are valid.
I also use medicinal cannabis daily and work for a collective providing not just herbal healing but emotional. As a Cab driver for three years, 3rd shift gas station attendant and bouncer for many years I’ve always had 10 minute life changing conversations. Sounds pompous but in truth people will tell me their deepest problems in less than 5 minutes once they understand their body and tones are telling me more than the usual person. Its an intuitive relationship that takes place in a very natural way. Also I do use “magic mushrooms” more commonly than most rock stars. Its a amazing form of personal therapy coupled with professional help over the years. CAUTION on the drugs people! I think mushrooms let normal people feel how a INFJ feels all the time.
The total of these life experiences have me at 32 living north of San Francisco, a very “spiritual” place but to me empathetic.. which I value deeply. I live in the woods never in a town with more than 20,000. I have my brothers and their friends living with me rent free for the most part with the best food and cannabis that life can offer. We make music daily and express to each other feelings of love, war, race, creeds, losses and successes. The legal cannabis trade has me at the brink of purchasing land to build a private school so I can put my education and unique form of facilitating knowledge to the test. The worst part is all the ideas and concepts that make so much sense to me with education.. have never been done.
All along the way there was no support except ‘thank dawkins’ my brothers and father a fellow “strong mirror” as my mom called us. Achieving your inner genius will not always be understood and nor should people just get it like we do, it is our job to show them in the real world what we know to be true… with Grace.
Wow this podcast was very accurate! As a male INFJ, i have been fascinated with the MBTI for a while to add more data in my pattern identification =p
Here are some points i want to add from what has been said.
“The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.”
Very true, if i don’t master my emotion i can litterally fuck up my life.
The more emotional maturity you have, the more you can deal with it.
I have developped it in my life through sales and personnal developpement (Making the distinction between personnal rejection and the rejection of what you offer(idea/product/PERSPECTIVE)
I have experienced emotional maturity as a kind of “numbing” my emotion.
About intimacy.
We tend to immediately know people not just how they are, but how the relation will unfold in our life. You described it perfectly, here is some complement.
A Healthy INFJ, will choose consciously relationship that are beneficial for him, with the proper boundaries. Attracting people is also part of their belief system, if they believe there are so unique or special, and ultimatly impossible to get, there is a high chance they won’t attract any of those healthy relationship.
A less healthy INFJ, can fall for relationship that will lead to very previsible disapointement, codependancy, where he will be likely to distract himself from his own priority/life/real perspective(i like this term). The relationship act like a drug to numb the INFJ from his real feeling/mission.
That’s also when you can see INFJ interested into short term relationship, kind of brainless relationship, that are actually his own addiction with his inferior function (Se) and acting like an ESTP.
I call it the INFJ dementia( yeah we like inventing term for pattern)
Communication style.
INFJ natural langage is woo-hoo, yes. They can have another problem building intimacy too, is that, their Harmony, mixed with Perspective, can force them to be extremely adaptative, but not in a way that create for exemple “sexual tension” or build up authentic relationship, but force people to go unconsciously into counselling mode! Futhermore adaptation consume a lot of energy, so they can’t sustain this, and can become resentful because their need are not meet at all.
On being satisfied.
I have learn to really focus on myself, and instead of saving everyone, learn to act like a leader, meaning, raising as a person, and helping people who wants to be helped. (Very important)
The conselling mode, is a easy, non-energy consuming mode, but it’s a passive mode. Putting your distance and being connected toward your goal need a specific focus. So you can practice a real active counselling, with a specific goal, you can really help yourself and grow and being happy by progress.
The best way to keep a healthy emotional distance, is to mix your rational mode with your Harmony, meaning, knowing where you are going, having the right perspective of what helping people truly mean, and becoming the person who wants to become.
Leadership Jesus or nothing.
I truly think INFJ are Raw, from-the-heart Leaders that rise from necessity and can forcast the future and give the greater good,However that can also become kind of evil if they don’t know how to manage their emotion(and don’t forget that you can’t change our Perspective externally…)
I will even go further, the reason why most INFJ suffer so much(Rationalised depression(i am too sensitive,unique, misunderstood,ADD,ADHD, Too much childhood stuff) is mainly because they ignore their leadership abilities and usually their idealism is Schrinking, therefore all their power is put into an anti-idealism of life that become their ideal.
INFJ are pursuing an invisible God (Ni) and they are all the time redefining what this mean, and this meaning give the whole sense of reality to INFJ. If they are not currently pursuing a fanatic ideal, they are living in an addicted state, depressive state, or whatever, but this is not their true life.
The struggle is to survive the Concession of your Harmony (Fe), keeping your ideal alive after (Ti) and then not feeling to awkward saving the world (Se). This is what the developpement of INFJ looks like.
(Sorry for the english i am french x))
Both in the notes to this podcast and in the podcast itself there was a reference to Ghandi as being an infj.
Because of my understanding of body type and personality it raised red flag.
Ghandi was an ectomorphic (skinny) lawyer. This was not just from his diet habits. Even as a young man he was clearly lacking in “gut”. Endomorphs are generally “feeling” people and infj’s tend to be on the chubby side.
The claim that Ghandi was an infj is the result of people making that determination strictly on the information Ghandi’s publicity agents promoted. It certainly wasn’t based on Myers giving him a personality test.
This highlights the danger of asserting you know someone’s personality based on here say or your own bias.
Knowing that Ghandi’s somatotype was in the ENTJ area I did a little research and it became clear he was not the saint that is usually portrayed.
Do some research on the REAL GHANDI. Then decide whether he was ENTJ or INFJ.
Describing Ghandi as an INFJ is not a compliment to INFJ’s.
Some great responses here :)
Patiently looking forward to any future podcasts or articles on the other types <3
To be quite honest, I'd probably listen to anything you had to say, whether or not it concerned personality Everything just clicks when dealing with other dominant intuitives, I think :)