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In this episode Joel and Antonia talk about the dangers of Schadenfreude (pleasure derived from another person’s misfortune) and apply it to the recent Ashley Madison scandal.
In this podcast on Schadenfreude you’ll find:
- Schadenfreude – taking pleasure in another person’s suffering.
- People don’t realize it, but there’s a lot of Schadenfreude going on in society. They don’t see it as Schadenfreude but as Karma or Justice.
- Cruelty is never right nor is taking pleasure in cruel twists of fate. What we should be focusing is how we can prevent the incident from happening again.
- We understand the feeling of helplessness and we can feel that way sometimes.
- As it turns out, it can be a sure way to make us feel better or regain power about ourselves. It’s a self-affirming/self-empowering boost.
- When people feel disempowered, they want each individual person to pay for it. They want to reclaim power by seeing other people be put in their situation. While this may temporarily work, it doesn’t do anything to solve the problem.
- When we assume that the person who’s offending us should actually suffer (the idea that somebody should suffer because they’ve hurt our ethical principles), it doesn’t solve anything. It just keeps everything in the shadows.
- What problem are we trying to solve? It’s the feeling of powerlessness. By doing Schadenfreude, you are solving your own problem. You may think your problem has been solved but it’s only short term.
- The emotion of righteous indignation exists for a reason. We feel indignant when things are truly offensive to us and our feeling of righteousness propels us from doing something about it.
- Righteous indignation may make us feel powerful, but it’s not real empowerment.
- The human race is constantly evolving and we need to deal the issues that we’ve been keeping in the dark for so long.
- As we enter the space where we’re going to deal with all these stuff hidden in the shadows, how are we going to deal with them?
- You can’t control what’s going to happen in your life but you can control how you think, feel and respond to it.
- Working on ourselves is the solution. It would require more of us in order to calm down and deal with all the issues. Ask yourself, what is the mature, empowered action/response I can bring to this?
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24 comments
Thanks for your feedback, Theresa! I think it would be hard for a lot of people if confronted by an admitted pederast. Perhaps a better solution would be controlled disclosure, where people who aren’t triggered can be the ones who receive and counsel the perpetrators.
I’m glad you are working through your past and finding ways to help others do the same. We value your perspective.
I am in the middle of listening to this, and am listening to the part on pedophilia. I am a survivor of repeated childhood sexual abuse with multiple perpetrators. I have done a lot of healing work around this, and also work with other women on their journey in this area.
I agree that keeping this in the dark just makes this grow and thrive. I welcome conversation both from survivors and perpetrators. This issue has a lot of shame around it, and it dis-empowers people on a core level, affecting almost every are of the survivors life. I am in full support of therapy that does not include risk of punishment. However, I am not sure what I would think about someone who disclosed that they are currently engaged in this with a child.
Thank you for talking about this topic. (ENFP is me!)
Thanks for the comment Stacy! I agree with you. When I hear of someone reacting in the extreme over a perceived betrayal (even if it has nothing to do with them), I assume they have had some previous experience that they are referencing to fuel their anger. For example, someone lashes out against the people on Ashley Madison, so I assume they have either been cheated on, have cheated, or had a parent who was unfaithful. As an INFJ myself, this helps me have some compassion for such people.
However, when talking about people who want a teacher fired for telling the truth I find I can’t create a perspective around that so my compassion (and tolerance) for such people is limited. Thanks again for sharing your insight!
I posted on fb something along the lines of this podcast…And of course came the backlash. But to sum up what I said- When someone you love hurts you (say by cheating), you obviously question if this person truly loves and values you. But if you seek revenge on said person, then really your love for that person should also be called into question. The way I see it- if you truly selflessly love someone their pain is your pain. Their happiness is your happiness. So when you seek revenge on someone you love because they hurt you, then this makes you no better than the person whom hurt you. This is not to say that you should tolerate being treated poorly. But you have a choice at that point.
Being an INFJ I take on so many diff’t perspectives to situations yet sometimes its difficult to get ppl to see outside themselves to understand these perspectives.