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In this episode, Joel and Antonia dive deep into the unique challenges, needs, and desires of the INTJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INTJ personality type you’ll find:
Perspectives/Effectiveness
Cassandra – Greek Mythology – Gift of Prophecy without believers.
Ability to see what’s coming down the line, but nobody cares.
Foresight is different from prophecy.
Prophecy knows what’s coming up. Foresight can predict based on observation.
Strategy: Where’s the puck going?
Cynicism comes along with an INTJ recognizing that the world doesn’t value their gifts.
Isolation, loneliness, misunderstood, separation.
Mastermind Article – “Smartest people in the room based upon analytical and linguistic intelligence.”
We as a society have decided different criteria for intelligence. Not necessarily right. There are multiple styles of intelligence. Other types outclass INTJs regarding different kinds of intelligence (i.e. kinesthetic, emotional, etc.)
INTJs are very careful thinkers. They spend a lot of time thinking about whatever has captured their interest. Because they’re careful about how they think, they are also very careful about how they articulate their thoughts. They will show up as smarter because they express their words more precisely. They encourage everyone else to be more careful with how we think.
They expend Energetic credits in thinking through things, which is why INTJs have such an Economy of motion.
Many INTJs think the vast majority of people are careless thinkers.
The driver process for INTJs is Introverted Intuition that we nicknamed “Perspectives.”
Driver – Ni
Perspectives is the ability to watch your mind form patterns over a long time.
Podcast Introverted Intuition vs Extraverted Intuition
INTJs are inside their mind all the time.
They have a sixth sense of what is coming down the pike.
Perspectives is not right 100% of the time. It is a skill that must be developed. Predictions become more accurate the more you develop the skill.
INTJs love conceptualizing what is happening next.
People who use Perspectives think about the box. It’s about meaning and meta perspectiving.
Perspective users start to realize the subjective nature of how people see the world.
The copilot process for INTJs is Extraverted Thinking that we nicknamed “Effectiveness.”
Effectiveness asks “what works?” What is the bottom line? What will accomplish the objective?
Effectiveness is linear. A step by step approach to how to get things done.
Metrics. How do we measure whether something is pass-fail?
Effectiveness Can appear cold hearted because of its way of navigating around feelings to get a project accomplished.
Break things down to component levels. Uses Humans as resources. Effectiveness is Best when emotions aren’t clouding it.
Ni + Te = Perspectives loves to predict. Effectiveness is about metrics and implementing strategies. Coupled together, these create sustainable systems.
INTJs systems are context dependent. They want to make sure no one comes along and breaks their systems.
The 10-year-old process is Introverted Feeling that we have nicknamed Authenticity.
Tertiary – Fi
Authenticity is a decision-making process that checks in with inner alignment.
How are things impacting you emotionally?
Done well it can replicate someone else’s emotions and mirror those feelings back
As a 10-year-old it isn’t a strength. It becomes solely about how things are impacting the INTJ.
It makes the average INTJ feel like a sitting duck; A childlike part of them that can be hurt.
It’s not just a recognition about how things impact you, but it’s an internalization which becomes more crippling.
INTJs struggle because they have a tendency to over rely on this process.
Driver process is Introverted – Copilot is extraverted: we need to have access to both worlds. Introverts need real world feedback to stay balanced.
Ten year old is introverted. Introverts can find themselves avoiding the outer world and staying within. So they rest on that Ni – Fi loop.
If you get inside somebody else’s perspective, then mirror their emotions it becomes overwhelming to a Thinker. So they shut themselves off and create massive distance from the world.
Why INTJs feel so lonely. Human relationships require a measure of vulnerability.
The solution is that INTJs need to become vulnerable. They will survive. They are resilient.
Pain may seem neverending, but it does fade. People can massively add to the quality of your life.
To get to vulnerability, INTJs need to use their Copilot first. Create systems and frameworks of connecting with others.
Create a social event you can feel some control over. As the host, you are the highest status person in the room, and you know everyone.
When INTJs feel out of control, they clamp down.
When Effectiveness feels good in general, it is more open to experiencing closer relationships.
If INTJs aren’t implementing enough effectiveness strategies, they’re going to feel vulnerable and out of control.
Get out of comfort zone and get into action.
Swap the feeling of vulnerability with empowerment. Empowerment comes from building things in outside world and knowing you got the world handled. Then the vulnerability fades.
Even when Authenticity is used well, and it is healthy it is very idealistic. It’s not so much about reality but conviction. This is how things should be making me feel.
Perfectionism is a running theme for INTJs because it is an idealism of the way things should be.
Idealism gets turned in on INTJ themselves, which is crippling.
The opposite is Effectiveness which is pass/fail criteria. Good is better than perfect.
Authenticity is about “does it feel good to me?” So to INTJs nothing is ever good enough. They are waiting for just the right time. Just that perfect moment to implement the ideal strategy.
INTJs should never wait for that perfect moment to act. Start acting first.
Let Authenticity serve Effectiveness.
Effectiveness forces you out of your shell. But there are so many problems when INTJs use Fi as their navigator.
The 3-year-old process is Extraverted Sensing we have nicknamed “Sensation.”
Inferior – Se
Real-time kinetic connection with the environment. Blind spot to INTJs. Sensation Usually shows up when they are Overly stressed. Causes them to Overindulge in sensory behavior.
Both back seat passengers are incredibly indulgent for INTJs: Fi is emotional indulgence, and Se is sensory indulgence.
The thing that they have to monitor themselves for is whether or not they are going to an indulgent space. INTJs need to be physically aware of their body’s needs. The body is not just a vehicle for the brain.
There are Neurons in the stomach and heart which means that the brain cells extend into our body.
A good relationship with three-year-old means you’re nourishing your body and not feeding it junk food.
INTJ women feel disconnected from other women and intimidating to men.
Thinker Women and Feeler Men podcast
25% of women are Thinkers.
When you don’t fit the ideal imprint of the average female you are not going to attract the highest percentage of people, but there are people out there that are looking for a bird of paradise just like you.
If you haven’t run into these people yet, it is because you’re not in the right place. Go beyond your comfort zone.
INTJs don’t have a lot of patience for themselves. One of the best ways to make space for others and be more patient with others is by being more patient with yourself.
Stop worrying about how you should be and be willing to fail and learn. Be the person who gets things done as opposed to conceptualizing things.
Push through the challenges. There will be waste, but action is better than non-action.
Feedback from the outside world will make you feel stronger and more empowered.
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86 comments
First I want to say that I did not receive an email when this anticipated podcast was posted so, I’m a bit late to the table and more than a bit surprised to see that no one else has yet posted. Having said that, it’s now time for my long-winded riff:
As a somewhat experienced INTJ, having traveled about the sun more than 58 times, the following is my perspective on interactions with the ‘outside world.’ Frankly, I see my own head as part of that world. And putting my hard-worked ideas into the outside world is what I so desire but too often those ideas and solutions are subjugated by petty favoritism or other office politics, unfounded fear of change, ego-maniacal idea-stealing types, etc. So rather than drop out of the outside world, my solution has been to start my own small businesses often while holding down a full-time job. Admittedly, none have lead to major financial success but to date, I’ve had no failures either and essentially, I’ve bought over twenty years of freedom from the typical work-a-day grind. To many stubbornly independent INTJs, that IS success!
Study-Study-Study then Test-Test-Test. Any interesting new subject is verrry seductive. INTJs are known as a Jack of all Trades because we study and test relentlessly. I’ve been a certified auto mechanic for 11 years, a certified vocational instructor in neon glass blowing for eight years, a self taught publisher that lead to a multi-year gig as a magazine columnist, a self taught and certified computer repairman, a self taught screenwriter that garnered some Hollywood attention, a self taught network manager, a self taught… well, you get the idea. Unfortunately for those that don’t study and test harder than INTJs yes, we can become rudely impatient and that’s not fair. But it’s not because we think you are stupid or dumb (though we may call you that), it’s because we want you to know what we know in all its beauty but too often only what is wanted is the ultimate short answer even further abridged. And that is what is frustrating to us… completely dismissing and dissing the beauty.
However, please also know that we are seldom impatient with someone genuinely interested in a subject that we have invested so much ourselves in. Indeed, we can light up and become an animated, extroverted educator in those rare but exciting occasions. And upon the occasion that someone studied upon a topic even more than we, get ready to run because we can quickly become your most enthusiastic pupil. And so, if you know we are definitely wrong about someone or some topic, just say so then back it up. Back it up with sound reason or knowledge and you will find us to be a strong and eager ally.
In any relationship, personal or business, we often instantly recognize when someone is trying to emotionally manipulate us even in the slightest (not that we can’t be fooled). But when we call out the manipulation, or the attempt immediately and obviously fails, we feel the push-back, the rejection no matter how slight. In those times, I’m certain we sometimes too quickly and too negatively judge a potential relationship based upon these little rejections because they don’t feel little to our underdeveloped Fi. They feel huge! Then we typically withdraw to lick our wounds, sometimes for days, before venturing out only to find our timing for redemption has expired. And this is where our blunt responses come back to bite. If we learn this when we are young, we can learn to curb our curt judgments for our benefit and the benefit of all.
As for the anti-social aspect of our personality, and I have heard that aimed right at me, my broader experience has been that people often approach me with their issues, even strangers in malls. It’s like I have ‘Counselor in Training for Free!’ tattooed on my forehead or maybe it’s just have that calm INTJ face. And while I don’t mind comforting someone in need, I don’t like being someone’s perpetual go-to guy just because they aren’t better managing their own relationships or emotional situations. Too often and for too long, what some consider socializing appears to us as relentless emotional venting about each other and situations when we’d rather be intellectualizing over some recent find in science or some new topic we just studied or, yeah, I know… some other thing that seems utterly unexciting to most other types. And for many of us, that’s where our loneliness lies. Now I don’t know how emotion-venting socializing feels to other personality types but for most INTJs, I think it feels outright taxing… right Dr. Sheldon Cooper? And yes, we are aware that we sometimes emotionally vent too. But there’s a kind of bonding that doesn’t seem to happen for us like it seems to for others.
I remember reading that not only are INTJ types most likely to bang their head, because they aren’t living outside of their head, but also that they are most likely to lose their keys because they weren’t there when they put them down – they were inside their head flipping new data with old to see if there’s a new way of looking at things. Nonetheless, funny factoid that for me is oh so true.
Internalization of Emotion – Yes sir! Before learning of MBTI, I was in a meeting with a crisis counselor and an ISFJ friend (she was the patient) and the counselor had me explain to her that it sometimes takes me a few days to ‘know’ how I’m feeling. Absolutely true. I sometimes know I’m feeling something but it’s nebulous and until it rises from the depths, I’m often baffled about what to do, if anything, about how I think I might be feeling. But listening to music, doing a little aerobics or taking nature walks help me to faster vent those shadowed feelings and get on with things in a more balanced manner.
And also yes! Healthy versus unhealthy Se. My beloved pooch could pull me out of my head or out of sadness and into the moment with a long wanting stare or a just a well-placed whine. The next thing I knew, she had me walking on the beach or playing hide-n-seek games in the dunes, even meeting strangers so they could pet her. And boy, did she teach me patience. I recommend a dog for most INTJs at some point in their life. Dogs can ‘get’ us in ways others don’t seem to and put us in healthier situations we would never ever even think to put ourselves in. Hence the feeling, I suppose, that they get us.
There’s a lot of recent neuroscience/neurobiology enforcing MBTI and blending it with other models too. Definitely a potential go-to place for younger INTJs hoping to find a rewarding and expanding field then possibly even encountering an empathizing mate. It’s how we INTJs roll in the shire :-)