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In this episode, Joel and Antonia dive deep into the unique challenges, needs, and desires of the INTJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INTJ personality type you’ll find:
Perspectives/Effectiveness
Cassandra – Greek Mythology – Gift of Prophecy without believers.
Ability to see what’s coming down the line, but nobody cares.
Foresight is different from prophecy.
Prophecy knows what’s coming up. Foresight can predict based on observation.
Strategy: Where’s the puck going?
Cynicism comes along with an INTJ recognizing that the world doesn’t value their gifts.
Isolation, loneliness, misunderstood, separation.
Mastermind Article – “Smartest people in the room based upon analytical and linguistic intelligence.”
We as a society have decided different criteria for intelligence. Not necessarily right. There are multiple styles of intelligence. Other types outclass INTJs regarding different kinds of intelligence (i.e. kinesthetic, emotional, etc.)
INTJs are very careful thinkers. They spend a lot of time thinking about whatever has captured their interest. Because they’re careful about how they think, they are also very careful about how they articulate their thoughts. They will show up as smarter because they express their words more precisely. They encourage everyone else to be more careful with how we think.
They expend Energetic credits in thinking through things, which is why INTJs have such an Economy of motion.
Many INTJs think the vast majority of people are careless thinkers.
The driver process for INTJs is Introverted Intuition that we nicknamed “Perspectives.”
Driver – Ni
Perspectives is the ability to watch your mind form patterns over a long time.
Podcast Introverted Intuition vs Extraverted Intuition
INTJs are inside their mind all the time.
They have a sixth sense of what is coming down the pike.
Perspectives is not right 100% of the time. It is a skill that must be developed. Predictions become more accurate the more you develop the skill.
INTJs love conceptualizing what is happening next.
People who use Perspectives think about the box. It’s about meaning and meta perspectiving.
Perspective users start to realize the subjective nature of how people see the world.
The copilot process for INTJs is Extraverted Thinking that we nicknamed “Effectiveness.”
Effectiveness asks “what works?” What is the bottom line? What will accomplish the objective?
Effectiveness is linear. A step by step approach to how to get things done.
Metrics. How do we measure whether something is pass-fail?
Effectiveness Can appear cold hearted because of its way of navigating around feelings to get a project accomplished.
Break things down to component levels. Uses Humans as resources. Effectiveness is Best when emotions aren’t clouding it.
Ni + Te = Perspectives loves to predict. Effectiveness is about metrics and implementing strategies. Coupled together, these create sustainable systems.
INTJs systems are context dependent. They want to make sure no one comes along and breaks their systems.
The 10-year-old process is Introverted Feeling that we have nicknamed Authenticity.
Tertiary – Fi
Authenticity is a decision-making process that checks in with inner alignment.
How are things impacting you emotionally?
Done well it can replicate someone else’s emotions and mirror those feelings back
As a 10-year-old it isn’t a strength. It becomes solely about how things are impacting the INTJ.
It makes the average INTJ feel like a sitting duck; A childlike part of them that can be hurt.
It’s not just a recognition about how things impact you, but it’s an internalization which becomes more crippling.
INTJs struggle because they have a tendency to over rely on this process.
Driver process is Introverted – Copilot is extraverted: we need to have access to both worlds. Introverts need real world feedback to stay balanced.
Ten year old is introverted. Introverts can find themselves avoiding the outer world and staying within. So they rest on that Ni – Fi loop.
If you get inside somebody else’s perspective, then mirror their emotions it becomes overwhelming to a Thinker. So they shut themselves off and create massive distance from the world.
Why INTJs feel so lonely. Human relationships require a measure of vulnerability.
The solution is that INTJs need to become vulnerable. They will survive. They are resilient.
Pain may seem neverending, but it does fade. People can massively add to the quality of your life.
To get to vulnerability, INTJs need to use their Copilot first. Create systems and frameworks of connecting with others.
Create a social event you can feel some control over. As the host, you are the highest status person in the room, and you know everyone.
When INTJs feel out of control, they clamp down.
When Effectiveness feels good in general, it is more open to experiencing closer relationships.
If INTJs aren’t implementing enough effectiveness strategies, they’re going to feel vulnerable and out of control.
Get out of comfort zone and get into action.
Swap the feeling of vulnerability with empowerment. Empowerment comes from building things in outside world and knowing you got the world handled. Then the vulnerability fades.
Even when Authenticity is used well, and it is healthy it is very idealistic. It’s not so much about reality but conviction. This is how things should be making me feel.
Perfectionism is a running theme for INTJs because it is an idealism of the way things should be.
Idealism gets turned in on INTJ themselves, which is crippling.
The opposite is Effectiveness which is pass/fail criteria. Good is better than perfect.
Authenticity is about “does it feel good to me?” So to INTJs nothing is ever good enough. They are waiting for just the right time. Just that perfect moment to implement the ideal strategy.
INTJs should never wait for that perfect moment to act. Start acting first.
Let Authenticity serve Effectiveness.
Effectiveness forces you out of your shell. But there are so many problems when INTJs use Fi as their navigator.
The 3-year-old process is Extraverted Sensing we have nicknamed “Sensation.”
Inferior – Se
Real-time kinetic connection with the environment. Blind spot to INTJs. Sensation Usually shows up when they are Overly stressed. Causes them to Overindulge in sensory behavior.
Both back seat passengers are incredibly indulgent for INTJs: Fi is emotional indulgence, and Se is sensory indulgence.
The thing that they have to monitor themselves for is whether or not they are going to an indulgent space. INTJs need to be physically aware of their body’s needs. The body is not just a vehicle for the brain.
There are Neurons in the stomach and heart which means that the brain cells extend into our body.
A good relationship with three-year-old means you’re nourishing your body and not feeding it junk food.
INTJ women feel disconnected from other women and intimidating to men.
Thinker Women and Feeler Men podcast
25% of women are Thinkers.
When you don’t fit the ideal imprint of the average female you are not going to attract the highest percentage of people, but there are people out there that are looking for a bird of paradise just like you.
If you haven’t run into these people yet, it is because you’re not in the right place. Go beyond your comfort zone.
INTJs don’t have a lot of patience for themselves. One of the best ways to make space for others and be more patient with others is by being more patient with yourself.
Stop worrying about how you should be and be willing to fail and learn. Be the person who gets things done as opposed to conceptualizing things.
Push through the challenges. There will be waste, but action is better than non-action.
Feedback from the outside world will make you feel stronger and more empowered.
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86 comments
Well. You just explained really well why I am so easily scapegoated and projected upon. And why I mask so deeply without even realizing it. Should have listened to this sooner! Interestingly, when I was younger, I used my SE so much better — I was a dancer, musician. Even now I’m a massage therapist, a really good one. Not sure I’ve ever been good at the FI though. But now I know what to do.
I argue that being resistant to bonding was never a choice made because I’d been hurt before. It’s understanding most people will not be able to meet me halfway to keep the relationship interesting, nor I meet on their side long term, without feeling fake. It’s fixing a problem before it becomes one. It will hurt them because they won’t understand, and it’s a me thing. Getting close, knowing imma end it seems a little unethical and hedonistic. In that respect, yes, I’m avoiding hurt, kinda.
Otherwise, this is an adequate presentation in regards to myself.
Man, I feel like I’m even more different because ‘effectiveness’ seems like such a ‘basic level’ that feels like implementing our ideas is a basic need. The time spent on the podcast makes me think this is more of an issue than I had acknowledged. As an INTJ woman, I can relate to the ‘outside looking in’ and not necessarily fit it. And we focus on solutions, as a teen I noticed how males prefer women who are ‘extroverts’ and/or ‘feelers’ or both. I am neither, so I used my auxiliary, of extroverted ‘thinking’ in order to ‘build myself up’. It allowed me to look for the ‘right’ people myself. I didn’t need for others to get to know me first I only needed to use my intuition ‘perspectives’ so that I could approach the right people. (This also helped ‘hide’ from ‘responsibilities’ others try to delegate to me because of the ‘competency’ they recognize and we are just not interested in) It also means we know when the growth is done in between relationships we build and are willing to ‘hurt ourselves’ now for the long run goal and (speaking for myself) that is something I seriously consider
I was thinking no one should let himself be vulnerable, but I guess it’s a part of every relationship…
I am just like I don’t want to waste my time and energy by letting someone in just like that, and later regret it a lot. It’s not that I don’t let people in at all, but it takes some time and effort. And I don’t think there is more than one or two persones in your life that will do everything for you as you would for them, so got to be careful who are you letting in completely. I have a lot of people around me, friends, but I choose to relay on myself. It’s not that I don’t love them, but I’m carefull.
WOW! Just found your podcast through this episode and must say, I am incredibly impressed with your explanation of the INTJ. Although I learned my type quite some time ago, I only began to delve further into understanding the cognitive functions about a year ago when I found myself struggling in a bout of depression and discovered I was in a loop. I was able to “hack” this knowledge fairly quickly and climb out of a place I never thought I’d be able to leave. Since then, I’ve been learning all I can about how else to utilize the understanding of how my mind functions to live better. Just as it seemed my research resources were beginning to plateau, I found this! Thank you for taking the time to truly understand and explain us. Genuinely, this is the most accurate and helpful podcast I’ve ever come across and I cannot wait to listen to the rest.