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In this episode, Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the ENTJ personality type.
In this podcast on the ENTJ personality type you’ll find:
- It’s tough to get to know the real ENTJ. There are a lot of layers.
- Napoleon was most likely an ENTJ.
- ENTJs are rewarded by society because their kind of leadership is honored by this world.
- Female ENTJs are often not received well because of imposed gender roles.
- ENTJs get the job done.
- They have a lot of perceived confidence. It often appears like nothing rattles them.
- Most of the answers we got on the survey were very short.
- There’s a sense that they can’t slow down.
- If they don’t feel confident they are good at ignoring it. Lack of confidence doesn’t serve them.
- They have a tendency to overvalue templates that work and never question whether they need to be changed.
- The driver process for ENTJs is Extraverted Thinking that we nicknamed “Effectiveness.”
- Effectiveness is fast. It doesn’t question. It just keeps moving.
- What happens when you’re wrong?
- The co-pilot is introverted learning process called Introverted Intuition that we have nicknamed “Perspectives.”
- Perspectives encourages ENTJs to not just assume their observations are accurate. It asks, “Is there a better way?”
- Napoleonic warfare is a good example of Effectiveness doubling down and not adapting to new warfare strategy.
- The 10-year-old process is Extraverted Sensing we have nicknamed “Sensation.”
- If an ENTJ doesn’t slow down and focus on the co-pilot Perspectives, they will synthetically keep themselves limited. Avoiding the big game and not fulfilling their potential.
- When ENTJs have some past wounding there is an instinct to avoid the inner world. They fear the Intuitive Introverted world. They worry about the pain they may find there.
- The 3-year-old process is Introverted Feeling that we have nicknamed Authenticity.
- This is about managing emotions. It asks, “What’s going on for me?”
- There’s a sense of avoidance out of fear of the inner work. The more ENTJs avoid their inner world the less they will reach their full potential.
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59 comments
Hey Andrew! Thank you for taking the time to share your experiences and observations. Your wife is going to struggle until she can force herself to slow down and explore her Intuitive copilot. Can you encourage her to get massages or go to a spa and get pampered (but only if she quietly submits to the attentions she is receiving)? Would she consider trying yoga? Anything that helps her slow down and get into her head will make her a more contented person.
Hi, I’m an ESTP and involved in a long term relationship with an ENTJ. I can give you some perspectives of someone who is intimately involved with a female ENTJ. Very much consistent with the personality type, she runs her own law firm and a local politician. She often says about many things in her life that she “likes to be in charge.” While I make no secret that I find competence, intelligence and ability to be a major turn on, having someone like this in my life can be very very difficult. She often neglects me as a partner, because, as she says being an adult and working is hard. As with so much in her life, she is indeed correct. However, she finds a way to take everything to its highest level and degree of complication. She never stops. She works literally all day from the time she is up until the time that she sometimes literally collapses at night. I offer her help endlessly but she never takes it. Yet, she complains that she never has time, never has a life outside of work and kids. She rarely ever allows anyone to provide help. She has to do it all herself. She literally gets offended when people help or try to help her. She is rigid in the extreme in so many aspects of her life. When I have problems with my ex and mother to my kids, she always rams questions down my throat about this and that and the “J” aspect comes crashing into my “P” aspect. I tell her often that my decision making ability is quite different than hers and that she just has to respect that. Many of her questions and concerns in general (not just about my kids mother) deal with her ultra high need to know. I’m more of a take as it comes approach. I’m highly educated with an Ivy League advanced degree and no shrinking violet, so I don’t doubt my ability to deal with pretty much anything life throws at me. She cannot handle that. She must have it all figured out and planned out in advance.
As for personally. I know she cares, but she has an extraordinarily difficult time showing it. She always has to seem like she’s in charge. That means that her ability to express concern, love or any other loving or warm feelings are nill. She equates (as do many) expressing love with vulnerability and that is something that she cannot contemplate. She cannot and will not allow herself to be vulnerable. While I often tell her I love her and she sometimes tells me in return it has been over six months since she said she loves me on her own. Even when I do say it, her response is often “me too”. Her ability to cope with and deal with emotional issues is what I was like when I was a teenager. Given our jobs and work dynamic we cannot let others know of our relationship and so she often treats others at work with respect or at the very least friendship. At the same time she often treats me with derision or contempt. I’ve said stuff to her before and she apologizes but tells me at the same time that I’m being unfair.
All of what I’m saying is that certainly many ENTJs have an outward appearance of competence and ability. Within relationships, however, there is a disturbing power play that requires them to always be on top, for them always to be the best at whatever they do, regardless of the cost to themselves or their relationships. They are often neglectful of their significant other’s feelings, but when it is brought up or pointed out to them, they certainly are contrite and sincerely apologetic but still revert back to their old ways rather quickly. They rarely ever care to change or, even more importantly, care to think about changing or care to monitor themselves to see if what they are doing is appropriate or fair. They are rigid and all about “efficiency” despite the fact that that approach cannot and does not work for interpersonal relationships.
Good luck.
He will likely want to come out of ‘the trenches’ when he has gained some confidence… or realizes the frustration of operating under someone who is incompetent.
I think it is awesome that you are an INFJ. Since you use Perspectives unconsciously, you can help him learn to develop his copilot from an early age. Make sure he is perspective shifting and taking time to slow down and spend a little time in his head. Your guidance at this time will help him live a much more successful and happy life.
Haha! Thanks for the comment, Laura! I actually get excited when my check engine light turns off – which doesn’t happen very often. ;)
Hi Luke! Thanks for the question. There is a natural polarity between Thinkers and Feelers that creates attraction. Most of the Thinker females I know are drawn to Feeler males. The toughest part would probably be the Judger/Perceiver polarity. However, if two people went into a relationship recognizing those differences they could actually make it work. The Judger would make the Perceiver more organized (potentially) and the Perceiver could help the Judger become a little more laid back. I know of at least one couple where the female is ENTJ and the male is INFP.