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In this episode Joel and Antonia talk about accepting yourself as you are vs pushing yourself for new personal growth.
In this podcast you’ll find:
Intuitive Awakening Facebook Group
Paradox of striving for self acceptance while practicing self development (Thread here).
The reason we get into personal development is usually due to being unsatisfied with the way we are. We are willing to do the hard work to get to a place where we are more satisfied with a certain area of our life.
People in personal development may start with one area of life, like weight, then realize the power that comes with changing one’s life. So they start looking for other ways to grow and change.
Some approach personal development from a platform of dissatisfaction.
Others approach it from a platform of full satisfaction. The desire to reach the next level.
Most people start off with worldview that life is a problem to be solved. As they grow, they start to realize that life is a game to be optimized.
What is your premise when you approach personal development?
- Is it because you feel broken?
- Or do you think things could be better?
People who get into personal development have a tendency to be hard on themselves. They accept that there are failings and they don’t want to rest on their laurels.
How hard are you on yourself? What is your self talk?
We can learn to accept others by learning to accept ourselves. Or we can learn self acceptance by accepting others first.
Can you become your own friend and cheerlead yourself to greater advancement?
We should always assume that everyone is making the best choices they can based upon their current level of development. Most people do what makes sense to them.
As you grow your choices will get higher quality, more mindful, more informed.
None of us have arrived at the pinnacle of personal development. We are all growing and developing.
Give yourself space to grow and cut yourself a little slack.
When we are in a strong growth period and we start to feel worn down it indicates we need to cut ourselves even more slack.
When somebody is really beating themselves up they may need to take some time out for healing.
But if you find yourself stagnating and you don’t feel good about your achievements, or if your self esteem is decreasing it indicates a need for achievement.
Self acceptance is the ability to listen to your soul, your body, your psychology, your emotions, and give yourself what you need in the moment.
We all have the need for self esteem and self actualization but we may be stuck at an earlier need that is going unexpressed.
Self acceptance means acknowledging that you have basic fundamental needs in order to become a better version of yourself.
Personal growth tools are there to serve you, not vice versa.
Self improvement is a journey not a destination. None of us will become the most amazing version of ourselves in a single lifetime. Our lifespan is not long enough – which is tragic.
Since this path is a path that doesn’t have a final destination then personal growth isn’t going anywhere.
If you need a time period to chill, feel free to slow down. If there is a time where you feel amazing, go ahead and sprint. You don’t have to sprint though. This is a marathon. Pace yourself.
Your litmus test is your enjoyment of your growth. How do you feel about what you are doing. Does it feel good?
There is always going to be movement – forward or backward.
Self acceptance vs pushing yourself to growth is a false dichotomy. It’s not an either/or scenario. Wherever you fall on that continuum you’re okay. As long as you are moving in one direction it will prevent you from moving backward.
Don’t underestimate the importance of rest periods. Sometimes we get the greatest “Ahas” when we are chilling out and all the hard work can start to percolate.
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15 comments
I love the idea of seeing personal development as a human need by looking at it through the lense of Maslow‘s hierarchy of needs, this is a great reframe.
Your discussion reminded of something from my own life. It feels like all my life I’ve had issues with physical exercise, feeling that I don’t enjoy it and I can’t keep up with others. So when I no longer had to do sports through school, I more or less stopped doing anything involving physical exercise. Adding to that, I didn‘t want to limit myself in any way when it came to my eating.
Then about 1 1/2 years ago, my gynocologist told me that I was on the brink of being overweight and that if my weight gain continued, I would be risking my health. This was not easy to hear, but I’m very grateful to her for saying it. Up until that point, I‘d often thought of trying and had half-heartedly attempted to lose weight, but always for the reason of how I looked. I hadn‘t seen myself as unhealthy. So this shifted my perspective. I started working with a nutritionist to change my diet. And during that process, I came by an online exercise program that promoted the idea of „rest based training“ – of pushing yourself as hard as you can, but having full autonomy over when and how long you rest. This has made such a difference for me when it comes to physical exercise. And it seems to connect to what you‘re talking about – it‘s great to push yourself, and at the same time, you need to listen to your needs and take care of yourself. We can only push ourselves hard if we allow ourselves to rest.
I always enjoy and learn from your podcasts, but This One is Absolutely FABULOUS!! Thank you! :)
Being an INTP, I can’t tell you how many times I have had those flash visions, AHA moments of a solution or some design idea I’m working on, it’s literally out of nowhere. At least in my mind I consider myself completely disconnected from that project and POW, it’s weird. I never tell anyone, how do you explain that? That’s when the handcuffs will surface.
Great podcast!! Makes sense.
Hi Stephanie! I wish there was an easy answer. I think it is awesome what you are doing so your mom has bragging rights. Maybe you just need to take a term off and enjoy some R&R before returning. Can you take off the summer?
Thanks for the feedback, Janet! If you are referring to the podcast notes, I just recently took over doing them. I am gradually learning to write less. However, when I come across a really kick-ass topic I still go a bit overboard. I flatter myself by believing I am testing people’s speed reading ability. ;)
Thanks for your patience. :)