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In this episode Joel and Antonia talk about coping with emotional triggers in your life.
In this podcast you’ll find:
Our triggers help us to shine a light on the dark space of our own feelings of inadequacy.
Triggering happens for all of us. If you want to find out what your triggers are go to an online community like Facebook.
We are emboldened by the anonymity of the internet. Things we would never say to someone’s face we will say to a total stranger on Facebook.
When we become triggered, our emotions make us think they need immediate expression or we may die.
Triggering is related to some ancient programming.
A trigger is anytime your ego feels obliged to defend itself. Our ego is there to keep us alive. When it takes a hit we feel obligated to fight.
If the ego allows itself to the see the trigger for what it is – which can be feelings of inadequacy or something within that needs attending to – then a door may be open to change. If we change we are no longer the same person. That part of your ego dies.
That is what happens in personal development. We go thru many stages of ego death and become unrecognizable to ourselves. The part that want wants to keep us physically alive hitches a ride on the ego and thinks we need to stay the way we have always been in order to survive.
Begin by recognizing what a trigger does for the individual. It is a service that is provided by the outside world.
Drama Triangle vs Empowerment Dynamic podcast
- We create our experiences.
- We are challenged to change and evolve.
- Coaches help us along the way.
How do we create the best world we can? By allowing these triggers to shine a light in dark places and see what needs attending.
When someone in our world triggers us we project onto them that they are doing something to intentionally harm us. What if it had been written a hundred years ago and that person was no longer alive? Would you still be offended?
There is a seductive nature to being offended.
Indignation gives us a boost of inspiration to get us into action.
Righteous indignation feels good and we can get addicted to it.
Detox from that emotional addiction so when we do feel triggered we can be more aware.
A very empowered way to understand triggers is to feel gratitude to the person for bringing attention to something we may not have been aware of.
If we can get to a point of confronting triggers with gratitude instead of anger we will have reached a space where we can control our triggers.
Everyone should be taking responsibility for their own triggers. We can’t force someone else to take responsibility for their own triggers. We aren’t on this earth to make other people pay for the wrongs we think they have done.
Rumi “If you are irritated by every rub how will your mirror be polished?”
We see ourselves through other people and vice versa.
Every trigger is a gift.
Don’t let the triggers gain mastery over you.
Righteous indignation is the fast food for the soul. While fast food tastes good initially it has a bad long-term cost.
There are greater longer term benefits from more positive emotional intelligence.
Use the same thing that causes the trigger to get you out of the experience. If the trigger is around pride and ego, then you can attach yourself to a higher ethic of pride like:
- How do I want to see myself?
- What is a better ego stance I can have?
- What other things can I be proud of?
We have the ability to slow the process down and not have the reaction to triggers that can get us into trouble.
Avoid taking action in the moment of emotion explosion. Wait until there is no emotion attached before you decide to respond.
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21 comments
Getting offended is the biggest fad of the current generation. A blog I read put it best, “Time after time, particularly on college campuses, millennials have proven to be little more than entitled, spoiled, anti-intellectual brats who place far too much emphasis on feelings and nowhere near enough emphasis on critical thinking. To the millennial, words are cause for the creation of safe spaces, alternative ideas must be stifled, and anything they perceive to be a microaggression is enough to send them spiraling into a state of mental distress.”
People don’t have the right to demand others keep their opinions about their lifestyle to themselves, especially if they’re open and public about it. I have as much of a right to comment on the way you live your life as you do to actually live it. Your feelings are not a protected right, but my speech is.
Ingracious millennials should realize that if you live in America, you are already in the top 1%, you don’t have a right to it just because it exist, you DO have a right to live as you please – but not demand people accept it, your feelings are irrevelant and your only safe place is your home.
Since when is hate speech not part of the first amendment. Fascists!
“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what is isn’t. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn’t be. And what it wouldn’t be, it would. You see?” — Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
Just wanted to validate Brad’s comments. I know as an INTJ I can be triggered when people question my intelligence or competence. My INTP family members are the same way. When I feel like my ideas are not being taken seriously, I feel like I am not being seen or heard. This is a very unpleasant feeling for me because this is how I connect with others. I think it’s quite common for us NT types because we can sometimes over-identify with ‘what we know’ rather than be present to who we are as perfectly, imperfect human beings. Personality Hacker is certainly a great source of information because if we are able to leverage this knowledge to become more self aware about the type and source of our triggers, we can then gain more mastery over our lives.
Most triggering that we experience comes from some child part of us that has never healed. So that’s why logic and trying to use reason doesn’t always apply or work. Our brains can become emotionally hijacked, so even you want to master your triggers, it’s important to get in touch with your body and identify the source of the fear. Meditation can help you become more mindful. Also acknowledging the fact that you are now an adult (not a child). You are safe and are entitled as an adult to makes choices and create boundaries that work for you based on your preferences, desires and values. It’s to make your preferences clear to others. It’s also okay to say ‘NO’ or ‘STOP’ whenever you feel a boundary is not being honored. That might be hard at first, and there’s lots of books on boundaries that can make it easier to successfully set boundaries with difficult people. If you don’t want people knocking at your door, put up a ‘no solicitation’ sign or don’t open the door. You can always say, "What do you want?’ And then follow up with, “Sorry. We do not accept solicitations or offers for salvation.” Lol. I’ve decided over time, and after working through my childhood trauma past, that not everyone gets ‘free access’ to me. I apply rules to my phones, my front door, my social media sphere and other social & professional relationships. It’s really up to you to choose the quality and type of social relationships you want in your life. If you don’t want to interact with narrow minded (“You’re going to hell”) religious types, then don’t interact with them. I don’t think all people that are religious are bad. But I do not personally care to interact with those who are intolerant and judgmental. I think we should all be given the freedom to live our lives the way we would like in peace and with love.
I learned that I was an INFP Myers Briggs personality type around six years ago. It is only in this last week that I have been able to start connecting my realised and unrealised strengths to the way my brain is wired. When I thought I was shallow because I was easily bored I find out my navigator is explorer – wow. Words can’t express the deep sense of gratitude I feel for you. Thank you!
I am understanding my triggers by knowing my personality type which is INTP. Now,that I know how important it is to be viewed as competent and the expert, it helps me to see why I feel triggered at work where I feel like I am not valued for my expertise. Personality Hacker is really profound!