Download Episode Here – right click link and select “Save Link As…”
In this episode Joel and Antonia tackle the question… should you only date certain Myers-Briggs personality types?
In this podcast you’ll find:
Does type predict a good/bad relationship?
The short, unhelpful answer is – NO, you cannot predict a good relationship based on MBTI.
The longer answer is – Sometimes.
There is an entire system running when it comes to an individual – culture, Enneagram, Myers-Briggs type, etc.
We forget that attraction isn’t a choice. It is just something that happens to us.
I would caution anyone who limits their dating pool to ideal MB types. You are removing the element of surprise. You may find your ideal type just outside what you consider as acceptable.
Where most people start is which MB types are the most compatible?
The more helpful place to come from is what do you, as an individual, find attractive?
If you are making individual decisions based on massive broad-brush rules, you might have a bad time of it.
Shared values and interests are far more impactful than type.
Enneagram is another strong predictor of compatibility. It determines how a person deals with stress.
Lots of different demographic breakdowns we can look at that will influence one’s ability to maintain attraction and long-term compatibility.
If you break things down to the theoretical level of type, there is a danger. There are lots of other factors that go into a relationship than just type.
In business, just because somebody is of a certain type doesn’t mean they are the best one for the job; or, that they should be discounted because they aren’t of the right type. Character comes into play.
What should you be looking for?
What are you attracted to? Some people are very attracted to a particular cognitive function.
How willing is the other person to work on the relationship?
Can you get some of your needs met outside the relationship?
The rule is there to serve you. You are not there to serve the rule.
Are you becoming the type of person that is going to be the best at who you are so you can attract the most amazing person in your life, no matter their type?
If you grow yourself, you are going to have to shift how you find compatible people. You may not be able to find dates on singles sites or community events. You may need to broaden your horizons and travel to a distant conference where you will meet others on the same personal growth trajectory as you.
The ultimate message is you can’t predict compatibility by type. The biggest node of the system is who you are, and who are you trying to become?
Typology can become rather insignificant when two people who are on the same trajectory meet.
Typology can come into play, but shared interest is paramount.
Type is only one node in the system of the emergent of attraction and a good stable relationship. Not the only node.
Not cause and effect. Just because someone is a certain personality type does not mean they are going to be your best match.
If you are on a personal growth path and that is your primary focus, type becomes a much smaller indicator. Finding a person on the same personal growth path as you is going to be bigger.
If you aren’t on a personal growth path, type may be a bigger node in the system because it will predict compatibility in ways that may prevent conflict.
Conflict is harder to manage if you are not on a personal growth path.
People on a personal growth path prefer conflict because it points to areas of growth opportunity.
If you are in a pair bond relationship, and you are feeling fatalistic about it, your partner may be your opportunity for growth.
Conversely, if you and your partner are creating a dynamic that is perpetually conflict oriented your relationship may be complete.
Typology is a tool that has its uses. In some situations, it is more useful than others.
Let your pleasure and bliss guide the process. Don’t serve the tool. Let the tool serve you.
To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below:
Subscribe with iTunes
Non iTunes Link
Download The Android App
Subscribe on Soundcloud
Subscribe with Stitcher
If you like the podcast and want to help us out in return, please leave an honest rating and review on iTunes by clicking here. It will help the show and its ranking in iTunes immensely! We would be eternally grateful!
Want to learn more?
Discover Your Personal Genius
We want to hear from you. Leave your comments below…
Share:
Podcast - Episode 0139 - Using Personality Type To Reevaluate Beliefs
Podcast - Episode 0141 - How Will You Measure Successful Parenting
18 comments
Hi, I’ve been listening to your podcasts for a year now, and do find them very interesting and they’ve helped me to find my best-fit type. I’m slowly making my way through the archives, and have just finished on this old episode.
Whilst there was lots of useful info in it (e.g. it was reassuring for me being married to an ‘incompatible’ type!), the bit about the 1% rankled. This seemed pretty elitist and feeds into the idea of ranking and grading people, which just doesn’t sit right with me. Personal development is a great thing to do for many people, but you shouldn’t think that just because you do so that you’re better than everyone else (or at least the other 99%).
Oops – forgot to add, while I (INFP) have been very attracted to INTJs… I can lose patience when their Ni is slow. Much slower than I’m used to. I’m guessing this is a loop issue. I’ve heard INFPs are the most extroverted introverts and INTJs are some of the most introverted. So, all my long term partners have been extroverts.
Hi! I’ve been looking for a place to post this comment after hearing INFP/ENTJ pairing is rare and may not work as well as people think. ENTJ and INFP can be attracted to each other. Especially if the ENTJ is indulging in their sexual side and gives in to chemistry a bit. Personally I think it’s best, beyond the bedroom, when both people are developed and the INFP has confidence (and strong desire) to express their needs to the ENTJ – with highly skilled Fi of course. Let’s face it, this world was not made for FiNe. It takes determination to find resources on our own to develop, cherish, and be proud of who we are as INFPs. But don’t underestimate us.
I’ve noticed a trend of mine is an attraction to ENFPs typically. I’m an INFJ and I found this type to be a lot of fun as friends, and I also came to find that a lot of the people that I found attractive were NFPs as well. It typically served as a confirmation as to why I was typically so enthralled by them
Thanks Elizabeth, I was getting at the exaggeration, delusion and multi-tracking process communication. I’m more specifically curious about Fi dominant users. I understand Fe users will talk as a reward to bond with another person, if they like or love you. However I find that Fi users don’t always do this, which to me comes off as pretentious as if they have a chip on their shoulder. I think could be perhaps some anxiety or a form of feeling self conscious. What confuses me is that if I give a very thoughtful compliment and it’s accepted and I reply with your welcome I sincerely meant what I said, and had I asked another question that was answered, but with laughter, and I offer praise for their for their answer to my question by saying something to the effect of she was good at using symbolism and indirectly also said she was smart, then said all of which is positive in it’s meaning. I get the impression that maybe she thought I was analyzing her or looking for flaws, she thinks she has and now I’m getting the silent treatment.
So I’m curious was something like that a misunderstanding, where as I’m just being my intuitive self and noticing things, or is it a self worth issue, where as she thinks that she doesn’t deserve such praise and it makes her self conscious?
If it’s the first reason then I feel invalidated, because I notice everything, good, bad and ugly, if I mention the good it’s genuine, if I mention the bad I’m being genuine in a caring way by pointing out an area of opportunity for self growth and I can’t help but be honest and authentic. Two things I can do, I can clear up a misunderstanding and I can validate any woman that is going through a rough time of things and offer support and affection however I’m at a loss of what to do. I’d ask but that in the past with dominant Fi users had led to passive aggressive behavior by them to include gas lighting. I’m direct and if asked I’ll tell someone if something is bothering me and what it is, and let them know if it is about them or not and what they can do to support me. Do anyone have any ideas? Intimacy is not my forte, yet I make a lot of effort to be emotionally available and don’t want to shut out feelers because they hate that.