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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about using feedback to calibrate and refine your perspectives.

In this podcast you’ll find:

  • Logical Fallacy – Tu Quoque “You Also”
  • Appeal to hypocrisy
  • Discrediting someone’s argument by insisting they have never acted consistently on the matter.
  • It doesn’t matter what their behavior is. If what someone says is true, it is true.
  • Boundary setting is the framework.
  • “You aren’t perfect, so who are you to tell me what to do?”
  • Introverted Thinking: What is true? It doesn’t matter what anyone has done before now.
  • This kind of thinking prevents you from ever growing, improving, or seeing your faults.
  • Nobody has a perfect record.
  • Group codependency.
  • “Codependency can be distilled down to ‘I won’t call you on your shit if you don’t call me on mine.’”
  • If I say a particular behavior is bad, it doesn’t matter if I’m a bloody hypocrite. It’s still bad behavior.
  • You can say, “You’re right. It is bad behavior. I have seen you do it, too. Let’s work together to keep this from happening.”
  • Can you get to a place in a relationship where someone can call you on bad behavior, and you can hold it?
  • No matter how much we dislike a piece of info, we can’t shoot the messenger.
  • The universe gives us gifts when they point out our misbehavior.
  • It helps us become better versions of ourselves.
  • “I do better in fantasy. Thank you very much.”
  • Choosing rightness over happiness. You get what you want but at the cost of ultimate satisfaction.
  • Short-term gain for long-term loss.
  • If your behavior is hurting the outside world, it is because it has already done its damage inside of you.
  • You are just spreading the damage around at this point.
  • Let the info be the catalyst to work on that inner stuff.
  • If you are unwilling to listen to negative feedback, then you will rarely receive any positive feedback from the universe.
  • Ironclad defense strategy
  • How can you be receptive to outer world feedback?
  • Instead of seeing everyone else’s behavior as an agenda intended to destroy you, is there some truth in their observation that can help you grow?
  • What truth can I find in this?
  • The ego hits can be tough.
  • If you are at a place where you can’t receive feedback, you have probably created all sorts of barriers and boundaries to feedback.
  • Start to look at feedback as a message from the universe. Disregard the delivery system.
  • That is someone’s experience with me.
  • How can I show up in a way that is more consistent with how I see myself?
  • Don’t shoot the messenger. Do some detective work to find the gold.
  • They see you a certain way. Why is that?
  • Feedback that makes you squirm podcast.
  • Take the feedback.
  • Some people’s path of growth is not absorbing every piece of criticism and internalizing it.
  • Some of us have a fundamental belief that we are flawed, broken, sinful, and wicked.
  • The default setting is sin and hellfire.
  • Very toxic environment to be born into.
  • No matter how much abuse was heaped on top of you, it is your job to take it.
  • For someone with that kind of programming, then accepting every piece of criticism may be the exact opposite of what they should do.
  • If you are in a toxic environment that is heaping criticism on you, the message from the universe may be, “How much of this shit are you going to take before you get out?”
  • If you are the defensive type, the messages you are getting may be more content focused.
  • Or it may be, “Hey. Let some barriers down. Let in some feedback!”
  • For people who are wired to take things to heart, you have the right to have some pride and set some boundaries.
  • A willingness to listen to everything and take it can also be prideful.
  • House of Cards: Frank Underwood visits his hometown and says that their humility is their pride.
  • The picture of health is somebody who has healthy boundaries.
  • Let people in until it becomes dangerous.
  • Some people Tu Quoque themselves, “I’m not perfect enough to give anyone else criticism.”
  • Last weeks podcast
  • Can no one make a mistake anymore in the world?
  • In-fighting takes down such movements.
  • Some social justice warriors give the whole a bad name.
  • Perfection fidelity.
  • The results are better than some of the processes.

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  • Anonymous
    • Anonymous
    • March 31, 2021 at 1:43 pm

    Social Justice Warriors have Feeling in the first or second slot and Introverted Thinking in their unconscious, they absolutely suck at logic and Introverted Thinking, that’s why they became Social Justice Warriors in the first place. Most of what Social Justice Warriors say is nonsense because of their poor Introverted Thinking, and their valuing of feelings over facts.

    Feedback only matters if it is true, if not, discard it.

  • Coral
    • Coral
    • June 6, 2018 at 7:47 pm

    Hello Joel and Antonia! Love the show! I think there’s a lot of insight, truth, and value here. Thanks for the opportunity to learn and engage in constructive thought and personal growth while having so much fun!

    Pertaining to this particular episode I find it sad (though understandable) to hear that Joel (and others) are lead to have such a negative self-image because of their Christian upbringing. I am passionate about passing on to my children what I believe to be true in myself and is also Catholic Christian philosophy: that I am intrinsically good. I am heartily frustrated by the fact that Christian teaching has been splintered into thousands of different denominations and, therefore, has thousands of different teachings often in direct contradiction with each other. I realize I don’t have the facts but am just speculating (I’m ENFP btw) that whichever version(s) of “Christianity” teach that a human is a worm destined for hell is radically offbeat with the heart of true Christianity. Perhaps as a message from the universe or just a friendly gesture from me, a podcast junkie, I suggest checking out the podcast Pints with Aquinas with Matt Fradd for some Thomistic Philosophy and fun listening.

    Also, regarding myers-briggs I heard from a friend that people can change the first and last letter of their 4-letter code? What do you think? Can people change or only mature their cognitive functions?

  • Suzie
    • Suzie
    • May 4, 2018 at 9:22 pm

    Joel and Antonia,
    Thanks so much for your podcasts, I’ve only been listening for a few weeks now, my amazing daughter got me started. This one in particular was a great tool for us to discuss even today, as we were talking through a bit of a conflict/challenge and ultimately both of us wanting to receive and grow.

  • Suzie
    • Suzie
    • May 4, 2018 at 9:20 pm

    Great job Kevin, describing the God of Love, who IS love. I appreciate your comments, especially the “I forgive you for offending Christians – we deserve it.” SO TRUE!

  • Chan
    • Chan
    • April 22, 2018 at 2:55 am

    Hi Guys,

    I just discovered your podcast today and listed to a couple episodes – very insightful! I enjoy it a great deal. I did, however find the statement that the idea that ‘people are inherently sinful is ludicrous’ is shockingly intolerant and demeaning. The idea of original sin is at the core of Christianity and dismissing it as ludicrous seems to be abusive. It was a statement designed to demean an entire group of people.

    I have no doubt that you experienced exactly what you described and I wish that I could have been around to answer the deeper questions you had. Emotional abuse is not what’s at the heart of the doctrine or original sin, nor is it a guilt-trip or emotional manipulation (although to the Christian’s same, it is often used that way).

    Many times in your podcasts you freely confess that nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes and we have done so since we can first remember. It is this idea that is at the heart of original sin. It’s not that the person is worthless, or that a person is as evil as they can possibly be, nor is it that a person commits every single sin they can muster-up. Rather it is a description illustrating that there is nothing a person can do to attain their own salvation because we are imperfect and God is not. It is the idea that the moral standard of God can’t be attained by mortal mankind.

    You said that ‘there is an escape clause’ but that is what the Gospel is from beginning to end. It’s not an escape clause – it is THE clause.

    It should also be noted that even though a person may believe the gospel, they still keep missing the mark! Perfection, sadly, will not be attained by anyone in this life.

    That is why I enjoy your podcast. You can offer so much insight and help for us as we struggle to sort-out why we keep making odd choices and equipping us to be better versions of ourselves.

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