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In this episode, Joel and Antonia draw out personal lessons they learned by putting together the Empowered: INFPs and INFJs.
In this podcast you’ll find:
- Empowered: INFPs and INFJs
- Interview series – 6 high performing INs
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Top 10 challenges INFs report:
- Finding purpose
- Establishing boundaries
- Overcoming indecision
- Feeling judged
- Simultaneously desiring and fearing intimacy
- Time management
- Lacking assertiveness
- Lacking motivation
- Anxiety
- Making money
- Core emotion to all interviews was anger
- Anger tied to permission
- “Anger helped me give myself permission to create the boundaries to confront the people, set up the circumstances, achieve the goals, etc.”
- Sadness often under-pins the anger.
- But sadness isn’t as motivating as anger.
- Anger is the catalyst
- Anger can help us defend ourselves.
- “Anger is just energy. Once you recognize that, you can use it to put you on your path.”
- All emotions serve us in some capacity.
- Understand why it’s there, what it needs, and how you can use it.
- “Forgiveness is a process that begins with anger.”
- Anger is how you can find yourself on the map.
- Anger is closer to a tool than a weapon.
- It has some legitimate applications.
- Anger is the one time when some people shut off the perpetual deference to other’s interests and start expressing their own.
- Nobody should stay in anger. It is a tool for a short time.
- Each council member found patience and forgiveness for themselves.
- When it comes to spiritual/soul hygiene, there is one thing that never changes: eat your vegetables.
- Vegetables: Presence work. Mindfulness.
- Don’t let the world rush you. Be patient. Trust yourself.
- Be present with you.
- Forgive yourself for your mistakes.
- Presence gives you the ability to let go of energy-hogging experiences like self-criticism and perfectionism.
- Dharma: Purpose
- Presence cuts you slack in some ways and not at all in other ways if it applies to your purpose.
- You don’t roll over and give up.
- The voice inside that beats you up when you aren’t doing what you’re supposed to.
- Self-discipline vs. self-criticism
- Annie Lalla talks about creating a life that will attract the love of your life.
- It’s premature to have love until you have self-love.
- “Never make the past wrong.”
- Stop beating yourself up for past sins.
- Find joy in the little things.
- See these things as expressions of love from strangers.
- Every time someone does something for you, see it as a loving expression
- Focus on the positive things.
- Don’t focus on the negative things that happen to you.
- Even arguing with your loved one can be an expression of love if it is for the benefit of the relationship.
- Amplify the small beautiful things.
- Fall in love with your life!
- Who am I to be living this amazing life? I must be a fantastic person!
- If you love life and love yourself you will become magnetic to others with the same vibration.
- Magnify the mundane.
- Betsy Garmon (INFJ) “Self-care is about self-knowledge.”
- Know yourself and become intimate with your boundaries and needs.
- Boundary setting is self-care.
- Daniel Karan: Self-care is about the emergent.
- If Daniel has something he doesn’t want to do, he knows when he has done proper self-care because he has the resources to do it anyway.
- Plenty of sleep, nutrient-dense foods, getting to the gym, getting plenty of expressions of his love language, massage, etc.
- Introspection. Understanding the things you need.
- Give yourself quarter by preparing for the world and caring for your needs.
- What have I been ignoring in my life? Sleep? Water? Exercise?
- INFs have redefined self-care for themselves.
- Daniel Karan talked about the importance of trusting yourself.
- “Why would we not trust ourselves?
- We use the same criteria to trust ourselves as we do a friend or family member.
- How long would you trust someone who lies or isn’t reliable?
- We promise ourselves all sorts of things , then we don’t come through. “I’m going to get in shape.”
- “I’m going to eat better.”
- “I’m going to spend more time with someone.”
- We disappoint ourselves, so we don’t trust ourselves.
- If you are feeling a lack of trust for yourself, what minuscule things are you doing to undermine that trust?
- It’s about your relationship with yourself.
- If you find a high performer, ask them a few questions about the things they’ve learned in their life.
- Not everybody’s journey is one of insight and paradigm shifts, so make sure they’re high performers.
- Become the best version of yourself.
- What have you learned from people who are a different type?
- Empowered: INFPs and INFJs
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24 comments
As an ENTJ this resonated with me in such a unique way… Like hearing music wafting from a neighbors backyard and being aware that it could really be a good time if I could locate the source. I will take your very good advice to start picking the brains of INFJs and INTJs to help me in co-pilot development.
I am currently on the waiting list for the next INFx empowered course! Thanks!
Sorry… that was meant to be a stand alone comment.
I’m listening along but there is something, one point Joel made, that I have to address immediately.
Please don’t try to suggest that an argument is always an expression of love. This is a dangerous road to go down and could easily be used to excuse toxic behaviour.
Yes, it can be caused by love, a need to be heard, but we need to ensure the tools are there to detect toxic actions.
Where is the INTx Unleashed podcast??? I need one.
Anyway, I’m not an INFx myself, but I just wanted to share some of my suggestions from my perspective. The self care and anger advice is ridiculously obvious from my point of view, no offense, but since I’ve learned so much from NFs on how to talk more about. . . “feelings”, I thought I’d repay the favor by teaching you all to be a little more rational.
Pieces of Advice to NFs from an NT.
1. Realize that some of the people you’re people pleasing with are thinkers, and I’m sure you know better than me how feelers work, but I’ll tell you more about us. Reacting in a more logical and calm way in disagreement actually causes us to respect you more than dislike you. Some people imagine a debate full of angry insults as “logical,” but no, that’s a shouting match. It’s also emotional, even if they call it logical as a lot of “neckbeard types” do, except the emotion is more of anger than something less hostile like sadness. Some immature thinkers think otherwise, please ignore them.
2. Sometimes if you want to calm down an argument, you don’t do so by being emotional in declaring your love or expressing rage. Especially very cynical or hardheaded types won’t care. So do what a lot of rationals do. Become calm and even a bit cold for a moment. Then as you listen to their arguments, answer with something neutral like, “Ah, that’s very interesting,” or “Ah, I see.” Those emotional persuasive techniques will make you liked, but it won’t make you respected or intimidated to back off. So when arguing, breathe in a deep breath, repeat a calming mantra in your head and strike with a very piercing attack. Being calm is intimidating because it gives the message that you don’t give a f***.
3. Learn how to tell if someone in conflict with you is lying. I’m sure a lot of feelers can often tell if someone is lying by their body language or intuition for example, but how thinkers can tell if someone is lying is often essential. The thing about telling if someone is lying with emotions is that you can tell how they’re feeling, but that doesn’t actually reveal the deeper reasons to it. Maybe someone is nervous because they’re just shy, not that they’re lying. That also doesn’t allow you to know when someone has good intentions or is confident, but they’re still objectively wrong about their decision. So here is my advice. Look up the website dataisbeautiful. See the logical fallacies article. Memorize them. Use them in everyday life to become more confident with your own decisions with yourself and other people.
You’re welcome.
I think it’s safe to say that the universe works in mysterious ways. I hadn’t listened to the pod cast for a little while and this morning at the gym when deciding what I should let rattle around in my head while working out I had a gut feeling that I should check out the Personality Hacker Pod Cast. Opening Google Podcast to find the episodes I wasn’t sure what I was looking for, I just had a feeling I would find something that might answer a question I didn’t even know I was looking to answer or, hear words that might help my mood/ mind set. Sure enough, near the top of the list and the only episode that caught my eye was this one. From all the online surveys I have taken (I know they aren’t the most accurate but it’s all I have for now) I am an INFJ and this episode really hit home. I am most definitely one of the people whose uses anger to make changes, although I refer to it as letting my give a F@#K meter hit Zero which then allows me to make a change. I was happy to hear I was also not the only one that shared the same struggles other INF’s have expressed in their interviews with finding purpose, self-care, and trusting myself. I just wanted to say thanks to the Personality Hacker team and look forward to checking out the INFX Empowered course and to implementing some of the suggestions from this episode.