Download Episode Hereright click link and select “Save Link As…”

In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk Antonia’s dark night of the soul experience and how personality type is relevant.

In this podcast you’ll find:

  • Why is Antonia at a loss for words?
  • Antonia’s Dark Night of the Soul.
  • What happens when you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel?
    • What a Dark Night of the Soul means.
    • Finding guidance when you can’t see for yourself.
    • Having strength to share your Introverted Feeling (Authenticity) experience.
  • Discovering what is impacting you.
    • What it means to be sensitive to energy.
    • How energetic self-care lets you thrive.
    • The power and struggle of self-discipline.
    • How your type affects your environment, and how your environment affects you.
  • When depression can be a door to open spiritual awakening.
  • How the Enneagram and Dr. Beatrice Chestnut and Uranio Paes help Antonia.
    • What the Enneagram symbol means outside of a personality lens.
    • The Enneagram map.
    • The different Enneagram phases of life.
    • The unconsciousness of Enneagram phase 9 and being stuck.
    • How experiences shock us into change.
    • Why Enneagram phase 4 and 5 are associated with a Dark Night of the Soul.
    • Ways you can recognize that you can truly grow.
  • What is your true essence?
    • Why your identity is not your thoughts.
    • What happens when you let your thoughts go?
    • Who are you without your emotions?
    • Who are you at the core of your being?
  • Ways to evaluate the value of going through a Dark Night of the Soul.
  • Dr. Dario Nardi’s personality work on a deeper, spiritual level.
    • Taking detours in life.
    • Not relying on our more talented cognitive functions.
    • What integration of our lower cognitive functions really means.
    • The Magic Diamond book.
  • Joel’s tips for navigating your energy and self-care:
    • Why action is so vital.
    • Where to find balance.
    • How letting go helps.
    • What is most important for you to know.
  • What acceptance does for you when you’re struggling.

To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below:

Subscribe with iTunes
Non-iTunes Link
Google Play
Radio Public
Listen Notes

If you like the podcast and want to help us out in return, please leave an honest rating and review on iTunes by clicking here. It will help the show and its ranking in iTunes immensely! We would be eternally grateful!

Want to learn more?

Discover Your Personal Genius


We want to hear from you. Leave your comments below…


  • Artheiya
    • Artheiya
    • December 25, 2021 at 5:29 am

    I really needed this. For this was my second DNotS (yep, look at it. If it looks a bit like “Do not’s” to you, too, then we’re sharing the same thought. X’D. But obviously, choice is not it. Or rather, to say it on Matrix terms: We already made the choice, now we need to understand it!).

    My first was pretty much right between 2012/2013 and lasted me a while. This time, at the brink between 2021/2022, it was/is like a condense process going on for a shorter period but going even deeper than before. Which….. was unexpected and yet, it all makes a lot of sense. I got the spiritual answers rahter fast (as that comes naturally to me, an INFP and 4w5 Enneagram person, by the way). The practical answers and impact will follow.

    The funny thing is, I could see sth. big coming, yet – for obviously good reasons – I could not at all see coming that this would be the way I would close this tough cycle and embark into a new state (I wanted to say “phase” but it did not feel right. That in inself tells me sth.).

    I’m really really glad you talked about this topic here. Because you worded what I’ve been feeling very strongly. That the spiritual component is missing even though it’s always been part of the picture. A crucial access point to intuition, always. And intuition being the access point to information that transcends our current state. The means that leads us outside of the box.

    In my perception, living outside of the box is what I perceive as my norm :‘D Always have. The funny thing is, that trying to take a solid step into the box, through the “relationship” field of life, was what had brought disruption and two DNotS upon me (I say “upon”, I mean “inside-out & outside-in”). So I hear you talk and it’s a bit like you and I do the opposite things of stiching two sides of reality together, that have always been one. Just not in the mainstream human perception, or even the non-mainstream human one.

    I was looking for access points into the box to bring in what I learnt and to mange to ground some of it outside of myself and not just inside me. What you described here, was about dismantling yourself to be able to leave the box and observe the box as well as the essence of the observing.

    Time has passed. As you very well mentioned, good people with good concepts have and are stumbling and trying to get things done in ways that are disruptive. These people are on all “sides”. It’s heart breaking. But it is also part of the solution and progress, such as the DNotS process is. Not seeing the light at the end is the point. We run towards light when we see it. We are put in a position of running not leading anywhere and entering stillness bringing the light forth inside. But first, we must manage to walk through the pain with all senses open. To sit with our dismantling selves. To allow the grace of healing to take place. Beyond our control, beyond time, beyond life requirements. And then, the light eventuually becoming visible against inside ourselves, will mean to honor how proceeding towards it may be a baby step at a time and a break. A baby step and a break. And that is enough.

    And why wouldn’t it be enough. The world can certainly provide that. But does it? ;) Always! But can we perceive that and leave the co-creative parts to the intelligence around us? Sometimes. Hopefully.

    I wonder what conclusion I’ll see this time around. I wonder, if slipping in and out the box as necessary and helpfull, will finally become more live-able and – in my specific case – not “just” on my own. I can do that alright for years already X’D Who’s gonna enjoy to cross-stich both “perspecives” and all their potentials and challenges together with me, I wonder? Or will I do it myself? And then maybe retire at some point, happily? Will it be long? I feel like a retired and emergency re-installed granny already X’D (at the physical age of soon 33, which never said much about me).

    We’ll see.

    I hope all your journeys go well. For all of you. Whatever that means at each given time. I’ll see you there. (As in: I actually perceive us in state of unity already. At all times. Which is reassuring and irritating as heck)

  • Zi
    • Zi
    • January 10, 2021 at 2:27 am

    Hello both, i was reading a book where the author mentioned “he was going through a dark night of the soul”. Felt compelled to leave a comment. The book is called Synchronicity by Chris Mackey.

    I hope one day you might make a podcast and count back on all the occasions of serendipity and synchronicity that led to who you are today.

  • Melissa Chambers
    • Melissa Chambers
    • October 7, 2020 at 8:35 am

    Thank you Antonia for showing up not rosie. I find my suppressed dominant introverted feeling wanting to reach out to you and let you know everything will be alright and the light is always there, you will find it and you can totally trust yourself. I sense that you sharing your journey though this is likely to result in your most important work ever. This video is a slideshow of progress and poetry of my painting named Innate over the past couple of months. I listened to many of your podcasts and videos during the hours of painting, which is the first in many years. I am feeling you more than ever in this episode. <3

  • Jennifer
    • Jennifer
    • October 2, 2020 at 8:22 pm

    Congratulations Antonia!

    I know that’s a weird thing to say when you are feeling so down. That said, if you are moving from a 4 space to a 5 space, well it seems appropriate. So, congratulations.

    I believe I went through this process in 2019. It really does feel awful while in it, so I don’t envy where you are right now. For myself, I’m super grateful that I went through it before 2020 because I would have shut the process down and sucked up my emotions if a bunch of people were telling me that everyone is feeling that, it’s normal (SP-type4 and ISFP) LOL. I needed that space for it to be unusual that I was feeling down and crying and just feeling off. Of note: your podcast was really the walking angels (was that the term you used?) for me.

    In 2019, our family and life circumstances were great and knowing that gave me room to sit with my dark night of the soul and see where it lead. I took up meditation and worked to get past my thoughts and really sit with myself (a summary of that meditation process and my own ah ha’s The process has been invaluable for moving though this year with a sense of ease. Another reason to really feel grateful.

    Two notes from my perspective:
    1) I have trouble seeing this as an Fi exploration, being a Driver Fi. For me, it was very much letting go of that. From what I think I’m hearing, you are letting go of your Ti to sit with the process, I felt I was letting go of my Fi to sit with the process. For me, sitting in “essence” is well beyond the function stacks (which you did state, on the podcast, so I want to honor that aspect of your journey)

    2) If I’m correct about myself, and I’ve gone through this process recently. I don’t think that there is a loss or disconnection of my function stack or enneagram type. My relationship with them has definitely changed, and they are still very much in my tool box. If I were to use a metaphor I would say that before 2019 my function stack and my enneagram type (and any other personality tool) were very much MY identity. I was working to develop a healthy relationship with how I expressed them, but they were ME. After my dark night I now visualize them more as a roundtable of characters that advice me on issues and are there as support staff. If my essence involves equanimity then I have found that has not only expressed itself more in the world this year, but also I’ve felt it toward those inner advisers as well.

    For me, it’s like I stopped taking myself quite so seriously and I don’t get so attached to my identity or whether or not people see and understand me. Don’t get me wrong, I still get bent out of shape, but I feel that energy shift more quickly and recognize that I’m identifying with some aspect of personality type.

    Example, right this second I’m feeling a bit self-conscious that this is all coming across as conceited on my part. Feeling that energy in my body, allowing it to be there until it feels heard has been my practice. Kind of an act of releasing my self importance in this post. Even writing that out has allowed it to leave. Now I can take the action and allowing others to find value in this reply or not. Anyway, it’s a work in progress.

    I wish you well on this journey through the Dark Night of the Soul and I can’t wait to see you on the other side.

    Thank you for your bravery in sharing your experience while in the middle of it. <3

  • Ty
    • Ty
    • September 28, 2020 at 11:36 pm

    I can really tell how much emotional/spiritual/mental work Joel has been doing- it’s showing up loud and clear. Wow! Would love a future podcast on Joel’s progression & journey.

    It’s woo-woo but I am seeing a definite trend of many different people being in some way pushed or “called” to the next level really quickly. Maybe that’s just the dance of nature- what’s required when outside circumstances get this upside down and chaotic.

    It’s obvious to you Antonia how Joel is up-leveling but you are definitely doing it too.

    Yours is the way of the butterfly. You are the caterpillar being liquified into no-nothing do-nothing be-nothing goop.

    You are being disintegrated.

    I have been there.

    It does not feel good.

    All your instincts are correct though. There is nothing to do but let the process unfold. You will know when it is time to emerge. It simply will be time.

    The good news, the thing to have faith in, is that at the end of this you will find yourself with powers and abilities you never even could have dreamed of. Like a land-bound caterpillar who can suddenly fly- your abilities and opportunities will be vastly expanded.

    Take care of yourself, be patient, have faith.

    It’s coming.

Leave a comment

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.