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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about ways to get past your personality and discover who you are underneath.

In this podcast you’ll find:

  • Recent program on Enneagram with Dr. Beatrice Chestnut and Uranio Paes.
  • How the Enneagram system talks about Personality.
  • What does it mean to be ‘in personality’?
  • The willingness to see the self as having unhealthy patterns.
  • How the ‘I am the type of person that…’ statements keep us stuck.
  • The example of doubling down on introversion.
  • The role of ego in protecting us from criticism.
  • Maturity defined as = not needing to be lied to.
  • The metaphor of playing hide and seek with your child, and how maturity changes the rules of the game.
  • Is our hypersensitivity caused by the rejection of dark parts within ourselves?
  • Fighting what emerges from the unconscious: a personal share from Joel as a Social 6 in the Enneagram.
  • “Personality is who you are not, but who are you without it?”
  • How can we use ‘getting offended’ as an arrow pointing back at the self?
  • Oneness and why the other is ultimately a representation of you.
  • What is it that I am protecting myself from seeing because I don’t think I can handle it?
  • The fear of losing the ‘good parts’ of ourselves.
  • Going from creating new pathways to taking responsibility for all your mental wiring and your world-view.
  • Turning yourself into an action, a verb beyond the labels.
  • Philosopher Ken Wilber, work on spiral dynamics, axiom: wake up, grow up, clean up, show up.
  • Defining what it means to ‘grow up’ and ‘clean up’.
  • Uranio Paes: “Psychological work without spiritual work is incomplete, spiritual work without psychological work is dangerous.”
  • How the world is waking up and showing up, and why the ‘clean up’ part is the hardest of all.
  • How has the notion of ‘growing up’ evolved over the years?
  • Start with cleaning your room – Jordan Peterson – 12 Rules for Life
  • What does ‘doing the work’ of moving into your true essence look like?
  • Projection illustrated – INFJs and narcissists, and how every type struggles with some form of projection.
  • Applying these concepts to Myers Briggs – how type can lead to one-sidedness.
  • Making the ‘unconscious conscious’ when it comes to your Myers Briggs type.
    • Where have you become one-sided?
    • Where you fixed/stuck in your personality?
  • Owning your triggers.
  • Share your stories below!

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  • Jeff Klassen
    • Jeff Klassen
    • March 16, 2021 at 2:54 am

    Hey. This was an overall good episode.

    One point that resonated is owning one’s triggers. One example is what I count as respect may not be what another person close to me counts as respect. In response to this trigger I can move from anger, to being less sensitive, to giving more space. In doing this work I can see myself in some part transcending my ego. But ego transcendence is a process, and shows up in a number of ways.

    Thanks for this enlightening episode!

  • Howard
    • Howard
    • November 14, 2020 at 9:59 am

    Having recently been ‘woken up’ i can totally relate to this podcast and recognising the power of the ego.

    After a relationship breakup where i discovered i had been Passive Aggressive PA and emotionally hurt my partner, i was doubly traumatised as well as this happening during covid19 lockdown.
    i was in a really dark place, didnt want to be here anymore and cried everyday for months. It really was mentally brutal.
    Then one day, i was being super self critical on myself when a new strong voice spoke up in my head and told me to STOP IT, NO MORE! – my true self saved me and now i feel like 2 people – me and my ego. it was a real surprise!
    Since then I have done heaps of study into psychology side (PA, personality typology, enneagrams, attachment theory, relationships, self help and ego work), and also spiritually Eckhart Tolle and Eastern philosophy eg Taoism, mindfulness, and meditation which is especially helpful to quiet the egos chatter.

    So this is how i WOKE UP.

    To GROW UP for me meant to learn to start loving myself and become emotionally mature

    Then to CLEAN UP was to take responsibility and apolgise to people i knew i had been PA mean to – boy that was hard and humbling. It also meant i had to do the leg work with the study etc and then reconstruct myself.

    Lastly to SHOW UP meant to do what i FELT was me – not what i thought other people expected me to be, and catch my ego reacting to to triggers and making up stories and scenarios etc (makes me chuckle when i do catch it out), but it is clever so requires constant attention and being Present helps too. i realise this will be a lifelong task.
    I am 55 now and what a relief to understand myself. i also learnt this year that i am an INFJ :-)

    Thankyou Joel and Antonia for all the thought you put into Personality Hacker, i have been following
    you guys since April and it has been so helpful for me stopping the ego’s negative self talk and defensiveness and helping me develop into the happier person i have always wanted to be Thanks Howard xx

  • Anthony Chmura
    • Anthony Chmura
    • October 30, 2020 at 11:06 pm

    This is one of the best of your best episodes!! It clarified so much for me: ego work, ego itself, and the Enneagram. I’ve known I’m a 3 for years but never got what that really meant or why it mattered, and now I just get it and I see my vanity fixation in almost everything I’ve ever done. Every work decision, college, relationships, why I was vegan for six months in high school (I said I wanted to be healthier but really I was just showing off). Thank you! This was incredibly helpful.

  • Rob
    • Rob
    • October 22, 2020 at 10:10 am

    I also struggled a bit to follow all the ideas and concepts. So I have this friend that I like a lot, but she is emotionally unavailable. She is often brutally honest, I think it´s more unconscious and the way she is and also she is messing with me often. Some of her comments though touch on my deep insecurities and still make me feel bad about myself and wanting to be someone else. So according to what you´ve discussed in the episode, it´s my responsibility to choose how I feel about those kind of comments. I find it, however, very difficult. Maybe it´s because I like her more than a friend, and maybe because I´m in a more unstable and sensitive state of mind because of other things. But how to master the control of your feelings. How to react to those kind of comments? Shall I just let her say them without any reaction or defense? That would be the way to go if I understood your pod correctly, but it doesn´t quite feel like the right thing to do either!?

  • Andreea Vitan
    • Andreea Vitan
    • October 19, 2020 at 6:56 pm

    Hey guys, I love your work, it’s very inspiring to me. Your work helped me understand the futility of trying to stop hiding from people so I won’t feel their feelings because I am an INFJ.
    I knew about this “label” for many years but never paid attention, but this is not the reason I’m writing this comment, the “why INFJ’s see so many narcissists” triggered me.

    My mum has very high narcissistic treads, I won’t say she is a narcissist because I’m not qualified for it, and I was raised as a “scapegoat”, and “matured” as a very codependent person and with a generalised anxiety disorder.

    All my previous partners, including my ex-husband, had similar treads, my bosses (most of them), my friends (many of them) … and the most basic reason is that narcissist to get supply it’s convenient to use as victims, and most easily, the ones that already have a victim mentality.
    On the other hand, I see all this bad life experience as “training”, I’m very close to becoming immune to narcissistic attacks, I’ve self-healed my anxiety, and yes it’s an epidemy caused by last hundreds of years or more of “mentally living”, disconnected from nature and from ourselves.
    And in my opinion, maybe there is a connection between being an INFJ’s and surviving narcissistic abuse and that’s why are so many people with different levels of a narcissist personality in INFJ’s life.

    Thanks for your time and attention

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