Podcast – Episode 0277 – Your Mess Is Your Message

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In this episode, Joel and Antonia give a live talk from the main stage at Profiler Training in Washington DC about how to find your message in the messes of your life.

In this podcast you’ll find:

 

In this episode, Joel and Antonia give a live talk from the main stage at Profiler Training in Washington DC about how to find your message in the messes of your life. #personalgrowth

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Showing 7 comments
  • Michael (A.A)
    Reply

    I thought I’d add to this podcast by sharing some of my messes I’ve had over the years, but never told anyone. I’ve made up a lot of messes by confronting things in my personal relationships, but for the frustrations I’ve had from hearing things from strangers —from TV shows, videos, comments, books, and so on? I thought that would be best dealt with by confessing these ideas in public in an appropriate place where people are willing to listen, and knowing that I noticed all your articles on “(Type) problems in relationships” had all NTs having a problem with vulnerability, I thought I’d practice with that. So here goes.

    Dear Society and all 16 Personality Types,

    Here is a list of things I’m personally frustrated with you about.

    1. When I tell you that I cate about what other people think, you just tell me it doesn’t matter what others think. Yes, I know that, and I literally tried dozens of therapies working around it, and I still care even if you tell me that. So shut up with giving me that advice because it’s not working. “Just get over it,” isn’t good advice at all. I’ve heard the advice. Change yourself, so you can change the world. Well, I’ve changed myself enough to talk about this, but some people who take that advice never move forward to the second half of that sentence.

    2. The Fe Harmony users piss me off whenever they tell me that I should let someone off just because they’re speaking nicely. Someone can be condescending while speaking nicely. Positive discrimination, of course, is still discrimination. The fact that you think you’re helping the disadvantaged by handing out pity parties that idealize people such as women as completely strong, the disabled as completely gentle innocent souls, and racial minorities as deeply wise in “magical negro” or “magical asian” tropes (See TV tropes articles) isn’t helping. Forget our vulnerabilities, imperfections and complex unexpected strengths such as the black not always having to be “black strong women” but “black gentle women”, or the disabled as not always innocent, but completely charismatic in an intimidating way would be a refreshing thing.

    3. Te Effectiveness users also piss me off whenever they assume that if the majority agreed to a logical decision, then it’s true. If a gathering of experts came and talked about something in a business meeting, then it’s right. If a gathering of scientists agreed about something in an experiment, then it’s right. I’m not telling you to not trust experts at all, and I value them, but realize that experts are only experts in their own fields. Stop assuming a medical doctor can educate you on things about the philosophy of the meaning of life. Stop assuming just because someone is a legal position do they know about the history of something to make a decision on that. When working in a complex subject like poverty or corruption, experts on social psychology, economists, agricultural science, marketing, data scientists, and so on have to work together. Not one type of expert can tell you the answers to everything, and especially stop assuming scientists can give you expert advice on emotional issues, as well as distrusting anyone who gives you emotional advice without any credibility.

    4. I’m pissed off whenever I see Fi Authenticity users who assume something is objectively true just because their emotions say so. I’m not against subjective truth in genuinely subjective things like choosing a career you like or your preferences in creative expressions, but if you’re going to use emotions for genuinely logical things, it drives me crazy. I remember a Fi user who once said during an election, “I’m going to listen to each political speech and vote for the one that resonates with my deepest emotions. No, look at their opinions on practical issues, you idiot. Look at what type of results they’ve made. God, don’t use Fi for societal Fe issues either. What emotionally works for you as an individual is not what works for others, so stop acting like you know what’s best for others when pushing your beliefs.

    5. I’m going to diss on other high Ti Accuracy users, namely the immature ones. Here’s the thing. Something is not more likely to be objectively false because the belief is popular, full of emotional motivations, and is what tradition commands. I’m not saying those beliefs are only true because of that, but it’s not immediately false either. Mature emotional arguments are essential, not just because it makes people “like” you, but because someone who shows themselves as emotionally mature in arguments is less likely to lie about objective information, and are less likely to be immaturely biased to one side of an argument. To recognize people’s emotional motivations, is a very essential part of knowing what is accurate, so stop ignoring that, or assuming anyone who disagrees with you has immature irrational intentions.

    Thank you for reading. I hope you reflect on this and consider it deeply.

    Sincerely,
    Some Person You Saw Online.

  • Matt
    Reply

    So, this is (as usual) perfectly titled. I have to admit that I pick and choose podcasts from y’all depending on my mood and where I left off in the list that I’m still trying to listen to each one in order (which will never actually happen, but it’s a vision thing). I am excellent at logistics and translation so I tend to be (I think) an integrator. I have a very easy time when it comes to finding “book publishers” though my roommate uses the analogy of Dungeons and Dragons I have a modifier to my charisma skill (it only works with women and only if I’m not actively trying to use it). Anyway (I tend to digress and circumlocute a great deal, which is why I prefer the modern social more of texting rather than calling…

    My point and question are simple. If I had 10 minutes at a microphone I would say 2 very simple sentences and then explain what I meant if someone was giving me questions from the “audience”. My simple, short statment (which I actually kind of hurl at people who I feel are of similar…hippie-minded hug-it-out-because-it’s-4:20 tribe…) would be as follows.

    “Money isn’t an actual thing, it’s a concept that has become so ingrained into society for so many centuries that it might as well be a real thing, but it keeps us from looking at each other and caring about each other. This is a bad thing because every person you ever come into contact with is another human and we are all siblings.”

    So that’s a simple enough thing to say and even to understand. But my vision and my blind spot are the same thing. I hate money, and I prefer to have a sort of loosely defined, but hardcore loyal network of people who pool their resources but only a certain amount of those resources which they enjoy sharing, can share without detriment to their core needs, and have few constraints about how, when, and with whom those resources are shared. I’ve been working on the group for ages but I’m not an alpha or even a beta. I’m a troubleshooter who loves to solve a crisis if it’s within or near my wheelhouse (and I’m not good with the technology, I’m much more tactile and simple in my preferred niches of doing my best to be a hippie in my head but remembering to make enough money so that I can eat and everything while also not working too much to burn out and become bitter instead. I love to integrate. Finding people who need each other and introducing them to each other brings me a high that is akin to the first time I ever…did something I won’t admit to on the internet. 😉

    So if my vision is my blind spot and I’m a tactile, kinesthetic learner who loves people but hates money. How would a Type 2Enne who’s an ENFP learn to not sound like I need to be 5150’d and put on medication? And also make money for the groups development but let someone else deal with the money, social media, marketing, and the technical things that I can’t do and can’t yet afford to pay for? I’ve been stuck on this particular “plateau” for a couple of years and though I LOVE your podcasts, most of the time I just sit, nodding my head and thinking, “Damn, so much same here. So how do I get where J and A are?” I’m kinda getting there (I think) but I’m impatient.

  • Natalie
    Reply

    This ISTJ doesn’t dislike you, Antonia!!

  • D
    Reply

    The INTP in me wants you guys to call it the Visionary-Integrator-Calibrator (VIC) model 🙂.

    This has already become a favorite podcast and in some senses helps me realize what has been missing on my own personal journey. Do you think you can have a different blindspot in different context? I think I mainly have the Integrator or Calibrator are my blindspots, but it seems to vary.

    Also have you guys mapped to functions or is there even a correlation. This is mainly going back to something you said about INTPs being able to zoom in/out which seems to speak to both vision and calibration. Obviously the integration seems tied to the whole INTP motivation. Obviously my narrow reference seems to make sense but does this pan out for other types? Food for thought.

    Either way, great content!

  • V
    Reply

    34:23, second vision-building question:
    What problem have you solved that when other people give bad/incorrect advice around you feel the need to correct?

    What if you don’t feel like you’ve solved any problems? (sorry that I’m younger and that my parents coddled me in their solidly middle class way). How do you…find problems to solve, especially problems that you [feel like you] are capable of solving? Especially as an integrator last in my ‘stack’ (definitely resonate with Antonia’s description of ‘things just happen around me’).

    Perhaps by developing the co-pilot/getting out of your ego? (For me at least, this is definitely the same thing – not sure about extroverts?)

    • Antonia Dodge
      Reply

      Give yourself some time. I hate to say it, but life isn’t easy on anyone and at some point you will have a ‘mess’ that you’ll be learning invaluable lessons around.

      -A-

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