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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about which Myers-Briggs cognitive function is more selfish “Harmony” (Extraverted Feeling) or “Authenticity” (Introverted Feeling).
In this podcast you’ll find:
- Joel defines selfishness as taking more than you should.
- Antonia defines selfishness as making sure you get yours first.
- Extraverted Feeling “Harmony” Fe – All FJs and TPs
- Introverted Feeling “Authenticity” Fi – All FPs and TJs
- Fi is selfish for the individual.
- Fe is selfish for the collective.
- Fe may define selfishness as individuating away from the collective.
- Fi thinks it’s selfish to make everyone assimilate.
- Fe finds it rewarding when someone gets their needs met.
- Fe also takes a hit if someone isn’t getting their needs met.
- Fe uses other people’s emotions to calibrate if everyone’s needs have been met sufficiently.
- To a Fe user, Fi does feel selfish because they are taking more energetic resource than they are allowed.
- Why is it okay to sacrifice inner turmoil over group turmoil?
- Fe allows everybody to have a bad day as long as everyone agrees that they take turns.
- Fi sometimes forgets that other people have struggles too and need a turn in the bitch fest.
- Fi sometimes wants everybody else to focus on their problems and solve them.
- Fe can be a sickly sweet commandant who condescends to others and forces them to do things their way.
- Fi can’t understand why anyone would suppress who they are for the group’s benefit.
- Fe sacrifices themselves every day for the group’s benefit.
- Fe creates a system where everybody gets their time/day to be special. And the rest of us acknowledge when it is our day and when it is not.
- Fi doesn’t understand why they need to assimilate for the benefit of everyone.
- We all have to take the hit on occasion.
- Fe does more emotional labor than the other types, so they notice when things are imbalanced.
- Sometimes we project selfishness on to people who have permitted themselves to do what we haven’t. So, it’s a sort of envy.
- Fe: “I wish I had permission to take for myself.”
- Fe can learn from Fi that they need to acknowledge their needs freely.
- Individuals matter, and they need to acknowledge their needs eventually.
- Fe users can become passive-aggressive, angry, and resentful against the people around them who seem to take, take, take.
- What Fe fails to realize is they are the ones who created the situation.
- It becomes a false virtue for Fe users to sacrifice to others while hiding feelings of anger and resentment.
- Resentment’s root is in envy.
- Fe hates feeling negative emotions about others, so instead of stacking resentment maybe they can learn from the actions of the Fi user.
- “They’re giving themselves permission to have those feelings and be disruptive, and I need to give myself the permission to do the same thing on occasion.”
- Less mature Fe wants us all to buy into the same reality.
- Fe teaches us that even if we can’t find compassion for ourselves, we can still be compassionate to others.
- Fi can feel emotionally cavalier to Fe because Fi assumes everybody can deal with their emotional experience.
- Fe is more gentle with people’s emotions, but they tend to overdo the nurturing and over-protecting.
- Over-protecting is selfish of Fe because they are protecting themselves from having to see someone else in pain.
- Our egos are the manifestation of selfishness.
- So, our way is always going to appear better to us than someone else’s way.
- Selfishness is not the product of a cognitive function.
- Selfishness is the product of the individual.
- All of us are selfish.
- We have thrived as a species because we are selfish and have a will to live and dominate.
- We accuse each other of selfishness but rarely admit it to ourselves.
- Fe has its finger on the pulse of how serving the group helps serve self.
- The more seasoned Fe gets, the more it will bring in Ti and need less input from others.
- It’s common for younger Fe users to conflate harmony with agreement.
- When Fe is caught up in something symbiotic, it wants to share it.
- Fi has to get good at knowing the sweet spot.
- “Most of me is on board, so it’s good.”
- Fe assumes everyone is going to be on board.
- Fe feels good when everybody is experiencing the same emotion.
- Fi wants to make sure it won’t regret doing something that runs contrary to its values.
- Project positive intent on others.
- Fi can learn from Fe and vice versa.
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50 comments
Ok Joel you kinda irritated me this ep , I am a recent listener just checking your playlist for interesting podcasts,(they are all excellent btw , the best mbti content ever made , full stop), so my understanding of the cognitive functions could be off and underdeveloped but if I may speak from a personal point of view and since I am a dominant Fe user ( enfj in the building) ,other fe users may agree , fe isn’t about how many poeple do I need on broad for this to be unselfish nor is it about this is what the majority thinks so it must be true ,I mean it kinda is? but not entirely,we are not such a "yes man ", just hear me out ?, so I believe something, like I observed a situation, a phenomenon and go oh this works or oh this creating issues, i get a hypothesis that i will never ever believe entirely cause i just don’t trust me to be 100 % right , so I turn to other people, cause the more poeple I got on broad, the more I can convince, the more my belief will strengthen ,cause come on as shallow as humans may seem ,they got brains ,each one of them had to run this idea of mine through their brain cells, belief systems , accuracy scans and so on and so forth , and then come to the conclusion that I am right , it’s like the concept of one hand can’t clap or the two brain on it is better then one , so how about 10 brains ,on the other side there is the goal I am going for with all this ,I mean I can’t just believe an idea in my own head and call it a day , I gotta get the collective on broad to do something with it right , so yeah this my opinion on your whole " our will is slaves to numbers " kinda of impression you gave me ,I don’t see a bunch of poeple believing something and go oh this must be true ,I mean I would if I run it through my own personal belief system and morals , yes we got one of those too , and more importantly I try to observe the consequences of this belief in the moment and speculate them on the long term ,then I can definitely say if I am joining or not ,but most of the time it’s the other way around, I realize something is needed cause some group whether it’s humans or animals or whatever is suffering and I also realize that if I am ever gonna do something about this then I better get my human resources going, the more the merrier cause the numbers give truth and impact to my cause not me and this is why they will always be more important then the individual ,because each one of them is also an individual on their own , not only that one odd man screaming faulse , you asked why would 10 poeple matter more then one individual and I ask why he/she must matter more then 10 " individuals", yeah I am probably spiraling and repeating my words but in my defense English isn’t my first language so cut me some slack pls , as for why we tend to call Fi selfish well personally it’s never because you insist on expressing your " authentic: self ( what ever that means honestly, I could never understand how you would assume something is 100 % you, I believe that every action ,thought ,emotion ,breath a human ever expresses , their whole existence and everything that makes them them is necessarily the consequence of another’s so good luck defining “you” cause I can’t) my problem it’s that you insist on doing it ALWAYS regardless of the timing , the place ,the general mood , others feelings and mind state , I don’t blame you for thinking or feeling differently but I sometimes ( key word sometimes) blame you for expressing it ,and I am talking to you Ti also , you just refuse to FAKE IT , like you are so above it when you wouldn’t be humans without a little bit of conscious or unconscious "fake"in the mix , there’s a reason white lies exist you know , I am not telling you to turn away from a woman getting shamed or a group bullying someone, never but when some middle aged woman is bragging about her meat pie recipe and you couldn’t give a crap even if you tried, just fake some interest will you and don’t kill her vibe,( yes I know you aren’t big on " vibe " and it’s not of your business cause it’s freaking MINE and believe me it will be yours as long as to continue to exist in that sphere)just try and figure out your priorities of when you need to Express yourself cause believe me you don’t always have to ,standing up for a moral cause and insisting on wearing a certain tie aren’t really on the same level even if they both feel just as " authentic" to you , so yeah do me a favor Fi and Ti users just fake it sometimes will you
I think I am an ESFP (introvert feeler). I’m interested if you would say this an example of using my introvert feeling to bring harmony?…
My family was getting together to celebrate my birthday, instead of wanting to make everyone have my favorite cake, one year I decided to ask everyone what their favorite cake is, and bought a slice of everyone’s favorite cake for them to have.
NONE of them have changed the system.
All of the people you mentioned were / are agents of the ruling elite used to create division.
Martin Luther King was a sexual predator, an abuser, and a plagiarist. His “I Have A Dream” speech was plagiarized from someone else’s writing. He was used by ruling elite as an agent, then was murdered when he went off-script in being against the Vietnam war:
https://www.henrymakow.com/2021/01/mlk-holiday-confirms-us-is-de-facto-communist.html
Rosa Parks was a communist agent:
https://www.henrymakow.com/Rosa-Parks-Proof-Communists.html
Colin Kaepernick is a paid useful idiot used to create racial division.
The only way to change the corrupt systems is to eliminate them and replace them with systems that mimic nature and are in harmony with nature and support ALL life, not just a select psychopathic criminal few who own and control everything.
The money system needs to be eliminated and replaced with a distribution system where everything is available free of charge (The Venus Project – Jacque Fresco’s vision of a better world). Many jobs are useless, and need to be abolished. The current corporate model would be abolished, as money would no longer exist. The focus would change to people finding and living their purpose for living, and giving the gifts they are here to give, and support for this would be integrated into the society.
The legal system needs to be totally redesigned, most laws need to be simplified or eliminated, the language of law needs to be changed from dishonest Legalese to the language of the area, and the focus of it needs to be changed from only imprisonment to correction of aberrant thinking / mental disorders. The most dangerous offenders whose behavior/ thinking cannot be corrected (serial killers, psychopaths) should be kept away from everyone else.
The medical system needs to be totally redesigned and many of its current practices based on lies need to be dropped. Vaccines are toxic junk science and need to be abolished. Radiation and chemotherapy as cancer treatments are barbaric, and the wrong treatments, and need to be abolished. The fraudulent Louis Pasteur germ theory that underpins modern medicine needs to be dropped, and replaced with the suppressed Antoine Bechamp terrain model of human disease. All of the suppressed cures for disease need to be made available and part of education for doctors and nurses. Revolutionary nutritional healing, sound healing, energy healing, and healing with light need to be researched, perfected, and made available, and taught about in medical school. The current pharmaceutical medical model would not exist anymore.
The education system needs to be changed to teaching how to develop intuition and infinite knowing, critical thinking, asking questions, self-realization, self-inquiry, self-exploration, apotheosis, self-love and self-honouring, manifestation, shadow work, health and healing on all levels of being, expansion of consciousness, and the subject matter of each course. The majority of what is currently taught in school is lies, conformity to lies, conformity to the tribe, conformity to mediocrity, and obedience to authority training. The subject matter in school would be changed to truth and true self-empowerment.
The news media needs to be changed to truth-telling and honest journalism, and all of the liars currently employed as journalists need to be fired and replaced with honest people.
The food distribution system will change, and eventually will not be needed anymore, as more and more people self-realize and their biology spiritually changes to where they do not need to eat anymore.
Narcissism is a better word for only considering yourself and not others.
If she is pressuring you to drink alcohol with her, and she knows you don’t drink, she is an idiot, she doesn’t care about you, and she is not really your friend. Drop her as a friend, and find Intuitive friends who won’t pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do. Stay away from Sensors, unless they are easygoing and relaxed.