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In this episode, Joel and Antonia dive deep into the unique challenges, needs, and desires of the INTJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INTJ personality type you’ll find:
Perspectives/Effectiveness
Cassandra – Greek Mythology – Gift of Prophecy without believers.
Ability to see what’s coming down the line, but nobody cares.
Foresight is different from prophecy.
Prophecy knows what’s coming up. Foresight can predict based on observation.
Strategy: Where’s the puck going?
Cynicism comes along with an INTJ recognizing that the world doesn’t value their gifts.
Isolation, loneliness, misunderstood, separation.
Mastermind Article – “Smartest people in the room based upon analytical and linguistic intelligence.”
We as a society have decided different criteria for intelligence. Not necessarily right. There are multiple styles of intelligence. Other types outclass INTJs regarding different kinds of intelligence (i.e. kinesthetic, emotional, etc.)
INTJs are very careful thinkers. They spend a lot of time thinking about whatever has captured their interest. Because they’re careful about how they think, they are also very careful about how they articulate their thoughts. They will show up as smarter because they express their words more precisely. They encourage everyone else to be more careful with how we think.
They expend Energetic credits in thinking through things, which is why INTJs have such an Economy of motion.
Many INTJs think the vast majority of people are careless thinkers.
The driver process for INTJs is Introverted Intuition that we nicknamed “Perspectives.”
Driver – Ni
Perspectives is the ability to watch your mind form patterns over a long time.
Podcast Introverted Intuition vs Extraverted Intuition
INTJs are inside their mind all the time.
They have a sixth sense of what is coming down the pike.
Perspectives is not right 100% of the time. It is a skill that must be developed. Predictions become more accurate the more you develop the skill.
INTJs love conceptualizing what is happening next.
People who use Perspectives think about the box. It’s about meaning and meta perspectiving.
Perspective users start to realize the subjective nature of how people see the world.
The copilot process for INTJs is Extraverted Thinking that we nicknamed “Effectiveness.”
Effectiveness asks “what works?” What is the bottom line? What will accomplish the objective?
Effectiveness is linear. A step by step approach to how to get things done.
Metrics. How do we measure whether something is pass-fail?
Effectiveness Can appear cold hearted because of its way of navigating around feelings to get a project accomplished.
Break things down to component levels. Uses Humans as resources. Effectiveness is Best when emotions aren’t clouding it.
Ni + Te = Perspectives loves to predict. Effectiveness is about metrics and implementing strategies. Coupled together, these create sustainable systems.
INTJs systems are context dependent. They want to make sure no one comes along and breaks their systems.
The 10-year-old process is Introverted Feeling that we have nicknamed Authenticity.
Tertiary – Fi
Authenticity is a decision-making process that checks in with inner alignment.
How are things impacting you emotionally?
Done well it can replicate someone else’s emotions and mirror those feelings back
As a 10-year-old it isn’t a strength. It becomes solely about how things are impacting the INTJ.
It makes the average INTJ feel like a sitting duck; A childlike part of them that can be hurt.
It’s not just a recognition about how things impact you, but it’s an internalization which becomes more crippling.
INTJs struggle because they have a tendency to over rely on this process.
Driver process is Introverted – Copilot is extraverted: we need to have access to both worlds. Introverts need real world feedback to stay balanced.
Ten year old is introverted. Introverts can find themselves avoiding the outer world and staying within. So they rest on that Ni – Fi loop.
If you get inside somebody else’s perspective, then mirror their emotions it becomes overwhelming to a Thinker. So they shut themselves off and create massive distance from the world.
Why INTJs feel so lonely. Human relationships require a measure of vulnerability.
The solution is that INTJs need to become vulnerable. They will survive. They are resilient.
Pain may seem neverending, but it does fade. People can massively add to the quality of your life.
To get to vulnerability, INTJs need to use their Copilot first. Create systems and frameworks of connecting with others.
Create a social event you can feel some control over. As the host, you are the highest status person in the room, and you know everyone.
When INTJs feel out of control, they clamp down.
When Effectiveness feels good in general, it is more open to experiencing closer relationships.
If INTJs aren’t implementing enough effectiveness strategies, they’re going to feel vulnerable and out of control.
Get out of comfort zone and get into action.
Swap the feeling of vulnerability with empowerment. Empowerment comes from building things in outside world and knowing you got the world handled. Then the vulnerability fades.
Even when Authenticity is used well, and it is healthy it is very idealistic. It’s not so much about reality but conviction. This is how things should be making me feel.
Perfectionism is a running theme for INTJs because it is an idealism of the way things should be.
Idealism gets turned in on INTJ themselves, which is crippling.
The opposite is Effectiveness which is pass/fail criteria. Good is better than perfect.
Authenticity is about “does it feel good to me?” So to INTJs nothing is ever good enough. They are waiting for just the right time. Just that perfect moment to implement the ideal strategy.
INTJs should never wait for that perfect moment to act. Start acting first.
Let Authenticity serve Effectiveness.
Effectiveness forces you out of your shell. But there are so many problems when INTJs use Fi as their navigator.
The 3-year-old process is Extraverted Sensing we have nicknamed “Sensation.”
Inferior – Se
Real-time kinetic connection with the environment. Blind spot to INTJs. Sensation Usually shows up when they are Overly stressed. Causes them to Overindulge in sensory behavior.
Both back seat passengers are incredibly indulgent for INTJs: Fi is emotional indulgence, and Se is sensory indulgence.
The thing that they have to monitor themselves for is whether or not they are going to an indulgent space. INTJs need to be physically aware of their body’s needs. The body is not just a vehicle for the brain.
There are Neurons in the stomach and heart which means that the brain cells extend into our body.
A good relationship with three-year-old means you’re nourishing your body and not feeding it junk food.
INTJ women feel disconnected from other women and intimidating to men.
Thinker Women and Feeler Men podcast
25% of women are Thinkers.
When you don’t fit the ideal imprint of the average female you are not going to attract the highest percentage of people, but there are people out there that are looking for a bird of paradise just like you.
If you haven’t run into these people yet, it is because you’re not in the right place. Go beyond your comfort zone.
INTJs don’t have a lot of patience for themselves. One of the best ways to make space for others and be more patient with others is by being more patient with yourself.
Stop worrying about how you should be and be willing to fail and learn. Be the person who gets things done as opposed to conceptualizing things.
Push through the challenges. There will be waste, but action is better than non-action.
Feedback from the outside world will make you feel stronger and more empowered.
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86 comments
This is a moving comment, Charis, and one that touches me in particular, given my resonance with animals and their love for them. I find it really painful to be with dying animals but as I have become more adept with this, one of the most precious things with me is to have the honour of holding them through their final breaths..I find this easier with natural death than being put to sleep at the vets for some reason. I remember someone bringing me her animals every time they were sick or dying and one day I asked her what that was about and she said ‘you somehow just know how to sit with’
As a female INTJ in crisis I found parts of this podcast very painful but oh so true. After over 50 years I have only just discovered MBTI and the INTJ type and it is an epiphany more me having blamed myself for all these social shortfalls.
Such a comfort to read other INTJ’s comments on their battles and to know that we have so much in common. I am dumbfounded about finally after all these years finding there are people who see the world the way I do. I can’t say how that touches me having felt so alone for so long.
Knowing that the poorly developed authenticity is why I feel so deeply but have cannot manage my feelings so they overwhelm me, has given me a whole new perspective on that problem aspect and some new ideas on how to find a better way. I always thought I was just too empathic but I see now that that is the ‘internalising’ of others feelings and not having coping mechanisms for that.
I shall watch this podcast again and read the comments and it is a great help in a terrible time.
You both nailed it Shawn and Kylie. We value our time and energy because we’re so powerfully driven toward other pursuits. And though our biology also drives us toward coupling-up, in the back of our mind, we’re keenly aware of other personal, seductive, meaningful pursuits usually intellectual, scientific, artistic or…
But as an older INTJ, I don’t regret any former relationships even though they all were, by some definition, train wrecks. I had so many extraordinary experiences outside my normal realm that I would never trade those period.
I learned just this past Monday that a former partner of 17 years passed away at the age of 52. We were a highly productive couple building new homes, advancing businesses and even starting a few of our own. We traveled a lot, by most standards, and we loved and we fought.
She first came down with cancer at age 39. We were breaking up then but we didn’t know she was riddled with illness. The fact is that we can never know where our energy is best spent – we only think we know. And by relaxing that intuitive muscle even by just a bit, we possibly open the door to a more fulfilling life despite if or how a relationship MIGHT end.
I was highly invested in my next two mates too but both ended spending time in psychiatric hospitals. And while everyone else typically abandoned them, I did not. I adored those ladies and we had great fun together. I don’t regret those investments either. They opened up my heart first and then my mind. Seriously, in hindsight (intuition in the mirror) not a bad place to have been.
Shawn,
I found your response to hit the nail on the head with interpersonal relationships, especially relating to romantic relationships.
They are incredibly frustrating in the sense that I can never predict if they’re going to work out. So far none of them have! But the kicker is that when I’m in them I always see potential for them to work out and live as though they are going to (which leads to devastation when it doesn’t, and consequently shoring up stores for the next strain of attacks). My mind has entertained the idea of never engaging in those types of endeavors again, but I know that I want to keep myself open to the possibility should one arise again.
So it’s the conundrum of how much time and energy to invest in a scenario that is by nature wildly unpredictable. The only solution I have come up with so far, is to try and pay attention to my intuition through the entire process. If something keeps showing up on the Dopplar, then I should pay attention to it. Second, throughout the process, with experiences that are uncomfortable or entirely unpredictable by default, I have to ask myself if this is something worth sacrificing my comfort over. Even if it blows up in my face, will I be okay with the fact that I invested XYZ? I think that helps alleviate residual stress if/when something blows up in my face because the decision to be at peace with the result has already been made. The only thing now is to implement being at peace….Eventually. ;)
Anyway, this is something I’ve been thinking about recently, and I’m glad you brought it up because I think it’s a sticky situation for many, if not all of us.
I find that I have patterns of using my perspectives and effectiveness to tackle a huge project followed by years of hiding out and conserving my energy. I have the freedom to do this as my husband is the primary breadwinner of our home. But, this podcast helped me to realize how unhealthy it is for me to hide out for so long. I truly am energized and made to feel more confident when I am working passionately toward building something. I guess it’s time to get back out there…