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In this episode, Joel and Antonia dive deep into the unique challenges, needs, and desires of the INTJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INTJ personality type you’ll find:
Perspectives/Effectiveness
Cassandra – Greek Mythology – Gift of Prophecy without believers.
Ability to see what’s coming down the line, but nobody cares.
Foresight is different from prophecy.
Prophecy knows what’s coming up. Foresight can predict based on observation.
Strategy: Where’s the puck going?
Cynicism comes along with an INTJ recognizing that the world doesn’t value their gifts.
Isolation, loneliness, misunderstood, separation.
Mastermind Article – “Smartest people in the room based upon analytical and linguistic intelligence.”
We as a society have decided different criteria for intelligence. Not necessarily right. There are multiple styles of intelligence. Other types outclass INTJs regarding different kinds of intelligence (i.e. kinesthetic, emotional, etc.)
INTJs are very careful thinkers. They spend a lot of time thinking about whatever has captured their interest. Because they’re careful about how they think, they are also very careful about how they articulate their thoughts. They will show up as smarter because they express their words more precisely. They encourage everyone else to be more careful with how we think.
They expend Energetic credits in thinking through things, which is why INTJs have such an Economy of motion.
Many INTJs think the vast majority of people are careless thinkers.
The driver process for INTJs is Introverted Intuition that we nicknamed “Perspectives.”
Driver – Ni
Perspectives is the ability to watch your mind form patterns over a long time.
Podcast Introverted Intuition vs Extraverted Intuition
INTJs are inside their mind all the time.
They have a sixth sense of what is coming down the pike.
Perspectives is not right 100% of the time. It is a skill that must be developed. Predictions become more accurate the more you develop the skill.
INTJs love conceptualizing what is happening next.
People who use Perspectives think about the box. It’s about meaning and meta perspectiving.
Perspective users start to realize the subjective nature of how people see the world.
The copilot process for INTJs is Extraverted Thinking that we nicknamed “Effectiveness.”
Effectiveness asks “what works?” What is the bottom line? What will accomplish the objective?
Effectiveness is linear. A step by step approach to how to get things done.
Metrics. How do we measure whether something is pass-fail?
Effectiveness Can appear cold hearted because of its way of navigating around feelings to get a project accomplished.
Break things down to component levels. Uses Humans as resources. Effectiveness is Best when emotions aren’t clouding it.
Ni + Te = Perspectives loves to predict. Effectiveness is about metrics and implementing strategies. Coupled together, these create sustainable systems.
INTJs systems are context dependent. They want to make sure no one comes along and breaks their systems.
The 10-year-old process is Introverted Feeling that we have nicknamed Authenticity.
Tertiary – Fi
Authenticity is a decision-making process that checks in with inner alignment.
How are things impacting you emotionally?
Done well it can replicate someone else’s emotions and mirror those feelings back
As a 10-year-old it isn’t a strength. It becomes solely about how things are impacting the INTJ.
It makes the average INTJ feel like a sitting duck; A childlike part of them that can be hurt.
It’s not just a recognition about how things impact you, but it’s an internalization which becomes more crippling.
INTJs struggle because they have a tendency to over rely on this process.
Driver process is Introverted – Copilot is extraverted: we need to have access to both worlds. Introverts need real world feedback to stay balanced.
Ten year old is introverted. Introverts can find themselves avoiding the outer world and staying within. So they rest on that Ni – Fi loop.
If you get inside somebody else’s perspective, then mirror their emotions it becomes overwhelming to a Thinker. So they shut themselves off and create massive distance from the world.
Why INTJs feel so lonely. Human relationships require a measure of vulnerability.
The solution is that INTJs need to become vulnerable. They will survive. They are resilient.
Pain may seem neverending, but it does fade. People can massively add to the quality of your life.
To get to vulnerability, INTJs need to use their Copilot first. Create systems and frameworks of connecting with others.
Create a social event you can feel some control over. As the host, you are the highest status person in the room, and you know everyone.
When INTJs feel out of control, they clamp down.
When Effectiveness feels good in general, it is more open to experiencing closer relationships.
If INTJs aren’t implementing enough effectiveness strategies, they’re going to feel vulnerable and out of control.
Get out of comfort zone and get into action.
Swap the feeling of vulnerability with empowerment. Empowerment comes from building things in outside world and knowing you got the world handled. Then the vulnerability fades.
Even when Authenticity is used well, and it is healthy it is very idealistic. It’s not so much about reality but conviction. This is how things should be making me feel.
Perfectionism is a running theme for INTJs because it is an idealism of the way things should be.
Idealism gets turned in on INTJ themselves, which is crippling.
The opposite is Effectiveness which is pass/fail criteria. Good is better than perfect.
Authenticity is about “does it feel good to me?” So to INTJs nothing is ever good enough. They are waiting for just the right time. Just that perfect moment to implement the ideal strategy.
INTJs should never wait for that perfect moment to act. Start acting first.
Let Authenticity serve Effectiveness.
Effectiveness forces you out of your shell. But there are so many problems when INTJs use Fi as their navigator.
The 3-year-old process is Extraverted Sensing we have nicknamed “Sensation.”
Inferior – Se
Real-time kinetic connection with the environment. Blind spot to INTJs. Sensation Usually shows up when they are Overly stressed. Causes them to Overindulge in sensory behavior.
Both back seat passengers are incredibly indulgent for INTJs: Fi is emotional indulgence, and Se is sensory indulgence.
The thing that they have to monitor themselves for is whether or not they are going to an indulgent space. INTJs need to be physically aware of their body’s needs. The body is not just a vehicle for the brain.
There are Neurons in the stomach and heart which means that the brain cells extend into our body.
A good relationship with three-year-old means you’re nourishing your body and not feeding it junk food.
INTJ women feel disconnected from other women and intimidating to men.
Thinker Women and Feeler Men podcast
25% of women are Thinkers.
When you don’t fit the ideal imprint of the average female you are not going to attract the highest percentage of people, but there are people out there that are looking for a bird of paradise just like you.
If you haven’t run into these people yet, it is because you’re not in the right place. Go beyond your comfort zone.
INTJs don’t have a lot of patience for themselves. One of the best ways to make space for others and be more patient with others is by being more patient with yourself.
Stop worrying about how you should be and be willing to fail and learn. Be the person who gets things done as opposed to conceptualizing things.
Push through the challenges. There will be waste, but action is better than non-action.
Feedback from the outside world will make you feel stronger and more empowered.
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86 comments
Most of the things you’ve said in this podcast are all true, it’s totally the things have been experiencing in my all life, it’s hard to be in an environment where most of the people around you don’t understand you ,for me I am always been accused of being possessed by the demon by my family members because I’m not the kind person who is into church stuff, wherever I asked questions why the believe what they believed ,they never had a logical explanation for their beliefs,the would just reference the topic to certain vese in the Bible that totally explain s nothing at all,and if I tell them I think about the subject,they will all go like ,no stop thats not it,you are not alone ,are you?you need prayers we are not allowed to question God’s power or anything,this was the big problem for me because i like questioning everything,at school it was very hard for be to concentrate in class ,whenever the teacher was teaching I used to understand things quick and forget easily , another thing is that if I noticed that the lesson is some how kind of something that is not applicable in real life I considered that to be not useful ,I would start thinking about how it can be applied as a result how not pay attention to the rest of the lesson.i often used to ask questions that sounded to be off the topic ,all my teacher will just say that you over think to much ,so most of my teacher I viewed the like the didn’t know what they were teaching,at the same time thinking of my self being stupid.and the thought of thinking that there is something missing or a piece of information,there is a lot I want to talk about but I think how just end ,most of the things I go through in my life have been already said in podcast recording .
It was so spot on, it made me cry. I felt so vulnerable and while I hate the feeling, it also made me feel understood on a level I think I ve never been before. I ve felt lonely. Feeling understood helped.
Do you maybe also have advise on how to deal withe the intense feelings of the tertiary driver? I hate feeling those and it s the main reason to not do things.
This was the best pep talk I’ve ever had! I have been diving into the types and I tend to test “on the cusp” of T and F AND P and J. But I believe INTJ has resonated best so far, especially in the cognitive functions. The car model makes much more sense to me now. I hope to find ways to apply it to find my tribe and fuel my passion projects. I’ve been more antisocial than ever and lost when it comes to career paths. Usually good advice on getting past tertiary and inferior complexes. I find my fixation revolves around Management over Invulnerablility, perhaps as a response to work through to co-pilot Effectivness . Im obsessed with your podcast thank you so much for your mission.
My INTJ boss has organized our department’s year-end dinner party for our executives where we all dress up and meet for a nice evening of fine dining and conversation. She does the organizing and then stays in one place to eat and “converse” with those at her table. She does this so flawlessly, it’s easy to miss she’s not an NF. It’s a muscle that INTJs can develop given the right circumstances.
I won’t spend too much time writing a reply, but this podcast HELPED. All of the challenges presented are exactly what I’m dealing with right now. I graduate in December and although I have a life plan, I’m consistently tweaking it for optimization. I needed to hear what you both said about inevitably wasting time and resources en route. It sucks, but at least I can research to create a plan minimizing expenditures as much as possible. I suppose some loss is okay and will only help me plan better in the future… The relationship part, AGH! I didn’t date in high school and after the worst relationship of my life in college, I haven’t been looking for relationships. I have resolved to being single for life and I still might, but your advice at least gave me some amount of hope… The loneliness thing! If any other INTJs are reading this, get yourself some ENTP friends. For the most part, they just seem to GET it. ENTPs are great for throwing around ideas. My best friend is an ENTP (male) and sometimes we even raise our voices at each other in debate without worrying about hurting each other’s “feelings.” Not to say we don’t have them, but all that is set aside when discussing ideas. It creates a stronger bond afterwards, one firmly rooted in the mutual exploration and getting to the bottom of things.