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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about why we tend to avoid developing our co-pilot cognitive function in our Myers-Briggs personality.
In this podcast you’ll find:
- Car Model article
- Last week’s podcast on the Car Model
- Cognitive Function stack
- Introverted and Extraverted functions
- Learning (Perceiving) and decision-making (Judging) functions
- Driver/dominant function is our favorite
- Co-Pilot tends to be two dimensional because we do not explore it as thoroughly as our Driver
- Circumstances or careers may contribute to the development of the Co-Pilot
- We adopt strategies that work for us, and when we try something new – like developing the Co-Pilot – it may feel exhausting and pointless.
- We may choose to stick with the familiar.
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Stephen Covey’s Competency model:
- Unconscious Incompetence
- Conscious Incompetence
- Conscious Competence
- Unconscious Competence
- The only way out is through
- It is worth it to gain competence with our Co-Pilot, even if it is painful to begin with.
- Massive shifts may be on the horizon
- You may initially reject some of our suggestions for developing your Co-Pilot process
- Our Mind can resist growth if it fears the consequences that may come with that growth
- Development of the auxiliary function gets us to the life we want
- We may have created a synthetic life for ourselves up until now.
- The Co-Pilot is the opposite attitude of our Driver
- If your Driver is Extraverted, your Co-Pilot will be Introverted – and vice versa
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EJs – ESFJ, ESTJ, ENTJ, ENFJ
- All lead with an Extraverted evaluative function, so their Co-Pilot is going to be Introverted perceiving
- All EJs want to be in control. Managing the situation.
- When EJs go into their Co-Pilot, they have to slow down and face a world they may not be able to control.
- ESJs Co-Pilot is Introverted Sensing, which requires a longer timeline – the past
- ENJs Co-Pilot is Introverted Intuition, which requires a longer timeline – the future
- It requires calm, presence, and isolation.
- EJs love closing loops
- EFJs close loops with people
- ETJs close loops with systems
- Getting in touch with the inner world means walking away and not closing loops.
- There may even be some legit healing work that needs to happen, so the inner world feels like a mess.
- If there are inner issues, you may be closing loops that don’t resonate with you fundamentally.
- Going inside helps you get on the right trajectory.
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EPs – ENFP, ESFP, ENTP, ESTP
- All lead with an Extraverted perceiving process, so their Co-Pilot is going to be an Introverted judging process
- EPs love speed and freedom
- Slowing down for EPs prevents them from quickly pivoting, which feels like it is removing their freedom or identity
- EPs may not know what their identity even is, so they go inside and have to start getting to know themselves.
- Ethics and moral codes are often found within
- It’s much better to have freedoms removed due to integrity than guilt
- EJs and EPs must – Slow. Way. Down.
- Sit with yourself. Journal. Meditate. Ruminate. Get present with yourself.
- Be willing to sit with a lot of pain.
- Learn the skill to work with your pain and build intimacy with yourself
- It is worth it.
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IJs – INTJ, ISTJ, INFJ, ISFJ
- All lead with an Introverted perceiving process, so their Co-Pilot is going to be an Extraverted judging process
- When you lead with an Introverted perceiving process, you get to a place where you realize that the outer world is scary.
- On some level, all info IJs pick up gets trapped inside – it’s an Introverted perceiving process.
- All IJs know the outside world has dangers to it.
- Sometimes they don’t get to decide what comes in unless they build some firm boundaries against it.
- To explore the Extraverted world feels like a scary, vulnerable place to IJs.
- Real world feedback can be scary.
- IJs need to execute ideas in the outer world.
- Through systems or relationships.
- It’s like sticking your neck out because you don’t know the response you’re going to get.
- There is a significant difference between conceptualizing impact on the world and actually impacting the world.
- The more Introverts do Extraverted behaviors, the faster they get at processing the feedback.
- You are going to fail. That’s part of learning.
- IJs love to learn. It is very gratifying. But they are used to doing it in controlled environments.
- The learning IJs do from getting into action has 10x the return.
- The only way to get into harmony is by resolving conflict
- If an ITJ is trying to build something they may have to start with breaking it.
- The core fear of IJs is vulnerability
- Test. Get feedback. Improve. Test again.
- Get used to the process.
- Become less vulnerable through skill building.
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IPs – INTP, INFP, ISTP, ISFP
- All lead with an Introverted judging process, so their Co-Pilot is going to be an Extraverted perceiving process.
- IPs know their core identity – what makes sense.
- They enjoy comfort
- Asking IPs to get into their Co-Pilot requires destabilizing action that may contradict how they see themselves and the world.
- Avoiding their Co-Pilot allows the IP to keep their core identity protected.
- Getting out into the world exposes the IP to criticism.
- Identity level shifts are painful.
- It can take a long time for IPs to revisit their identity.
- The core fear is self-doubt
- Unless you have been lucky enough to be pushed into a life that favors your Co-Pilot, it is going to be hard to develop.
- Our Co-Pilot can help us focus on our passion, purpose, and mission
- We focus 80% of our content at PH on developing the Co-Pilot – the single most important part of our personality.
- You will be happier and have better relationships if you develop your Co-Pilot
- All of our cognitive functions are important and require some attention, but once you start focusing on the Co-Pilot everything else falls into place.
- You can’t develop your Co-Pilot enough
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Podcast - Episode 0225 - The Car Model (Your Personality Cognitive Function Stack)
Podcast - Episode 0227 - Developing Intuition As A Co-Pilot (INxP & ENxJ Types)
27 comments
I’m not an expert, but in my experience the online version of the outside world only provides some of the benefits. You get exposed to feedback in a safe way, but in the real world feedback isn’t all that safe.
I think it’s a great way to get started, though! It’s good that you’re learning to express yourself honestly. Probably, though, you’re going to want to eventually tiptoe out into the real, real world and try and make something happen there. I confess I’ve also had a hard time figuring out exactly what that looks like for the harmony copilot. I honestly think the smartest thing an INFJ can do is get involved in some sort of counseling role. It doesn’t have to be a full-on psychiatry degree, but there are all kinds of volunteer peer counseling services out there. Maybe you could find one that would train you.
And, yet, both Joel and I are living examples of having conscientiously done this work and had extraordinary results.
It’s not asking people to change their personality type any more than recommending eating healthier and getting regular exercise is asking people to change who they are. It’s simply putting the onus on people that, if they’re serious about their personal development, this is a discipline that will move the needle for them.
While I can appreciate why the message is difficult to integrate, I can’t disagree with this perspective strongly enough.
A
Jessica,
Your response does make sense. Thank you for sharing! I’m an INFJ too, and I can see he lure or wanting to extravert through online communities. However, I think true extroverted feeling (which is your Co-Pilot) will be most benefited by interacting with others’ energies and emotions in real time. I do think working out how this feels for you first through writing is a good first step to flexing that Fe muscle. So, keep up the work and before long you’ll see dividends in the outer world in real time conversation.
I think the reason why this might not be so practical and even doable in the long haul is because you are asking people to consciously reverse their personality type. And anything that doesn’t stem from their unconscious is usually not very transformative or powerful enough.
You’re asking them to develop their second function as if they were inspired throughout life by their leading function, used their tertiary as their auxiliary or their persona to the world and their actual lifelong motivation as their unconscious competence. When, in fact, it’s the other way around and this dynamic will likely be difficult to change permanently during their lifetime. It’s not that that change couldn’t be interesting or helpful at some point. It’s just it is rather impractical for everyone to achieve it or to become a universal principle.
“I’ve been using the internet world to voice my opinions and thoughts” and “blur the line of “what I SHOULD say” versus “what I want to say”” sounds like your Ti acting up (if you’re INFJ) instead of your co-pilot, Fe.