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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about why we tend to avoid developing our co-pilot cognitive function in our Myers-Briggs personality.
In this podcast you’ll find:
- Car Model article
- Last week’s podcast on the Car Model
- Cognitive Function stack
- Introverted and Extraverted functions
- Learning (Perceiving) and decision-making (Judging) functions
- Driver/dominant function is our favorite
- Co-Pilot tends to be two dimensional because we do not explore it as thoroughly as our Driver
- Circumstances or careers may contribute to the development of the Co-Pilot
- We adopt strategies that work for us, and when we try something new – like developing the Co-Pilot – it may feel exhausting and pointless.
- We may choose to stick with the familiar.
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Stephen Covey’s Competency model:
- Unconscious Incompetence
- Conscious Incompetence
- Conscious Competence
- Unconscious Competence
- The only way out is through
- It is worth it to gain competence with our Co-Pilot, even if it is painful to begin with.
- Massive shifts may be on the horizon
- You may initially reject some of our suggestions for developing your Co-Pilot process
- Our Mind can resist growth if it fears the consequences that may come with that growth
- Development of the auxiliary function gets us to the life we want
- We may have created a synthetic life for ourselves up until now.
- The Co-Pilot is the opposite attitude of our Driver
- If your Driver is Extraverted, your Co-Pilot will be Introverted – and vice versa
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EJs – ESFJ, ESTJ, ENTJ, ENFJ
- All lead with an Extraverted evaluative function, so their Co-Pilot is going to be Introverted perceiving
- All EJs want to be in control. Managing the situation.
- When EJs go into their Co-Pilot, they have to slow down and face a world they may not be able to control.
- ESJs Co-Pilot is Introverted Sensing, which requires a longer timeline – the past
- ENJs Co-Pilot is Introverted Intuition, which requires a longer timeline – the future
- It requires calm, presence, and isolation.
- EJs love closing loops
- EFJs close loops with people
- ETJs close loops with systems
- Getting in touch with the inner world means walking away and not closing loops.
- There may even be some legit healing work that needs to happen, so the inner world feels like a mess.
- If there are inner issues, you may be closing loops that don’t resonate with you fundamentally.
- Going inside helps you get on the right trajectory.
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EPs – ENFP, ESFP, ENTP, ESTP
- All lead with an Extraverted perceiving process, so their Co-Pilot is going to be an Introverted judging process
- EPs love speed and freedom
- Slowing down for EPs prevents them from quickly pivoting, which feels like it is removing their freedom or identity
- EPs may not know what their identity even is, so they go inside and have to start getting to know themselves.
- Ethics and moral codes are often found within
- It’s much better to have freedoms removed due to integrity than guilt
- EJs and EPs must – Slow. Way. Down.
- Sit with yourself. Journal. Meditate. Ruminate. Get present with yourself.
- Be willing to sit with a lot of pain.
- Learn the skill to work with your pain and build intimacy with yourself
- It is worth it.
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IJs – INTJ, ISTJ, INFJ, ISFJ
- All lead with an Introverted perceiving process, so their Co-Pilot is going to be an Extraverted judging process
- When you lead with an Introverted perceiving process, you get to a place where you realize that the outer world is scary.
- On some level, all info IJs pick up gets trapped inside – it’s an Introverted perceiving process.
- All IJs know the outside world has dangers to it.
- Sometimes they don’t get to decide what comes in unless they build some firm boundaries against it.
- To explore the Extraverted world feels like a scary, vulnerable place to IJs.
- Real world feedback can be scary.
- IJs need to execute ideas in the outer world.
- Through systems or relationships.
- It’s like sticking your neck out because you don’t know the response you’re going to get.
- There is a significant difference between conceptualizing impact on the world and actually impacting the world.
- The more Introverts do Extraverted behaviors, the faster they get at processing the feedback.
- You are going to fail. That’s part of learning.
- IJs love to learn. It is very gratifying. But they are used to doing it in controlled environments.
- The learning IJs do from getting into action has 10x the return.
- The only way to get into harmony is by resolving conflict
- If an ITJ is trying to build something they may have to start with breaking it.
- The core fear of IJs is vulnerability
- Test. Get feedback. Improve. Test again.
- Get used to the process.
- Become less vulnerable through skill building.
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IPs – INTP, INFP, ISTP, ISFP
- All lead with an Introverted judging process, so their Co-Pilot is going to be an Extraverted perceiving process.
- IPs know their core identity – what makes sense.
- They enjoy comfort
- Asking IPs to get into their Co-Pilot requires destabilizing action that may contradict how they see themselves and the world.
- Avoiding their Co-Pilot allows the IP to keep their core identity protected.
- Getting out into the world exposes the IP to criticism.
- Identity level shifts are painful.
- It can take a long time for IPs to revisit their identity.
- The core fear is self-doubt
- Unless you have been lucky enough to be pushed into a life that favors your Co-Pilot, it is going to be hard to develop.
- Our Co-Pilot can help us focus on our passion, purpose, and mission
- We focus 80% of our content at PH on developing the Co-Pilot – the single most important part of our personality.
- You will be happier and have better relationships if you develop your Co-Pilot
- All of our cognitive functions are important and require some attention, but once you start focusing on the Co-Pilot everything else falls into place.
- You can’t develop your Co-Pilot enough
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Podcast - Episode 0225 - The Car Model (Your Personality Cognitive Function Stack)
Podcast - Episode 0227 - Developing Intuition As A Co-Pilot (INxP & ENxJ Types)
27 comments
Hello and thanks for this very inspiring podcast!
It really offered something to me as I am in a relationship where my partner’s ( ENFJ/P) and my (INFJ) Extro and Introversion clash often and whenever we are at breaking points it is because the sweet spots we need to occupy to be able to consider growth are located in different timelines. What I mean to say is that growth for Extraverts and for Introverts happen at different speeds!
He is very up and running and rigid about his systems all the while needing and wanting constant action and input to feel satisfied and finding it unnecessary to set priorities. I can’t and don’t want to keep up with this which in the beginning of our relationship constantly caused an overthrow of his system. It was like all the points on his agenda were customers in a line that’s automatically served, but I was the one bulletin that would always be taken to front of the line every time I appeared in sight. Meanwhile the other bulletins wouldn’t just disappear but accumulate until they were so many that their sheer amount would cause him to drop me like a hot potatoe and switch gears from love and care to manage and play at the skip of a beat. It made me feel awful, it didn’t happen at a speed I was comfortable with and I don’t wanna forcefully have to comply to any sort of system at all ever. So I reacted negatively, which in turn would make him feel powerless, because here he was trying to satisfy everyone and not getting any sort of appreciation for the efforts whatsoever.
Since then I have realized that when I persist on my needs to take it slow sometimes, to have things well decided and in line with my perspective, to leave room for a chat or some cozy time sometimes, he filters this in and makes it part of his system. But for this I have to be clear, expressive and very vocal, which is difficult for me especially in social and sensory environments.
We do rock climbing together. It’s really a perfect example of an activity that brings out the best and the worst in both our natures, challenges us to be greater as individuals, but also a couple. What’s been tough for me is the big-room, stage-like climbing- and bouldering-gym atmospheres where people are extremely physical and competitive with each other. The fear of falling and failing in front of a crowd are real and common here and nobody that wants to get better at climbing can get past them. On the other hand when you get on the wall it’s really just about you and the rock and creative movement and conceptual challenge and having a clear mind, these are all things that trigger my unique combination of perspectives, accuracy and even sensation. There’s not one way of getting up there, you have to make your way. This challenges me immensely, which is unusual for a sport.
I have always played sports, but have not a competitive bone in my body. My biggest enemy you could say, is myself, which is why I feel right and at home on these walls. In order to deal with the stress climbing still brings me, I have to take it extra slow. My strength here lies in resilience and foresight.
My partner’s approach to the sport is quite the contrary. He really enjoys the social atmosphere and sensory stimulation, even uses it to get away from worries or responsibilities. He simply doesn’t see the negative emotion that could be involved in failing publicly, for him it’s the greatest fun there is. He tends to get ahead of himself, really putting strains on his body and isn’t dealing well with injury either. In this he can make use of me slowing him down.
But just as to me it seems hopeless trying to make him chill, relax, take breaks, occupy neutral, meditative, non-competitive mindsets, because it brings out his most nasty resistances; I can see how it’s mind-boggling to him, that I shy away from the social sides of the sport where so much joy and fun are to be found, if you only manage to get over yourself.
But as we continue to find our betas, we continue to strengthen and secure each other in our ways of being and are also generally interested and open to the other’s way of doing things. I can only recommend taking up an activity like rock climbing to my fellow Introverts. It will be worth it!
I always enjoy your podcasts, I wish I could enact your advice. I probably won’t, and I’ll explain why.
I’ve spent 9 years on and off studying Myers-Briggs, cognitive functions and type dynamics, and I still don’t have a type. I read ‘gifts differing’ by Briggs-Myers, David Kiersey, Lenore Thompson, Personality Hacker, Personality Junkie, various typology forums, done various tests (including the ‘official’ test) and attempted to assimilate varying, often conflicting definitions of the types. The best I can do is conclude what my preferred function set is and attitude. I always end up with this same set and same attitude.
What that means in practice is deciding between two types with only one letter in common (INFP or ISTJ). I can’t choose either of them as they both feel ‘wrong’ on some level. All the other types feel even more wrong however. I would suggest the answer is I haven’t actually developed a single coherent Myers-Briggs type. Either that or experts are specifying criteria for being these types that aren’t really important.
I’d like to experiment with novel/diverse experience (Ne) but to risk all that mad, ego-fracturing unpredictability I’d like to at least be confident in being an INFP.
I’d like to design and build a world-beating ‘system’, but I don’t even know what this means, and would like to be at least confident in being an ISTJ.
I think your typology is only really for people with a fairly coherent self-identity. I am over 40 and still trying to establish a fairly stable self-identity. I think the only thing to do here is attempt to extravert more in general without worrying too much about how this is done exactly. The only idea I have at present to further this beyond my present comfort zone is to establish a side-line business (already have the idea and basics for the product) and try different things to see what works, if anything. I know people who can offer advice, but I need to risk unfavourable feedback, no one wanting to buy the product, loosing some money etc. It would be interesting to see if Ne, Te and/or something else comes into play more as a result of the ‘venture’.
:D Sounds like tertiary Se to me. That sort of “getting into action, but at least I’m all alone” thing.
ENFJ, wondering if things like walking, exercising, driving with no radio or any anything on constitutes as Ti?
I feel like what C.G. is describing is something more like being forced to develop your inferior into a major influencer of your personality.