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In this episode, Joel and Antonia continue talking through the personal story of Antonia actually attempting to make peace with her parents.

In this podcast you’ll find:

 In this episode Joel and Antonia continue talking through the personal story of Antonia actually attempting to make peace with her parents. #podcast #Parents #relationships

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46 comments

  • Eleanor
    • Eleanor
    • February 18, 2019 at 3:41 pm

    I lack enough words to say thank you, Antonia, for being so open, vulnerable and honest. I can identify with your dad’s “OK”… prior to even coming across this podcast, I sent my ESTJ mum a really truthful, heartfelt 10-minute voice note and I got “Thanks”… you just kind of sit there and don’t know whether to laugh or cry! We’ve spoken twice since … no mention … it never happened! It was about “process, not outcome” so I’m at peace.

  • Pearl
    • Pearl
    • January 5, 2019 at 9:49 pm

    Thank you for sharing this part of your journey Antonia. I have not talked to my older sister for two years under similar circumstances that you had with your parents. It is one of the best and hardest decision I made. I am glad that you had the opportunity and support to reach out to your parents.

  • Loren Ecker
    • Loren Ecker
    • October 25, 2018 at 3:22 pm

    Hi Antonia and Joel. I am very new to this community having just found you guys about two weeks ago and I am so glad that I did.

    I am an INFP. For the longest time I believed that I was an INFJ, but it is very clear to me now that I am definitely and INFP thanks to a book call “How to Speed Read People” (I don’t know the author off the top of my head) and to your Genius Style Assessment and accompanying description of the INFP.

    I wish that I had an SD card that I could just inset into my brain and upload all of the thoughts and feelings and experiences that make me who I am and then just insert it into another’s SD slot so that they can experience “Me” without my having to explain it all.

    It would allow me to communicate to you how much I empathize or sympathize (not sure which one it is) with your experience involving your parents rejection of you, and it would give you a crystal clear understanding of the degree of respect I have for you and how you comported yourself through that entire ordeal beginning with the retreat all the way through the recording of the 2nd part of the podcast!

    I am really in awe of you and jealous of the work that you have done on yourself which allowed you to maneuver through that complex gauntlet of thoughts and feelings and reactions!

    I would love to give you some more context into me which I think would really serve to inform and illuminate some of the things I am now trying to communicate to you, but unfortunately, I have someone waiting for me so I have to leave it here.

    I hope to return in the near future to connect more deeply and to speak more about myself and my journey, but for now, I guess my aim was to reach out, connect, and express my appreciation, respect, and enthusiasm for you and for what you and Joel have done and are doing!!

    Most humbly,
    Loren Ecker
    Queens, NY

  • JL
    • JL
    • October 23, 2018 at 9:22 am

    Antonia – I just listened to this episode sitting on a train and have been crying out loud for a longer time than I have done while being alone before. I’m an INFP and while I have a lot of feelings I’m very careful about showing them to others. To the people that are close to me but even more to people I don’t know. This podcast resonated with me more than any of the other ones. I have tried to have difficult concersations with my parents before. They are bost STJ and since I started reading your website and your book I’m more and more starting to realize that I have to make peace with them in my mind, with my own feelings and that will be the way I can love them for what they are. They have always had good intent for me, but they are not deep and will never be, they don’t want to develop and they have a similar kind of agreement as you mentioned that they won’t call each other out on their issues because they feel like they are unable to make a change anyhow. My fathers father was an alcoholic and he cut all connections with him – and maybe I have more feelings than I know of regarding why he doesn’t want a more meaningful connection with me.
    This podcast can’t have been easy to record, but man it will help me so much on the way of dealing with my parents both on my own end and when communicating with them. Thank you.

  • Sara
    • Sara
    • October 20, 2018 at 5:44 pm

    Hi and thank you so much for all of this. I’m sorry for both you and your parents with how this turned out.

    When I was thirteen, my parents went through a similar experience. The circumstances were a lot different, it had nothing to do with a belief paradigm, my grandfather wasn’t okay with it but he always stood by my grandmother and remained loyal to her, etc. After that, my grandmother approached us again twice, both times when she was totally desperate. The first time she stayed for a few months and disappeared. When we found where she was, we went there to meet her. She refused to open the door and locked herself in her room. Our grandfather went to meet us but told my parents not to bring us again because he doesn’t want his grandchildren to feel that pain of rejection. A few months before she passed away, she came back to us and although it had been probably one of the most turbulent time of my life, I never regret it, I appreciate it ever so much.

    I was always close with my grandmother. We used to stay at their house for weeks when I was a kid during the school holidays and whenever it was time to go home, I would cry for days. I considered her home to be my true home and to be kicked out of both was devastating to me. There were other complications too. Other relationships broken within the family, secrets spilled and all that. I haven’t met a cousin who was my best friend back then, whom I had considered as a brother, since I was 13.

    If it’s any comfort to you, my siblings who were 5 and 7 years younger than me weren’t as deeply affected by the whole fiasco as I had been. Or at least I haven’t notice it and we’re pretty close with each other. Piper is young and I dearly hope that she would be able to understand and accept the way things work as she grows older.

    I have no resentment or frustration with my parents because at 13, I was aware enough of what was going on to observe and understand why my parents made the decisions they had. We had always discuss it openly even with my younger siblings although we do it gradually as they grow up. In some ways I can see things from my grandmother’s point of view too and see it from the result of her own upbringing (I may be totally wrong). She’s an ESFP and I’m an ENFP and we share certain traits and tendencies if not life principles. And I’m glad that she spent the last days of her life with us. It does give us a sense of closure and a last chance at reconnecting even though it turned out far from perfect. I hope Piper would be given that chance but if not then I hope it’s for the best.

    Again Antonia, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you.

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