Podcast - Episode 0244 - Making Peace With Your Parents (Part 2)

46 comments

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  • Anna
  • October 2, 2018 at 10:32 am

  Good Podcast. I had a similar experience with my parents and listening to your parent’s reactions i came to a realisation.

  Who’s to say every parent is meant to love or accept their child?
  we’re talking about doctrines brainwashing their perspectives, but we’re all infected by one doctrine or another, including the “belief” that parents should love unconditionally.

  Wisdom also doesn’t come just because you age, so why look up to parents? they are children, raised by children most of the time, and inflicted by the human condition and mind.

  Parents can fail, and parents don’t always have to accept their offspring behaviour, usually depending on their level of development. As well as children don’t need to accept their parent’s.

  Antonia has more wisdom and strength than her parents, she has outgrown them with maturity, which is the role of successful offspring, and Antonia can pass that wisdom to her children, who may grow to an even more mature perspective, who knows,

  As much as it hurts to hear your parents say they think you’re not “right” (i speak from experience), i’m also less hurt by it because i know i’m a decent human and i don’t need their approval or their religion’s approval to know it, and parents don’t need to love or accept their children.

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  • Kodi
  • October 1, 2018 at 3:52 am

  Antonia, the experience you had, along with its analysis using the contemporary term of metaperspective, meme-warefare, and typology was expressed in a profound way that I don’t think has been expressed before on the internet, or is at least very rare. I can accept the conclusion of finality of your relationship with your parents but with an exception, which I will explain. I’m INFJ, so I struggled to see that your mother also leads with perspective from her responses. I will add this hypothetical: You can find videos on the net talking about “Archons” with speculations that people really do become possessed and that the out of character behavior will suddenly appear due to certain triggers. Many lurid accounts even describes changes with the eyes or the skin taking an ashen gray color the moment the Archon decides to drive the social interaction of the host. I’ve not figured this out yet; I speculate there is some connection with things that increase spiritual devotion (consider being ‘slain in the spirit’ and falling on the ground during a worship service at church, the mimetic control of thoughts and these sudden flips of character that come over people when sensitive subjects are about to be addressed. I wonder if your mom does not show reasonableness that would be expected from her driver process because of mind control by Archonic influence. In analogy consider the “Yerk” from the Animorphs series. Assuming this is true, I’m not quite sure what the solution is to rid the influence. In a developed state, the INFJs blend their love for accuracy with their idealism and morality. We always know when a person is about to change character seconds before it occurs and can trace the additive nature of a situation as it develops moment to moment. Thus, with full control of her faculties, your mother would be in complete control of that situation as it started to develop with your father’s nervousness. When she stated “we feel worse each time you come,” that is where I would say the Archon was in full force. If we can decontaminate people of these influences maybe psychopaths can be redeemed and relational possibilities are near infinite.
  This could be a scenario where people consciously choose to give themselves up to the influences for some other benefit and they eventually reach some point of no return. Or it is like infection and is complete as soon as it happens. These speculations sound like the “magical thinking” drivel INFJs are known for; but I posit I’m at least in the neighborhood of the truth, and regardless need to say the out-there things that are not said commonly in order to advance to conversation.
  Thanks for sharing your experience, Antonia, it gives quite a bit of food for thought.

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  • Rhonda MacMelville
  • October 1, 2018 at 1:24 am

  Hey there. I’m kinda new to the podcast and I would like to say how brave you are, Antonia, for putting your personal life and this particular issue on the line, not sure how people would react. Of course I think you’re brilliant, as I am an INFJ with the most amount of empathy possible in a human being, which means that I need to find a good way to prepare myself for that sort of thing without the bottom dropping out. I’m wondering what it is that you did for that preparation. ?

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  • rmn
  • September 29, 2018 at 10:57 pm

  I so appreciate that you were willing to share both your excitement in going (last podcast) and how it actually went. And your perspectives about the dynamics. You are brave and kind. I even appreciate, or especially appreciate, getting to hear your first conversation after Antonia getting home. That level of rawness is a gift. And yes—I have life experience that causes me to really value hearing about this part of Antonia’s life. It helps me feel like a normal person. Your honesty helps me calibrate how good or how bad difficult conversations can really be. Seriously. I’m binge listening to these two podcasts on a lazy Saturday. :)

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  • Maria
  • September 29, 2018 at 5:37 pm

  Antonia
  I have so many reactions to your podcast

  On your daughter and her relationship with her maternal grandparents:
  My husband and I have been chosen as grandparents for a child in a similar situation as your daughter. Her mother needed to separate/be separated from her parents because of her parent’s attitude toward her. Like you ,she held the truth of a better way of living, by her very presence. Like your parents, her parents were caught up in an imperialistic meme based religion that controlled their lives and served the unhelpful purpose of maintaining illusion.
  I have often seen , parents willing to maintain the illusion that contact with birth grandparents is good for the child even when the grandparents carry a judgmental attitude toward the child’s responsible and creative mother. A Grandparents’ fear of reality, judgement, and/or disdain, of the parent undermines the grandchild’s trust and view of their mother. Children need to be protected from those people who do not openly give validation, respect , and admiration for a daughter like you who is living a good life with good will. Such grandparents plant doubts in a child’s thought patterns which manifest later.

  On Positive Seed Planting:
  In these farewell situations where age, illness, and high level of anxiety are present, one cannot do any more than seed plant. You went as far as you could go in speaking your truth to these particular people in this particular situation. Your father’s panic and your mother’s anger tells me that you were heard. Seed planting is powerful. You did well.
  Your Dad’s response in wanting to be able to hug his own daughter was powerful. He stood up to your mother to do so, and she followed him possible to not be left out .

  On Gratitude:
  You had so little to be grateful to them for. You repeated your truth that this was enough for you. Each time you spoke your words (what your Dad called a script) were generous with your understanding and gratitude, but rightfully, you did not seem to add more things to be grateful for. Your letting your folk hug you, and your Dad to hold you, was the peacemaking he needed, that he was forgiven for the failure he feels he was. Here is the thing, he can still have the security of his wife now. No matter what else may have happened, he has the peace of his alone time with you in the car and in the hospital, and he has the hug. He wanted that hug. He has that to hold onto. It is amazing how we old folks , as we near our end, can have our minds and hearts extrapolate the good moments of being forgiven and loved. That car ride and hug will come back to him, much more than the anxiety meltdown and the calling of the police.

  On Mothers:
  Your mother can go back to her security of not only being your Dad’s main priority but his only priority with her religion backing her up in her justification that he needs no one but her. Her Religion is already failing her in that it is allowing her to be isolated from reality and you, at least for now. She has lost the most precious gift of precious you. It would seem that in order, in part, to maintain her own interior stabilization she succumbed to an exterior controlling religion . She also found a stabilizing dependent husband even at the cost of her own authentic INFJ self . In her day, she possibly could decipher no other way to find stabilizing belonging (from her creative conflicting andperceiving) than being rigidly controlled and controlling.

  I think that whatever we have not resolved with our mothers we play out with our daughters. Either we overcompensate by trying not to be like our mothers with our daughters, or we unwittingly repeat those patterns that were patterned in us from our mothers. You dear Antonia have faced yourself and your mother and are offering your daughter a free-er more aware and loving person, who will be able to relate to your daughter. Your visit has freed you, and unencumbered you to be the mother your daughter needs.. One who has a good mate, mission, and self care.

  Well done you.