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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about dealing with trauma in your auxiliary copilot cognitive function.
In this podcast you’ll find:
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When our upbringing damages our Auxiliary (Co-pilot) cognitive function.
- How our Auxiliary function can be disowned or undermined.
- Why suppression is just one kind of Auxiliary wounding that happens.
- What is happening to our cognitive function mental wiring in childhood?
- Why negative feedback hurts our Auxiliary so much.
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Ways our Auxiliary function gets undermined in childhood.
- The painful downfall of an INTJ’s Extraverted Thinking (Effectiveness) due to unhealthy ENTP and INFJ parents.
- Why Auxiliary function undermining starts loops.
- Antonia (ENTP) recalls the shutdown of her Introverted Thinking (Accuracy) as a child.
- The Introverted Feeling (Authenticity) suppression Joel (ENFP) experienced as a kid.
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Auxiliary function trauma based on type:
- How IxTJs get shut down over and over.
- When ExTPs get told they are bad people.
- Why ExFPs keep hearing their feelings don’t matter.
- How IxFJs face too much disconnection.
- When ENxJs get continually discredited.
- Why INxPs are told they don’t make sense.
- How ESxJs struggle to deal with the past.
- When ISxPs face constant disapproval.
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Ways to heal your Auxiliary.
- Identifying your damage.
- How the H.A.T. model helps.
- Why acceptance makes the difference.
- The power of reframing your Auxiliary function.
- How you can love this part of yourself.
- The empowering exercise to start your healing.
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Moving towards Auxiliary growth:
- Why we are so sensitive with our Auxiliary function.
- What happens when you take your Auxiliary for granted.
- How your Auxiliary function growth is so valuable.
- Should we let our Auxiliary function make mistakes?
- When we stop trying to grow our Auxiliary.
- What growth comes after the Auxiliary?
- Dr. Dario Nardi’s cognitive function growth model (See Episode 0349)
- Why healing your Auxiliary is disruptive…and so worth it.
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18 comments
I am a male ISFP My mother is an INTJ. My parents got divorced when I was very young so my father didn’t have much to do with me as a child, developmentally. I am also from a very traditional italian-american family. As I was growing up, my mother was frequently very busy with work and grad school. I know she was trying to provide a better life for me and I am very grateful. However, whenever I tried to express myself emotionally I always got the impression that she didn’t really know how to deal with it and was exasperated. Also, as an italian boy/man emotional expression was not encouraged unless it was involving sports. So I felt that I didn’t have the permission to express myself so I kept everything inside. This drove me so deep into an Fi-Ni loop that I usually test as an INTJ. However, recently I’ve started seeing a therapist and exploring mindfulness. I have finally begun to accept that I am an ISFP or, at least, Fi primary. Does this sound like trauma in Se? Does that all make sense or have I missed something important?
Male Infj. Here is a general list of some of the things I am thankful for.
1. The interaction between harmony and accuracy
2. The quiet strength of perspecitves
3. The tolerance of harmony
4. How anger and sadness work together
5. How success works with anger
6. How accuracy is offensive
As a INFP, what really hits me while you guys are talking is that I have alot of trauma in my dominant function, Fi.
Growing up with a ESFJ mom and a ISTJ dad, I feel like there wasent enough space for that Fi process to blossom. To be fully understood of who I was as a person. Resulting in me pushing away all my feelings and believing that there was something wrong with me.
I feel like for me personally, there sure is alot of work to be made in the dominant function before I get to the auxiliary.
“Don’t take someone’s offense at your auxiliary function as a sign your auxiliary function is offensive.” Thank you, Antonia! ?
I definitely agree with Antonia’s comment that having healthier parents with unideal types is often better for someone than having healthier parents with more ideal types.
I’m an ENFP who is the daughter of an ESFJ and ISTP. These don’t seem to be very ideal types to raise a small ENFP. However, my parents were mature and healthy enough to respect my personality as they appreciated and found admiration for the strengths my Ne and Fi bring to the world. That’s not to say there isn’t tension and we don’t drive each other nuts sometimes, but it’s a surprisingly good dynamic.