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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about dealing with trauma in your auxiliary copilot cognitive function.
In this podcast you’ll find:
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When our upbringing damages our Auxiliary (Co-pilot) cognitive function.
- How our Auxiliary function can be disowned or undermined.
- Why suppression is just one kind of Auxiliary wounding that happens.
- What is happening to our cognitive function mental wiring in childhood?
- Why negative feedback hurts our Auxiliary so much.
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Ways our Auxiliary function gets undermined in childhood.
- The painful downfall of an INTJ’s Extraverted Thinking (Effectiveness) due to unhealthy ENTP and INFJ parents.
- Why Auxiliary function undermining starts loops.
- Antonia (ENTP) recalls the shutdown of her Introverted Thinking (Accuracy) as a child.
- The Introverted Feeling (Authenticity) suppression Joel (ENFP) experienced as a kid.
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Auxiliary function trauma based on type:
- How IxTJs get shut down over and over.
- When ExTPs get told they are bad people.
- Why ExFPs keep hearing their feelings don’t matter.
- How IxFJs face too much disconnection.
- When ENxJs get continually discredited.
- Why INxPs are told they don’t make sense.
- How ESxJs struggle to deal with the past.
- When ISxPs face constant disapproval.
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Ways to heal your Auxiliary.
- Identifying your damage.
- How the H.A.T. model helps.
- Why acceptance makes the difference.
- The power of reframing your Auxiliary function.
- How you can love this part of yourself.
- The empowering exercise to start your healing.
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Moving towards Auxiliary growth:
- Why we are so sensitive with our Auxiliary function.
- What happens when you take your Auxiliary for granted.
- How your Auxiliary function growth is so valuable.
- Should we let our Auxiliary function make mistakes?
- When we stop trying to grow our Auxiliary.
- What growth comes after the Auxiliary?
- Dr. Dario Nardi’s cognitive function growth model (See Episode 0349)
- Why healing your Auxiliary is disruptive…and so worth it.
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18 comments
As a female INTJ who was raised by Ti-Fe and Fe-Ti parents and who worked for more Ti-Fe/Fe-Tis than Te-Fi/Fi-Tes, this episode was exactly what I needed to hear. INTJ women usually have a harder road to travel than INTJ men and Antonia’s description of Fe-derailment of INTJ’s Te ordered, empirical, planned, methods-driven mode of being spoke to me. Dozens upon dozens of instances of that happening in my past flooded my brain. I’m certain I’ll have a list of more than a hundred within days.
Derailments by overturning my plans behind my back, by foot dragging, by belittlement tinged with bigotry and sexism (especially in business-centric contexts, especially by men but also by women who feel intimidated).
I have often wondered why I feel such a strong affinity towards Te decision making yet, with every passing decade, I become more ALLERGIC to it. More triggered into anxiety by my own business planning documents as I write them. More avoidant of my goals despite being so incredible laser-focused goal driven with the same goals driving me for decades. Decades.
This concept of trauma around our aux was such an eye opener and now it makes sense why Aux development is a lifelong process for most people and a contradictory struggle for some.
This info also helped me understand why I am entirely INTJish yet feel doubtful at times about my type and why in my youth and early-mid 20s I rejected and hated the INTJ type so much and instead insisted I was ENTP or INTP. I now understand why this happened. I certainly didn’t have the confusing life of Antonia’s INTJ friend but so much about my NiTe nature was threatening to my parents, and doubly so in a female body. NiTe was something they didn’t approve of and it rubbed them the wrong way. I experienced inconsistent messaging, undermining, and derailment after derailment to the point that Te style behavior/decision making became a strange nemesis within me, a natural way of DOING things in the world that brought me problem after problem and disappointment after disappointment. Realizing now that I need to find female INTJ role models.
Would greatly appreciate more future discussions on trauma and wounding associated with function growth and, perhaps, how it fits in with the shadow functions too, especially regarding the relationship between the 2nd and 6th functions.
Thanks for a great podcast. Off to listen to the HAT model and to revisit every Te podcast you two have recorded in the past.
This is why it took so long for me to test as ISFP.
Agh! I have to comment about the end chatter. Every time I hear Antonia go into her best mode, providing the highest value stuff, cleanly explained, and without any extraneous nonsense or mistaken analogies that confuse the argument, she apologizes for talking to much. Please stop doing that.
I believe there are people listening to this podcast not for Antonia’s clean explanations, because I see reviewers appreciate Joel, and I have heard from friends who’ve attended workshops in person that people really adore Joel, and I am very sure he has a ton to offer the world. And I believe that his muddling of things on the podcast is probably valuable for me in that it allows me to understand what is not true and highlights better what Antonia is trying to say which Joel regularly makes blurry and less valuable.But like, for the love of god, pleAse stop apologizing for being articulate, clear, and very good at explaining things.
And in turn I promise I will keep trying to work on appreciating enfps, something I admit I struggle with.
-entp