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In this episode, Joel and Antonia dive deep into the unique challenges, needs, and desires of the INTJ personality type.

In this podcast on the INTJ personality type you’ll find:


INTJ Survey

Cassandra – Greek Mythology – Gift of Prophecy without believers.

Ability to see what’s coming down the line, but nobody cares.

Foresight is different from prophecy.

Prophecy knows what’s coming up. Foresight can predict based on observation.

Strategy: Where’s the puck going?

Cynicism comes along with an INTJ recognizing that the world doesn’t value their gifts.

Isolation, loneliness, misunderstood, separation.

Mastermind Article“Smartest people in the room based upon analytical and linguistic intelligence.”

We as a society have decided different criteria for intelligence. Not necessarily right. There are multiple styles of intelligence. Other types outclass INTJs regarding different kinds of intelligence (i.e. kinesthetic, emotional, etc.)

INTJs are very careful thinkers. They spend a lot of time thinking about whatever has captured their interest. Because they’re careful about how they think, they are also very careful about how they articulate their thoughts. They will show up as smarter because they express their words more precisely. They encourage everyone else to be more careful with how we think.

They expend Energetic credits in thinking through things, which is why INTJs have such an Economy of motion.

Many INTJs think the vast majority of people are careless thinkers.

Cognitive Functions

Car Model

The driver process for INTJs is Introverted Intuition that we nicknamed “Perspectives.”

Driver – Ni

Perspectives is the ability to watch your mind form patterns over a long time.

Podcast Introverted Intuition vs Extraverted Intuition

INTJs are inside their mind all the time.

They have a sixth sense of what is coming down the pike.

Perspectives is not right 100% of the time. It is a skill that must be developed. Predictions become more accurate the more you develop the skill.

INTJs love conceptualizing what is happening next.

People who use Perspectives think about the box. It’s about meaning and meta perspectiving.

Perspective users start to realize the subjective nature of how people see the world.

The copilot process for INTJs is Extraverted Thinking that we nicknamed “Effectiveness.”

Effectiveness asks “what works?” What is the bottom line? What will accomplish the objective?

Effectiveness is linear. A step by step approach to how to get things done.

Metrics. How do we measure whether something is pass-fail?

Effectiveness Can appear cold hearted because of its way of navigating around feelings to get a project accomplished.

Break things down to component levels. Uses Humans as resources. Effectiveness is Best when emotions aren’t clouding it.

Ni + Te = Perspectives loves to predict. Effectiveness is about metrics and implementing strategies. Coupled together, these create sustainable systems.

INTJs systems are context dependent. They want to make sure no one comes along and breaks their systems.

The 10-year-old process is Introverted Feeling that we have nicknamed Authenticity.

Tertiary – Fi

Authenticity is a decision-making process that checks in with inner alignment.

How are things impacting you emotionally?

Done well it can replicate someone else’s emotions and mirror those feelings back

As a 10-year-old it isn’t a strength. It becomes solely about how things are impacting the INTJ.

It makes the average INTJ feel like a sitting duck; A childlike part of them that can be hurt.

It’s not just a recognition about how things impact you, but it’s an internalization which becomes more crippling.

INTJs struggle because they have a tendency to over rely on this process.

Driver process is Introverted – Copilot is extraverted: we need to have access to both worlds. Introverts need real world feedback to stay balanced.

Ten year old is introverted. Introverts can find themselves avoiding the outer world and staying within. So they rest on that Ni – Fi loop.

If you get inside somebody else’s perspective, then mirror their emotions it becomes overwhelming to a Thinker. So they shut themselves off and create massive distance from the world.

Why INTJs feel so lonely. Human relationships require a measure of vulnerability.

The solution is that INTJs need to become vulnerable. They will survive. They are resilient.

Pain may seem neverending, but it does fade. People can massively add to the quality of your life.

To get to vulnerability, INTJs need to use their Copilot first. Create systems and frameworks of connecting with others.

Create a social event you can feel some control over. As the host, you are the highest status person in the room, and you know everyone.

When INTJs feel out of control, they clamp down.

When Effectiveness feels good in general, it is more open to experiencing closer relationships.

If INTJs aren’t implementing enough effectiveness strategies, they’re going to feel vulnerable and out of control.

Get out of comfort zone and get into action.

Swap the feeling of vulnerability with empowerment. Empowerment comes from building things in outside world and knowing you got the world handled. Then the vulnerability fades.

Even when Authenticity is used well, and it is healthy it is very idealistic. It’s not so much about reality but conviction. This is how things should be making me feel.

Perfectionism is a running theme for INTJs because it is an idealism of the way things should be.

Idealism gets turned in on INTJ themselves, which is crippling.

The opposite is Effectiveness which is pass/fail criteria. Good is better than perfect.

Authenticity is about “does it feel good to me?” So to INTJs nothing is ever good enough. They are waiting for just the right time. Just that perfect moment to implement the ideal strategy.

INTJs should never wait for that perfect moment to act. Start acting first.

Let Authenticity serve Effectiveness.

Effectiveness forces you out of your shell. But there are so many problems when INTJs use Fi as their navigator.

The 3-year-old process is Extraverted Sensing we have nicknamed “Sensation.”

Inferior – Se

Real-time kinetic connection with the environment. Blind spot to INTJs. Sensation Usually shows up when they are Overly stressed. Causes them to Overindulge in sensory behavior.

Both back seat passengers are incredibly indulgent for INTJs: Fi is emotional indulgence, and Se is sensory indulgence.

The thing that they have to monitor themselves for is whether or not they are going to an indulgent space. INTJs need to be physically aware of their body’s needs. The body is not just a vehicle for the brain.

There are Neurons in the stomach and heart which means that the brain cells extend into our body.

A good relationship with three-year-old means you’re nourishing your body and not feeding it junk food.

INTJ women feel disconnected from other women and intimidating to men.

Thinker Women and Feeler Men podcast

25% of women are Thinkers.

When you don’t fit the ideal imprint of the average female you are not going to attract the highest percentage of people, but there are people out there that are looking for a bird of paradise just like you.

If you haven’t run into these people yet, it is because you’re not in the right place. Go beyond your comfort zone.

INTJs don’t have a lot of patience for themselves. One of the best ways to make space for others and be more patient with others is by being more patient with yourself.

Stop worrying about how you should be and be willing to fail and learn. Be the person who gets things done as opposed to conceptualizing things.

Push through the challenges. There will be waste, but action is better than non-action.

Feedback from the outside world will make you feel stronger and more empowered.

In this episode, Joel and Antonia dive deep into the unique challenges, needs, and desires of the INTJ personality type. #MBTI #INTJ

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  • Alexis
    • Alexis
    • May 1, 2017 at 10:50 pm

    INTJ woman here – and I found this podcast almost uncomfortably accurate. Really great, insightful stuff.

    As an aside re:impatience, I don’t know about other INTJs but I really think that part of my tendency to become impatient with people has to do with that social prediction ability that comes with the Perspectives process. Energy is always already at a premium for me and then many of the conversations that I have to have – either to be polite or in order to get information into people’s heads – are so easy to predict that I have to expend energy literally just waiting for them to say the things I know they’re going to say anyway and catch up with me partway conceptually.

    It’s like hanging out with a little kid who always wants to watch the same movie you’ve already seen, over and over again. It’s exhausting because you already know what’s going to happen, but you can’t leave – you just have to sit there, waiting for it to play out, when you could be doing something that isn’t sucking energy out of you. And you want to skip the in-between steps, but other people can’t do that so you just wait and wait and wait.

    In support of this, I very rarely feel impatient with friends who are Ne even when they have tremendous energy I could never match – they generate new thoughts and content and connections so quickly (and those things are so valuable to me) that there’s no sense of wasted energy and time.

  • Renae
    • Renae
    • May 1, 2017 at 3:50 pm

    I’ve listened to this podcast before—maybe a year ago. Listening to it again, now, I’m noticing how these ideas have played out in my life even more. I’ve been going through a time of big transition lately, which seems like a relevant contributing factor in seeing my life more clearly, seeing how my difficulties may be expressed through the lens of cognitive function and personality type. Listening to the podcast this time around, it was clearer to me how identifying as a Highly Sensitive Person is very much in sync with the car model of the INTJ, especially the authenticity piece. The whole idea of being in a position of vulnerability and not being a very strong place as far as living into my co-pilot is especially relevant. I’ve experienced my authenticity as horribly overwhelming, mirroring other people’s emotions while not feeling like I have solid core in myself. Another way to see it is, I’ve very inexpertly functioned as a feeler, which resulted in feeling caught up in a hurricane of external and internal emotional and physical stimulation, barraging my poor ten-year-old. Long story short, I’ve experienced and lived in a depressive state most of my adult life. Lately I have been using my co-pilot more, putting myself out in the world, not like in big business-y ways as discussed in the podcast, but just—volunteering, attending classes and trainings, etc., and I feel so much stronger and more competent. I feel the truth of the statements made in the podcast around that subject—my authenticity is supported rather than made the authoritative ruler. And I’ve gotten wonderful heartening feedback from other people about my contributions as I call forth my strengths (sometimes clumsily, sometimes with more success), practicing my effectiveness, which helps me set aside, little by little, feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy. Intentionally practicing self-compassion and self-acceptance has helped tremendously, too.
    I’ve also more proactively been taking care of my “kids” (ten and three-year-old functions), in the ways described above, and also attending to my physical needs—prioritizing my health by exercising regularly, eating well, getting enough sleep, daily jounaling, keeping a tidy, quiet, and aesthetically pleasing home environment, getting outside in the sunlight and fresh air, and dancing—connecting with other people through low-stakes joyful physical movement.
    I think that I have important work to do in this life, and I need to have all of my passengers (cognitive functions) on board and needs tended to to live into my purpose well. This statement is representative of where I am right now—I’m noticing it because even a year ago, a month ago, I was in a very different place with my overall well-being. (Because—divorce! Relationships are effective and brutal teachers, even as they’re ending/after they’ve practically reached conclusion.)

  • Maria
    • Maria
    • April 29, 2017 at 9:17 am

    What an awesome podcast! So very insightful, empathic and useful. Thank you ?

  • Diane
    • Diane
    • April 28, 2017 at 8:06 pm

    Another excellent podcast from two very insightful people. As an INTJ I have felt lonely all my life ( I am now 65). Although in the past 25 years I have realised I prefer to be alone a lot, as long as I have one or two good friends to see sometimes. I agree with some of the comments about being self-employed ( even if in addition to having a paid job) as it gives the self-created structure we need to feel comfortable, but can feel disappointing if we get too few takers for our services.

    Even though I mostly feel OK about myself, I often hunger for more real people to connect with at a deep level, intellectually or emotionally. My current boyfriend has a huge circle of friends, and I dread the events they have as there are few in the circle I would normally choose to socialise with ( mostly Ss of one type or another, ISTP etc).One thing that helps me here in Germany is to stay open to new things: I picked up a contract to teach at a uni on an international program which also gave me access to professional develop,ent programs for uni staff…great place to meet smart people. Also when previously living in Australia I was involved with a Buddhist group…Buddhism is not a religion ( INTJs are the least likely MBTI type to be believers), but the Buddhist groups tend to attract thinkers who are not afraid of the unusual. I also did some amateur theatre…you get the sense of satisfaction from a result with feedback ( applause at the end of the play), and introverts make great actors ( we can focus and easily put on a character.

    One word of solace to young INTJs: we naturally go through some type development as we age so much later in life the feeling and sensing become less scary!!

  • Mk
    • Mk
    • April 5, 2017 at 1:56 pm

    I really want to thank both of you for the gift of this podcast, God bless you both.

    I’ve been reading up on Myers-Briggs for three weeks, thought I was INFJ but then discovered it was INTJ just a few days ago.

    Re-listened to your podcast today and took notes. It was very emotional, because it struck home so deeply… the isolation, the fear of getting hurt…

    The depth of your insight is not something I have had access to before, despite counseling and therapy. I believe that this knowledge can be a platform for me to push forward out of my comfort zone and into Effectiveness a you elegantly discussed and I hope that this will allow me to be more effective in my life and have higher self esteem.

    Thank you.

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