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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about why we tend to avoid developing our co-pilot cognitive function in our Myers-Briggs personality.

In this podcast you’ll find:

  • Car Model article
  • Last week’s podcast on the Car Model
  • Cognitive Function stack
  • Introverted and Extraverted functions
  • Learning (Perceiving) and decision-making (Judging) functions
  • Driver/dominant function is our favorite
  • Co-Pilot tends to be two dimensional because we do not explore it as thoroughly as our Driver
  • Circumstances or careers may contribute to the development of the Co-Pilot
  • We adopt strategies that work for us, and when we try something new – like developing the Co-Pilot – it may feel exhausting and pointless.
  • We may choose to stick with the familiar.
  • Stephen Covey’s Competency model:
    • Unconscious Incompetence
    • Conscious Incompetence
    • Conscious Competence
    • Unconscious Competence
  • The only way out is through
  • It is worth it to gain competence with our Co-Pilot, even if it is painful to begin with.
  • Massive shifts may be on the horizon
  • You may initially reject some of our suggestions for developing your Co-Pilot process
  • Our Mind can resist growth if it fears the consequences that may come with that growth
  • Development of the auxiliary function gets us to the life we want
  • We may have created a synthetic life for ourselves up until now.
  • The Co-Pilot is the opposite attitude of our Driver
  • If your Driver is Extraverted, your Co-Pilot will be Introverted – and vice versa
    • All lead with an Extraverted evaluative function, so their Co-Pilot is going to be Introverted perceiving
    • All EJs want to be in control. Managing the situation.
    • When EJs go into their Co-Pilot, they have to slow down and face a world they may not be able to control.
    • ESJs Co-Pilot is Introverted Sensing, which requires a longer timeline – the past
    • ENJs Co-Pilot is Introverted Intuition, which requires a longer timeline – the future
    • It requires calm, presence, and isolation.
    • EJs love closing loops
    • EFJs close loops with people
    • ETJs close loops with systems
    • Getting in touch with the inner world means walking away and not closing loops.
    • There may even be some legit healing work that needs to happen, so the inner world feels like a mess.
    • If there are inner issues, you may be closing loops that don’t resonate with you fundamentally.
    • Going inside helps you get on the right trajectory.
    • All lead with an Extraverted perceiving process, so their Co-Pilot is going to be an Introverted judging process
    • EPs love speed and freedom
    • Slowing down for EPs prevents them from quickly pivoting, which feels like it is removing their freedom or identity
    • EPs may not know what their identity even is, so they go inside and have to start getting to know themselves.
    • Ethics and moral codes are often found within
    • It’s much better to have freedoms removed due to integrity than guilt
    • EJs and EPs must – Slow. Way. Down.
    • Sit with yourself. Journal. Meditate. Ruminate. Get present with yourself.
    • Be willing to sit with a lot of pain.
    • Learn the skill to work with your pain and build intimacy with yourself
    • It is worth it.
    • All lead with an Introverted perceiving process, so their Co-Pilot is going to be an Extraverted judging process
    • When you lead with an Introverted perceiving process, you get to a place where you realize that the outer world is scary.
    • On some level, all info IJs pick up gets trapped inside – it’s an Introverted perceiving process.
    • All IJs know the outside world has dangers to it.
    • Sometimes they don’t get to decide what comes in unless they build some firm boundaries against it.
    • To explore the Extraverted world feels like a scary, vulnerable place to IJs.
    • Real world feedback can be scary.
    • IJs need to execute ideas in the outer world.
    • Through systems or relationships.
    • It’s like sticking your neck out because you don’t know the response you’re going to get.
    • There is a significant difference between conceptualizing impact on the world and actually impacting the world.
    • The more Introverts do Extraverted behaviors, the faster they get at processing the feedback.
    • You are going to fail. That’s part of learning.
    • IJs love to learn. It is very gratifying. But they are used to doing it in controlled environments.
    • The learning IJs do from getting into action has 10x the return.
    • The only way to get into harmony is by resolving conflict
    • If an ITJ is trying to build something they may have to start with breaking it.
    • The core fear of IJs is vulnerability
    • Test. Get feedback. Improve. Test again.
    • Get used to the process.
    • Become less vulnerable through skill building.
    • All lead with an Introverted judging process, so their Co-Pilot is going to be an Extraverted perceiving process.
    • IPs know their core identity – what makes sense.
    • They enjoy comfort
    • Asking IPs to get into their Co-Pilot requires destabilizing action that may contradict how they see themselves and the world.
    • Avoiding their Co-Pilot allows the IP to keep their core identity protected.
    • Getting out into the world exposes the IP to criticism.
    • Identity level shifts are painful.
    • It can take a long time for IPs to revisit their identity.
    • The core fear is self-doubt
  • Unless you have been lucky enough to be pushed into a life that favors your Co-Pilot, it is going to be hard to develop.
  • Our Co-Pilot can help us focus on our passion, purpose, and mission
  • We focus 80% of our content at PH on developing the Co-Pilot – the single most important part of our personality.
  • You will be happier and have better relationships if you develop your Co-Pilot
  • All of our cognitive functions are important and require some attention, but once you start focusing on the Co-Pilot everything else falls into place.
  • You can’t develop your Co-Pilot enough

In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about why we tend to avoid developing our co-pilot cognitive function in our Myers-Briggs personality. #podcast #MBTI #myersbriggs #personalgrowth

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  • Sara dH
    • Sara dH
    • July 11, 2018 at 2:02 pm

    Yes, I really think that if you continue to work on you co-pilot the work with the tertiary and the inferior will come naturally. Because what you find there will lead you exactly what to do in regards to the areas of the inferior and the tertiary. Like how Fe as a co-pilot for INFJ helps build the tool for the external, the boundaries. This boundary setting is actually also building it for the Ti. To hold space for, not let it drive, choose when it will have it’s say (just like we start to be able to choose which judgement or emotion we let in via Fe). And the same for Se, we use it to have compassion and inner warmth back at us (not just to the external) but really care for the needs of the baby Se. I am rather sure we can see a similar trajectory for other types.

  • Lisa
    • Lisa
    • June 13, 2018 at 6:48 pm

    I have been actively developing my copilot in the past several days/ months/ years (not necessarily intentionally), and all I can say is “Wow!”

    The things you say about IP, I have never heard before, but they are SOO true. I have experienced the identity crisis (a frightening thing, indeed), and have come out on the other side a much better, and more confident, person. Thank you for explaining it all so clearly!

  • Lisa
    • Lisa
    • June 13, 2018 at 6:39 pm

    I would say it depends on WHY you’re doing it. Are you doing it to feel like you’re accomplishing something? Or are you trying to ACTUALLY have some time alone to think and meditate?

  • Crystal Brown
    • Crystal Brown
    • June 2, 2018 at 8:46 pm

    Hi Justine!

    I know I only have your short comment to go by, but I do feel I can relate to some obwhat you’ve said.

    You’re obviously very intelligent and introspective, so I’m assuming that when you say that these certain types don’t feel right, you don’t mean behavioral descriptions but more so functional stacking.

    I’m an INFP and I sometimes feel that doubting what we “know” is in our blood. When I first started learning about MBTI, I doubted my type because I never felt like the idealistic, sensitive little puppy so many sites describe INFP as. As I got deeper involved and started looking at the functions, I found that I doubted my typing because I related more to Fe than Fi. I felt that I placed a greater importance on the harmony and feelings of others around me than I did my own personal feelings.

    It’s taken me a really long time to understand a simple concept….the fact that I feel I have more Fe than Fi is because Im so strong in Fi…haha. The belief that all people should be treated with respect, and that I behave in a way that I feel is unselfish is one of my core values…so even though it seems like Fe, it’s all introverted feeling.

    I’m not saying that this exact thing is the problem you’re having, but that it’s possible you too could be using too much black and white. Maybe try adding in a bit more grey and see what you find :)

    And remember, we all operate on a gradiant. We’ll always be just the one type, but that doesn’t mean that every type is the same. I could have freakishly strong sensing as an INFP, which would make me very very different from an INFP with very little. Keep at it, friend :)

  • Crystal
    • Crystal
    • June 2, 2018 at 8:23 pm

    First, I’d just like to say tanks so much for these podcasts! You two obviously know what you’re talking about and you’ve really helped me to understand the way I work just a bit better.

    My question is, how do you go about guaging your level of development in regards to your auxillary function? I’m a 29 year old female INFP, and I know for a fact that I’ve done some major growing in my 20’s, but how do I know how much of that development has been focused on my co-pilot extraverted intuition?

    I really took your warnings to heart with this podcast in that developing your co-pilot will definitely not be fun. I don’t believe that I was doing Ne things everytime I forced myself into situations that were outside of my comfort zone….but at the same time, there have been quite a few instances in the last 5 years that majorly sucked for me, haha
    …but I’m proud of myself for having done them and feel that they’ve helped me to become a better person. This feels like it could be an indication that I was working on my co-pilot at the time, but I’m not sure.

    I have social anxiety and have lived long enough to know that indulging it too much will make it considerably worse. In the last 5 years, I’ve worked a job that requires me to goto places I’m unfamiliar with, and interact with people I don’t know on a daily basis. To not have have all the details and rely on my tact and charisma in order to make sure the customer is satisfied. I remember going home every night feeling sick to my stomach just thinking back to the embarrassing things I did and said that day and how grateful I was to be home…i felt exposed and stupid every day, but I kept up with it. Now, it’s rare for me to feel that way at my job, and I feel like I’m more confident because I know I can handle whatever comes my way.

    Would this be a situation where one might be forced into developing Ne? Or is the anxiety a separate beast entirely and only relates to my functional stack on the whole? Itd be interesting to learn where social anxiety fits on each types functional stacks, and whether or not the development of that disorder correlates to certain functions.

    Thanks for reading! And thanks again for these podcasts! You’re helping so many people…You both should be proud :)

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