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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about the idealism we develop around our perceiving cognitive functions.
In this podcast you’ll find:
- In the last podcast, we discussed idealism with the four judging functions
- Car Model
- ENTP/ENFP share the same dominant perceiving function – Extraverted Intuition ‘Exploration’ Ne
- Exploration = endless freedom
- Always chasing a new shiny object
- Hard to commit to anything
- EPs want to keep their options open at all times
- Purity without having to do any work to gain true mastery
- ENFPs are better at pretending they are following the rules
- ENTPs struggle with this because of their Ti – Introverted Thinking
- ENFPs are good at pretending intimacy with people
- They don’t like saying yes to things they may feel trapped by later
- Ne wants to create impact in the world.
- It wants to see if there is a better way.
- You can’t create a new norm unless you disrupt what is already there and establish something else.
- The polar opposite of Extraverted Intuition is Introverted Sensing ‘Memory’ – Si
- Memory = reviewing memories to get impressions
- The Ideal for Si is purity for all memories.
- Many ISJs spend massive amounts of time on detailed creative hobbies that allow them to shut out the world and its many disruptions.
- ENPs with an inferior Si can choose not to think about the things they don’t want to deal with. Like past trauma.
- When memories start to come up for SJs they don’t have the choice just to push it away as NPs do.
- Reviewing sensory experiences is a compulsion for SJs. To not do so causes depression.
- So they hide or stick to reliable routines.
- Tried and True vs. Hiding from the world
- Ne compulsion is perpetually bouncing from one thing to the other
- Ne requires a foundation to build upon
- Si requires surrender to change
- SJs do pattern recognition work, but it is slow because they have to repattern a whole memory
- Extraverted Sensing ‘Sensation’ Se
- The idealism for Se is an oversimplified version of everything
- “There’s an obvious and simple solution for everything; why aren’t we doing it?”
- Sometimes the obvious solution is the right one. Sometimes it isn’t.
- Se sees no need to study systems or think of complexities.
- The world is full of immediate, actionable solutions that everyone else is too obtuse to see.
- Purity without the work
- Everybody else is the idiot
- This is why they are so good at reacting in real time
- Ne never has to commit
- Si never has to do anything out of its comfort zone
- Se never has to figure out the complexity of things behind the curtain
- “When you have a hammer all the world is a nail.”
- There is a percentage of problems that people do overcomplicate – but not all of them.
- ESPs are always in trouble because they try to simplify problems that require more complex answers.
- Se is the polar opposite of Introverted Intuition ‘Perspectives’ Ni
- Ni gets into other people’s perspectives
- Se worries about what people think of them
- As long as Se can get people on its side, it doesn’t have to think about managing their goodwill
- Se needs to surrender to the idea that there is no such thing as a pure function.
- They have to do the Work.
- Se needs to remember that some problems are more complicated than they think.
- As Se gets more seasoned and mature over time, it starts to recognize the law of diminishing returns on simple solutions.
- Introverted Intuition ‘Perspectives’ Ni
- The ability to shift perspectives and get into other people’s headspace
- They also watch their own mind form patterns
- Ni gets gummed up by sustainability
- Ni can go so long term that they prevent new experiences from happening if it doesn’t look sustainable
- Ni fantasy is the idea that reality can be lived internally before it happens.
- You can have all the answers just by running a simulation
- That sounds like a lot of work to other people, but it is the native language of INJs.
- The work is being present and implementing real time.
- Sjs hide away. NJs conceptualize.
- INTJ who couldn’t stop talking because he was externalizing his inner dialogue at all times – and none of it made sense to anyone but him.
- Stream of consciousness talk
- If he could figure it all out, he could accomplish his dream to be a contributor – showing up in life and engaging.
- Balance it out and engage with the hear and now.
- Get away from purist thought and get into the work.
- Don’t just run a simulation but look for the evidence in front of you, not just the patterns in your mind.
- What is the sensory evidence? How do people see you?
- INJs are all steak and no sizzle, but nobody comes to them for the steak because there’s no sizzle.
- There’s no ability to interface with the world to bring complex solution to complex problems.
- There’s no bridge.
- They are just chasing rabbit trails internally.
- They think the rabbit trails will equate to impact.
- All four perceiving functions have this desire for excellent ROI without having to put in the work.
- Work you need to do:
- Integrate the other side of the polarity and recognize its influence
- Attach your perceiving function to the other functions in your stack – especially functions of the opposite attitude (E/I)
- Recognize you have to do the work. You can’t just exist and be amazing.
- The antidote is the integration of the other side of your polarity.
- Integration = understanding the importance of something and not pushing it away anymore
- If an introverted function has you by the balls, integrate an extraverted function – either the polar opposite or the copilot.
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32 comments
[INTP] First of all, this site (in particular the podcast) has been a Godsend for myself and my marriage. I started listening in the midst of a terrible year (while searching for anything that could help), and it gave me a framework to better understand why I wasn’t having any luck communicating with my ISFP wife. A little over a year later and while we still have trouble relating to each other, it’s so much easier to attribute our “sideways moments” to our differences and not some character flaw in the other. I’m not exaggerating when I say your material saved/transformed our marriage!
Anyways, I can definitely relate to the Ti desire to skip the inconsistent results of talking to get a point across and just “mind-meld”, as well as my Ne desire to always have flexibility, especially with my time and decisions (both of which has been the source of conflict over the years, see marriage troubles above). I also let out a laugh when the discussion came to the Se “act now!” tendency as I have to constantly remind my ISFP wife and ESFP daughter not to throw balls back and forth through the kitchen past countless breakable items!
The most helpful, though, was the discussion on Si. It helped me to realize that while my wife and I have apologized to her sister for a botched family trip, the fact that she is likely an ISFJ means that while we can easily move on, she cannot. And our apology, though sincere, was not honoring of her and was likely received more as “get over it”.
Thank you, and keep up the good work!
And please ignore that profile photo, that’s an unintentional side effect of using my personal email for my job haha.
Hi Joel and Antonia,
I’ve learned a ton from your podcast and blog over the last several months, but this episode gave me an especially strong “aha” moment when you talked about the idealism of Perspectives (I’m an INFJ). I’m in the midst of trying to make a career change, and there are so many directions I could go with the type of work I want to do, so I’ve found myself taking in information and future pacing with it to the point that I’m not taking any action with what I’ve learned! I even write out the action steps that I should be taking, but I’ll continually put them off in favor of trying to get more clarity about the direction I should go. I’ll get really excited about an idea, but then “short-circuit” it by thinking it might not be sustainable for me in the long-run (I’m also a highly sensitive person, so I’m extremely protective of my energy). I’ve known that I’m prone to thinking this way, but now I can see how it’s keeping me from actually creating the life I love to envision.
The way you talked about this idealism as a fantasy really helped me to wake up to how I’m sabotaging my own ambitions. I’d definitely be interested in any more advice, tips, or recommended podcast episodes on how people with a Perspectives driver can be less in their heads and better about getting into action. I’m sure you’ve talked about this in the episodes and articles I’ve already read, but I probably need to hear it again! Thank you for the work you do!
Hello Joel and Antonia,
I first wanted to say thank you, you’ve helped me understand myself better as an INFJ. Your podcasts are very informative and helpful, and I also like the Making Peace With Your Parents podcast where Antonia tells her story. It feels like I can connect with you on a deeper level.
I have a question that has been on my mind lately and that is if you have ever noticed a trend where certain types are more likely to be short-tempered than others?
Just to give some context. I’ve always been conflict averse, and I don’t like showing my anger towards people because I know how it feels when someone directs their anger towards me. Growing up my mom appeared to be extraverted and she was very short-tempered, and I was often afraid of doing the wrong thing because I didn’t want to be yelled at. I don’t know her MBTI type because she passed away in my teenage years, however, my grandma has similarities to my mom and she is an ESFJ.
In my life after high school I noticed a pattern of me making friends with woman who had strong and feisty personalities. Ones who were blunt and short-tempered, and if you offended them they were never afraid to get angry at you and speak their minds. Of course this dynamic was unhealthy for me because I would be afraid to stand up to them and would allow them to cross over my boundaries. It’s been quite a journey in learning how to speak up for myself and to set healthy boundaries but one that I needed.
Now back to my question. All these woman were extraverted, however, I’m unsure if they were feelers or thinkers and that got me wondering if feelers or thinkers are more likely to be short-tempered? and would them being an extravert or introvert have anything to do with it? I realize that any personality type can get angry but I just wanted to know if you have noticed any sort of trend where certain types are more likely to be short-tempered?
Take care,
Jessica
Oh God, the Ni idealism of “reality can be lived internally” struck a HUGE nerve with me.
I just had a conversation with my boyfriend the other day that went like this,
Him: So you got upset with X the other day, did you talk to her?
Me: No, I just thought about it for awhile and I realized that X was probably feeling this and that and that’s why she behaved that way. And once I realized that, I really wasn’t upset anymore so I don’t see the point in talking to her about it.
Him: Well you may feel better about it, but you’re not allowing her any say in the situation.
Me: So? I already figured it out. It’s all good.
Him: No! It’s not all good. You’re not giving her the chance to say her side, for you guys to ACTUALLY develop a relationship that she is a part of.
Me: … But I already understand everything …
Him: … But that’s not the point …
And now it’s incredibly obvious that what he’s trying to point out is that I’m over-relying on Ni/Ti so I don’t have to do the work of ACTUALLY engaging via Fe. It feels good in the short term because I don’t have to do the awkward messy work of having a conversation and creating harmony WITH the other person’s input and involvement… But it is bad in the long term because people don’t actually feel close to me when I completely shut them out of my “relationship” with them.
I needed to hear this today.