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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about the unique social challenges facing NT women personality types (INTJ – INTP – ENTP – ENTJ).
In this podcast you’ll find:
- The common thread between the INTJ, INTP, ENTP and ENTJ female types.
- Your double hit of being Intuitive and a Thinker as a woman.
- What are common challenges NT women deal with?
- Why are their challenges not talked about much?
- Why you are under-represented as an NT woman.
- What do you do when you don’t show up according to societal expectations?
- The overtime NT women put in trying to meet others where they are at.
- Why do NT women keep facing exhaustion and social failure?
- How much energy do you use trying to be more feminine?
- How being told “you’re the problem” affects NT women.
- Why is sisterhood so valued by you, yet often elusive?
- The blending mask that NT women wear.
- What happens when that mask comes off?
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The damaging strategy cycles NT women go through.
- The ENTP woman’s strategies to alleviate offense.
- Why an ENTJ woman diminishes her strong energy.
- The ego hits INTJ and INTP women take from fitting in.
- Why you feel so alone in your female NT challenges.
- How you feel unstoppable inside yet self-diminish socially.
- Why the NT woman’s cure is worse than the disease.
- Overidentifying with your wiring and the drama triangle.
- How do you navigate through your wounds?
- Becoming a bridge through your masculine and feminine energy.
- How you come off in your emotional and thought labor.
- How can camaraderie help you?
- Ways you can grow as an NT woman.
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Podcast - Episode 0352 - Building Self Esteem Regardless Of Type
Podcast - Episode 0354 - Social Challenges NT Women Face - Part 2 (INTJ - INTP - ENTP - ENTJ)
42 comments
Thank you! seriously, it is so nice to hear and recognize the situations, feeling met in the nt womanhood. I feel comfortable being a a woman, but expectations and how easily I trigger other women and men are exhausting. It was a really good point of how it, at times, feels like some kind of bullying, which can set of all the spiraling theories og how the world is almost plotting against you – but it is acutally/probably just a matter of feelers feeling they are meeting you (and it was so fun about how feelers often think they are the the ones trying to meet everyone elses needs the most, which can kind of feel like a dictatorship or passive-agressive behaviour from the nt perspective)
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have been a lurking fan of your podcasts for a while but this one has come in the perfect time really – using lockdown downtime to look inwards, untangle some of the wounding and ultimately repair the relationship I have with myself which will in turn lead to better and more authentic relationships with others.
This has really resonated with me a lot, which shouldn’t be surprising since I’m an NT woman too (ENTP), still wondering what the hell is wrong with me. You have hit the nail on the head with describing how much energy we expend trying to meet other peoples’ expectations of how we should show up in the world and how often enough negative feedback results in self-censorship and trying to force a couple of measly flowers in the front yard while we have a beautiful garden at the back of the house that we are not looking after. I am in my mid 30s now, still struggling with having a healthy level of self esteem, being a freak and owning it unapologetically though I think it might be getting better with age. I used to have this gunshot energy you mentioned but have dimmed it so much (all my own doing) I am struggling to access it again and am living in a way that is discordant with who I really am.
I feel many other NT women could relate to this. How can you realign with this after many years of pretending to be someone else just to be liked by others?
Maya, first off there’s nothing wrong with you, you’re exactly as you should be and you will not benefit in reality by kowtowing to others in how they think you “should” be other than how you are. I wouldn’t force anything, just let your essence naturally flow and surprisingly there will be many including myself that see you as more feminine than you realize. Femininity is freedom of expression, creativity, any emotions, being silly, being weird, truth is the most feminine women in the world don’t make any sense and act nothing like the main stream societal norms portray women to be and that’s OK, their not meant to, their energy is just meant to be enjoyed. If you would like to learn more about femininity from a woman that doesn’t take any shit and is apologetically herself and doesn’t follow the crowd. I would have you take a look at the femininewoman.com for some study into the subject.
R/ INTJ
I’ve been reflecting a lot on these types of topics lately, though not always in a personality type frame. This podcast gave some language to some of the feelings I’ve been having. I’ve struggled a lot with building a career and making career decisions, and I’m seeing that part of the problem is that I am so attuned to monitoring the opinions and feelings of those outside of me that I’ve sort of forgotten how to trust myself to make good decisions and build my own ways of thinking, even if these are nonconformist. I’ve lived most of my life in family, friendship, and professional spaces with feelers, and early on I became very accustomed to monitoring everything I say and do for potentially off-putting vibes. It’s frankly ridiculous to think about, putting it into writing. Now, this is related to personality type (ENTP or INTP) as well as some other life experiences that have instilled a solid pendulum dynamic swinging between social avoidance and trying to be part of groups. I’m really starting to feel within my own body (like it’s becoming physical) that I have become totally accustomed to thinking I need to put on a “mask” of sorts for all kinds of social interactions. Working online, I can feel more blatantly the tenseness that characterizes the process of “putting on” my socially acceptable character for interacting with others. At this point in my life, it’s not helping me, it’s hurting—and what’s more, nobody really even knows that this is all going on inside me!
Thanks Antonia, I appreciate the reply. This makes a lot of sense for me. To be honest, even though I’m much more into the MBTI than enneagram, and I get the way we can use our stacking functions to make improvements, whenever I get to the core of my biggest issues in life, I identify more with the enneagram description and the constant need to be vigilant about potential problems. That I’m sure about…I’m a 6…ugh! (On a different note, have you done a deeper dive into people’s 8th function. I hate most that I don’t have extroverted sensing b/c I live among so many extroverted sensors (I live in a sensate culture) and their energy for the real world drains me. I need my sensory to be calm and contemplative—hiking or walking—not hitting the pavement hard, fast, and long!:))