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In this episode, Joel talks with Antonia and Melissa Harris (Personality Hacker’s Profiling Coach) about the personal challenges they both face as NT women (ENTP and INTJ).
In this podcast you’ll find:
- Guest host Melissa Harris, Executive Coach for Personality Hacker’s Profiler Training and INTJ, joins the conversation.
- What are the top social challenges xNTP and xNTJ women face?
- How Sensor Thinker women can resonate with some of these concerns.
- How does being an Intuitive layer more complexity?
- Why NT Women can’t as easily do emotional labor for other people.
- What are the social strategies Antonia & Melissa, as NT women, have developed?
- How do they deal with being underestimated? And also being intimidating?
- The advantages of communicating good intent.
- Our secret powers as NT women.
- Why your hard-earned adaptability serves you well.
- What is the universal statement NT women say?
- The leverage point of being between the masculine and feminine polarity.
- Our healing powers as NT women.
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How is it being a mother as an NT woman?
- What comes easily.
- Navigating the realm of emotions.
- The things that drain us.
- The hidden shame many NT mothers experience.
- Deciding which parenting rules apply.
- Giving yourself permission to be offbeat.
- The helpful advice every NT woman needs to hear.
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Podcast - Episode 0353 - Social Challenges NT Women Face - Part 1 (INTJ - INTP - ENTP - ENTJ)
Podcast - Episode 0355 - Using Your 6th Function To Break A Loop - Part 1 (ISxP - ESxJ)
23 comments
This episode definitely fit into the general theme of feeling seen and celebrated by PH. I often feel like 1. not many people get me and 2. those who do see more of who I am like me despite who I am, not for who I am. Listening to Antonia and Melissa was a great reminder that me trying to ‘fit in’ to the norms (especially gender norms) is just a disservice to me and the people around me. But even then, the work NT women have to do to relate to others is so much hidden work. Instead of just sharing thoughts with others, I need to translate my thoughts into laments terms that can me received and interpreted. And yes, it’s a lot of work.
Along with that work though comes an opportunity to gamify how to interact with others, as Melissa was getting at. INTJs do so well one-on-one. People are fascinating. Using the information they share with us as data points to build a framework of rules inside our own brains of how they think can be so fun, and definitely make up for lack of Fe by guessing what they want to be asked as a way to facilitate the conversation. But in a group setting, absolutely not. It doesn’t matter how ‘in’ the group you are, moving past 3 or 4 people in a group is the threshold that switches us from being a participant to an audience member.
After listening to this episode, I do regret that i didn’t sign up for the NT women workshop. I think part of the reason I did not sign up was because as a gay woman, my radar for gender norms is totally different. I am way less concerned about adapting or faking it to fit gender norms or feeling ‘feminine.’ I almost embrace not fitting them, and probably embrace resisting them to some extent.
Anyway, thank you. I am so truly grateful for these conversations and normalizing an experience that is so rare. I often forget that people can see the intersection of my marginalized identities, and your words have reminded me how to hold space for myself and that no matter how much of an outcast I feel I am, I am not alone.
Hello there :) ENTJ woman here, i am 28 and i am listening to your podcasts from Hungary for like 3 years now i believe. In the begining of my journey I used to HATE my type, like really, I did the test dozenz of times just to get enother result ? of course I never get else. And so a lot of things happened and now I am a bit more comfortable with it but still these things oh my god – like you have no idea how threatened I feel by not being this feeler and nurturing women, – little side information that I am a dancer which is also something I used to be sad about that no ENTJ career or job is connected to art, but again I own a dance school, I am a teacher and I also do events so I guess I found my thing in it without me knowing. So back to being a woman here, wow I see that the scene is awarding these feminin energy and the people see woman dancers more like the godes Aphrodite or Demeter and I am a verrrry strong Artemis / Athene woman. I scare away a lot of people, by just being me and the blending need used to be so strong. I had short hair and now I try to maintain more feminin vibe so I am growing it longer and I try to soften my energy, just how Antonia said I have this energy that enters the room before me. I used to / and I still do but I work in it a lot – hurt peoply by just being logical! And ahw gosh its so exhausting to constantly work on being okay with people one point I had like very strong social anxiety. And the best part I that I have a husband and he is the love of my life he is just my accepnatnce towards myself he is an INFP you think I am kidding right we are so perfect together. But all I feel is that I can not have a good fulfiling conversation with ANYONE, NO ONE LITERALLY NO ONE but him – and my threapist. Oh gosh please if you know an ENTJ mother group – as I want to have kids one day and But this is a topic where i get terrified and one part of me says hell nooooo one part of me is like it could be nice and i kinde want to – or just an NT female group where I can bond a little I would be so happy. Thank you for this 2 podcasts!
Also an INTJ woman in Oregon, and I’m just out and out laughing at the motherhood conversation. I’m in my 40s now, but decided as a pre-teen that I never wanted to parent – and I’ve stuck to it. The social challenges of being an INTJ woman are just That. Much. Harder. without kids to ease those beginning friendships. It’s less the judgement from other women – although I suspect it’s been there on occasion – and more that they just don’t have any clue what I could possibly be doing with my life.
INTJ here. Really enjoyed this pair of podcasts…so much resonates. Just wondering at the comment on installment 1 of how communicating in a world largely comprised of SF’s can be very draining. I’m wondering how often E’s are misidentified as I’s or pushed into and acclimated to I behavior not because social interaction itself is taxing but because of the work involved in self-censoring and shifting perspectives in order to communicate. Always shifting to communicate on somebody else’s terms is exhausting. I imagine it would be exhausting for extroverts too. I’ve always described myself as a gregarious introvert. Where do you place a person energized by uncensored and unguarded communication with other NT’s but completely depleted by mundane interactions?
I am INFP and when in a class or interesting conversation, philosofical debate I start saying : “ I don’t understand…” , an NT woman or even more likely an NT man will start explaining what has just been explained. Sure I think, (I used to say it out loud but i don’t do that anymore), I am not stupid , I understood so much already, but I think/(feel?) I have a question that is beyond what we’ve explored sofar, there are new questions that need to be resolved now that we have come this far in our thinking. I do not want to go back and be explained some boring facts that we know by now.
Instead of regarding myself as a feeler- I am not so very interested in emotions – I thought I was a thinker, even more so than real thinkers. But I tested INFP again and again regardless what tests I took. Before I thought I would and could identify with NT women, but thanks to this podcast I know I am definitely not that kind of thinker. I am fysical even more that emotional, and I enjoyed pregnancy and motherhood because of the strange new knowledge that I gathered from the experience itself. I hated that my life was taken away from me ( my time) by spending hours with my kids and doing boring chores, but not more than going to school and learning stuff that didn’t fit to my interests or work that never met my life search for authenticity.
This podcast helps me to understand that the NT quality is not against me though, but not yet how to get along with NT and work with their skills and mine. Just wonder if you could do an NF women episode too?