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In this episode Joel and Antonia talk about strategies for getting yourself out of a bad mood.

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Personality Hacker
Personality Hacker teaches you the coding language of your mind and how to use it to create happiness.
Showing 9 comments
  • Kristi Kay

    This was a life-changing podcast for me. I am a harmony driver, and I’m currently studying for the bar and in a highly competitive trial advocacy program. As someone who uses extroverted feeling, approval from other people is incredibly important to me, but is unfortunately not something that I get a lot of in this context. This podcast really helped me to not feel down all the time, which was the case before it.

  • Alice Southern

    This is a great podcast, but I’m not sure that I necessarily agree with Antonia’s closing comment about finding ways to get out of a bad mood indicating some serious ego transcendence work! It might be for some people. But for me, I’m an Enneagram One and one of the many ways in which my ego shows up is in seeing a bad mood as a personal moral failure and therefore trying to get out of it as soon as possible 🙂

  • TC

    Hey, I subscribe to your podcast and just listened to a few episodes. The bad mood one resonated with me for two reasons. First, I am an enfp and feel strong emotions that regularly require my attention. You also mentioned mood management in relation to the hardship of having a child with special needs. I have a child with multiple special needs. I am grateful for the beautiful lessons learned, but it has never been easy and fighting a depressive state while keeping my child alive has always felt like the biggest hurdle. Often what is needed is getting Maslow’s hierarchy of needs met. Sleep is hard to achieve with the many rounds of illness, hospitalizations, doctor appointments and stress related to insurance coverage, job performance and financial struggles. Many times I advocated for my son from a place of justifiable urgency that also causes a great deal of anxiety.

    I learned to survive by delegating some vital tasks to others so I could sleep and so I could establish basic daily routines. It was at that point that I could focus on gratitude and quality time in relationships, my health and job performance. The grief over the lost dream of my child being typical is a constant companion, but when I’m practicing positively and have the support system in place, it no longer governs my mood.

  • SH

    Thank you for your podcast (inspirational, as always). I just got myself out of a bad mood/funk that lasted for two months (a very dysfunctional workplace). I find that for me (possibly INTJ), the best way is to go out and find things to do. In the past my tendency was to ruminate over the bad feeling/situation/people, but that only made me feel worse and more unhealthy.

    I got laid off two days ago, and felt very reactive and vulnerable. So I decided to try this new strategy. Although I was not “in the mood”, I asked myself to go out yesterday to watch people on the streets and had dinner with my family to celebrate getting out of that place. I also did a lot of housework and tried to help my family more. As I was doing these things, my mood did not get significantly better. But today when I woke up, I immediately felt lighter and more balanced. It’s like magic!

    (Also, watching people focusing on their tasks and solving problems with little emotional distraction calms me down. My choice was watching the Murdoch Mysteries 🙂

  • Marilyn Simurro

    I love the ideas of gratitude for what you have and for what you don’t have. For example, not having children had been an upsetting idea for me, but I’m actually very happy that I don’t have children. Not having children allows me to be open to other people. I have been a mentor to several young adults, and now I count their children as my “fairy grandchildren”.

  • TP

    I actually was in a bad mood when I saw this in my inbox this morning and initially dismissed it and thought “ugh. I don’t need to listen to anything THEY have to say. Grumble grumble perfect marriage. Grumble grumble perfect family and career …” Then I realized this response I had is very different from the usual. I usually love seeing PH in my inbox. So I realized that an aspect of me was resisting this info and trying to protect my bad mood. At the time I wanted to savor and wallow in my bad mood. At the time, it felt like Antonia and Joel wanted to “fix” my bad mood so that the people around me who “caused” my bad mood wouldn’t have to answer for it when I lash out at them and try to make them feel what I feel. It seemed like they were attempting to fix my bad mood not for my benefit, but because things are much more convenient for everyone else if I would just shut up and get over my bad mood. (Yes my bad mood self projects all sorts of intentions onto other people that probably aren’t accurate)

    Now on the other side of the podcast I am feeling much better but I strongly disagree with Joel’s suggestion of poking fun — it is invalidating, marginalizing and seems disrespectful. You wouldn’t do this to your friends, partner, or children (I hope), so why would you do this to yourself? I guess you could make fun with yourself instead at yourself, but unless you can, it seems like “poking fun” could cause more problems in the long run by fracturing the self — most people I meet don’t strike me as people who couid do this without some level of repression, suppression, or dissociation from their experience and themselves.

    I do like Joel’s suggestion of calling the emotion out like a child would because the aspect of you in a bad mood probably IS an inner child so this is a way that lets him/her voice it. As you said, you should only do this with people you trust and I think it’s bc the poking fun that would happen with people who aren’t safe to do this in front of would be deeply wounding.

    Antonia’s perspective and observations on harboring a bad mood as a strategy for solving a problem was very helpful as well as the observation that lack of sovereignty can trigger a bad mood — it helped me realize one reason why I do like to hold onto bad moods and helped me get out of feeling like a victim about it.

    Anyway in conclusion thank you for this podcast. You are beautiful people.

  • Dave

    You caught me on a great day to hear this podcast. I was not in a bad mood when listening, but did exercise methods of getting out of a bad mood shortly before listening.

    Today’s technique was to identify that I was in a bad mood, realize that the reason for the moodiness was unfounded and force myself into thinking about the upcoming weekend, that is going to be great. So, this technique was to just minimize the importance of the reason for the bad mood and shift my thinking to something positive.

    I listen frequently, maybe too frequently. So, frequently that I would like to ask you guys to lighten up on the “quote-unquote” inserts 😉 Or keep up the frequency and I will design a drinking game around it.

    This is a great podcast that has added value to my life and my relationship with my wife. I understand myself better and continue to work toward a better me.

  • Tanya

    I’ve been a grouchy, old mama bear for quite a few days now and I find it eerie how you people so often put out a podcast that coincides with something I’m going through in real time. I might be in a slightly better mood after hearing the podcast but not really. Usually I can pull myself out of it quite easily by vocalizing that I’m being a grouch. I’ll say to my kids “I feel like a grouchy bear today” or “My 3 year old is coming out and I need to put her away before she has a full out tantrum” or “I’m having a terrible, awful, no good, very bad day” which references a children’s book. Tea and cookies helps a little bit. Walking in the trees and having alone time usually helps me greatly. But something deeper is going on in my life right now. The mood is so bad that my joints actually ache with weariness. I’ve been accommodating the moods of someone else in the household for months and even years now, and I’m just not strong enough to keep it up anymore. I acknowledge that it’s up to me to change the way I’m dealing with it and to find a different route. But I’m lost at the moment. So I’ve given myself permission to go through what I need to in order to find a different direction. Right now that means I’m grouchy and sad and I need to be left alone. So I sit in the garden and let the warmth of the sun help relieve the aches in my joints as I try to zoom out and look at my life from above to find a different way.

  • GM

    This podcast is wonderful truely i enjoy listening to this PH always helpful. I was also in a bad mood before I heard this podcast, sometimes I don’t realise when I’m in a bad mood usually others will ask me if I’m ok that’s when i’ll notice that something isn,t fine. In short i just want to say i can relate to the previous comments i have felt some of those expriences to be more specific my ego which keeps me ground it’s like whenever i’m in a bad mood it’s so hard for me to get ride of it.

    I spend a lot of time thinking about it like why did i let that affert my mood also i agree with Antonia on the stuff she points out. Thank you

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