Podcast – Episode 0303 – Personal Lessons From INFP and INFJ Interviews

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In this episode, Joel and Antonia draw out personal lessons they learned by putting together the INFx Empowered program for INFPs and INFJs.

In this podcast you’ll find:

  • INFX Empowered
  • INTX Unleashed
  • Interview series – 6 high performing INs
  • Top 10 challenges INFs report:
    • Finding purpose
    • Establishing boundaries
    • Overcoming indecision
    • Feeling judged
    • Simultaneously desiring and fearing intimacy
    • Time management
    • Lacking assertiveness
    • Lacking motivation
    • Anxiety
    • Making money
  • Core emotion to all interviews was anger
  • Anger tied to permission
  • “Anger helped me give myself permission to create the boundaries to confront the people, set up the circumstances, achieve the goals, etc.”
  • Sadness often undergirds the anger.
  • But sadness isn’t as motivating as anger.
  • Anger is the catalyst
  • Anger can help us defend ourselves.
  • “Anger is just energy. Once you recognize that, you can use it to put you on your path.”
  • All emotions serve us in some capacity.
  • Understand why it’s there, what it needs, and how you can use it.
  • “Forgiveness is a process that begins with anger.”
  • Anger is how you can find yourself on the map.
  • Anger is closer to a tool than a weapon.
  • It has some legitimate applications.
  • Anger is the one time when some people shut off the perpetual deference to other’s interests and start expressing their own.
  • Nobody should stay in anger. It is a tool for a short time.
  • Each council member found patience and forgiveness for themselves.
  • When it comes to spiritual/soul hygiene, there is one thing that never changes: eat your vegetables.
  • Vegetables: Presence work. Mindfulness.
  • Don’t let the world rush you. Be patient. Trust yourself.
  • Be present with you.
  • Forgive yourself for your mistakes.
  • Presence gives you the ability to let go of energy-hogging experiences like self-criticism and perfectionism.
  • Dharma: Purpose
  • Presence cuts you slack in some ways and not at all in other ways if it applies to your purpose.
  • You don’t roll over and give up.
  • The voice inside that beats you up when you aren’t doing what you’re supposed to.
  • Self-discipline vs. self-criticism
  • Annie Lalla talks about creating a life that will attract the love of your life.
  • It’s premature to have love until you have self-love.
  • “Never make the past wrong.”
  • Stop beating yourself up for past sins.
  • Find joy in the little things.
  • See these things as expressions of love from strangers.
  • Every time someone does something for you, see it as a loving expression
  • Focus on the positive things.
  • Don’t focus on the negative things that happen to you.
  • Even arguing with your loved one can be an expression of love if it is for the benefit of the relationship.
  • Amplify the small beautiful things.
  • Fall in love with your life!
  • Who am I to be living this amazing life? I must be a fantastic person!
  • If you love life and love yourself you will become magnetic to others with the same vibration.
  • Magnify the mundane.
  • Betsy Garmon (INFJ) “Self-care is about self-knowledge.”
  • Know yourself and become intimate with your boundaries and needs.
  • Boundary setting is self-care.
  • Daniel Karan: Self-care is about the emergent.
  • If Daniel has something he doesn’t want to do, he knows when he has done proper self-care because he has the resources to do it anyway.
  • Plenty of sleep, nutrient-dense foods, getting to the gym, getting plenty of expressions of his love language, massage, etc.
  • Introspection. Understanding the things you need.
  • Give yourself quarter by preparing for the world and caring for your needs.
  • What have I been ignoring in my life? Sleep? Water? Exercise?
  • INFs have redefined self-care for themselves.
  • Daniel Karan talked about the importance of trusting yourself.
  • “Why would we not trust ourselves?
  • We use the same criteria to trust ourselves as we do a friend or family member.
  • How long would you trust someone who lies or isn’t reliable?
  • We promise ourselves all sorts of things , then we don’t come through. “I’m going to get in shape.”
  • “I’m going to eat better.”
  • “I’m going to spend more time with someone.”
  • We disappoint ourselves, so we don’t trust ourselves.
  • If you are feeling a lack of trust for yourself, what minuscule things are you doing to undermine that trust?
  • It’s about your relationship with yourself.
  • If you find a high performer, ask them a few questions about the things they’ve learned in their life.
  • Not everybody’s journey is one of insight and paradigm shifts, so make sure they’re high performers.
  • Become the best version of yourself.
  • What have you learned from people who are a different type?
  • INFX Empowered

 

In this episode Joel and Antonia draw out personal lessons they learned by putting together the INFx Empowered program for INFPs and INFJs. #INFJ #INFP

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Showing 10 comments
  • Nicholas Dunstan
    Reply

    I think it’s safe to say that the universe works in mysterious ways. I hadn’t listened to the pod cast for a little while and this morning at the gym when deciding what I should let rattle around in my head while working out I had a gut feeling that I should check out the Personality Hacker Pod Cast. Opening Google Podcast to find the episodes I wasn’t sure what I was looking for, I just had a feeling I would find something that might answer a question I didn’t even know I was looking to answer or, hear words that might help my mood/ mind set. Sure enough, near the top of the list and the only episode that caught my eye was this one. From all the online surveys I have taken (I know they aren’t the most accurate but it’s all I have for now) I am an INFJ and this episode really hit home. I am most definitely one of the people whose uses anger to make changes, although I refer to it as letting my give a F@#K meter hit Zero which then allows me to make a change. I was happy to hear I was also not the only one that shared the same struggles other INF’s have expressed in their interviews with finding purpose, self-care, and trusting myself. I just wanted to say thanks to the Personality Hacker team and look forward to checking out the INFX Empowered course and to implementing some of the suggestions from this episode.

  • Clara
    Reply

    Thanks for this great podcast and putting up this program. I’m sure it’s of high quality like the previous several ones I’ve had the chance to try before at PH.

    I would have two questions which might be of interest to others too, so I post them here.

    . Are there any empaths and/or hsp amongst the members of the Infx Council (if that can ever be shared)?

    . Could you share a bit more about the Study Guide?
    Since i started my self-development journey mostly based on self-help methods, I’ve found such ‘workbooks’ quite useful, not only to understand my way of functioning but also as a way to form and implement new routines, habits, be more in action in general. Hence, this question on ‘how practical’ the study guide is. I don’t ask about how deep it is because i know and sense the program will be!

    Thank you,
    Clara

  • S.U.
    Reply

    I think anger is also an important emotional component for an INTJ to break out of that exoskeleton that Antonia refers to in her article on INTJ found here.
    https://personalityhacker.com/intj-personality-type/
    As an INTJ trying to break out so to speak, anger is a recurring emotion.
    I believe that the final actions and attitudes allowing for breakout will involve lots anger.
    The anger would also act as a defense mechanism to protect “nougat-like center” as it is continually exposed to the external world as the INTJ moves forward. No one would actually see the anger because its all internal though.These are thoughts that popped up in my head listening to the clips in the INFx webpage about INFPs and INFJs and how they have found strength to be successful. Since INTJs also use Fi like INFPs I can see this program being helpful for them to.

  • Amanda
    Reply

    I’m sure this episode is helpful for some people, but most of this episode, for me at least, was like, “well yeah”. I sometimes forget that others have such a narrow view of self-care (I’m a counselor, so I guess that makes sense). The anger bit was interesting though, but not necessarily surprising. -INFP

    • Amanda
      Reply

      Oh but great job on the time-machine/ not beating yourself up piece! More people need to hear that particular message.

  • Jen
    Reply

    Love the anger discussion. INFJ here, and anger has played a huge part in my growth over many years. I learned that anger is an indicator that violation has taken place – and sometimes it’s me violating my own boundaries, values, or preferences. Sometimes it’s in regard to another person I care about – they have been violated. It’s an indicator that I need to take action and address violation. Yes. Absolutely anger helps. It is a good part of our emotions which serve as part of our navigation system. When it’s mishandled, there’s a problem. The feeling itself tells me a violation has taken place, and I need to figure out what’s going on and what I want to do.

  • Laurita
    Reply

    This is excellent! Loved the info about not going back to the time machine and beating yourself up for mistakes! So good 🙌🏻

  • Julie
    Reply

    Oh my gosh. I was casually listening while puttering when you stated the underpinning core emotion and I stopped moving. My mouth dropped open and I moved towards the speaker and was riveted. As an INFP, I identify with this very well. Thank you for this episode that has come up at, of course, the perfect time in my life. I’m working towards your INFx Empowered program!

    • Karen
      Reply

      Great podcast! Of course, I’m a fan of all of your episodes, actually. You asked what we’ve learned from other types. Mine is a long list, but the lesson I will say here is that I have learned a lot about the value of preparation from 2 ENTJs I know. As an ESFP, I tend to rely on improvisation. But I am so much more successful when I invest the time and effort in pre-work. Who knew? 😀

  • Elle
    Reply

    Wow! If I could only give this a million stars and just as many likes! I’m an infj and although happy to finally know my type… as of September 2019…this is the first time I have felt that a video/audio really gave me useful and specific strategies to balance myself. I couldn’t figure out what to do next. I had a greater awareness of myself through mbti and knew that I wasn’t just a strange bird out here alone in the world lol. But what do I do about those weak points, the things that make me feel like I’m living less than a peaceful and amazing life? This podcast begins to answer those questions for me. I have direction now because of this podcast. I just feel so empowered! Like I’m about to really live on purpose! Thanks so much ~INFJ

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