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In this episode, Joel and Antonia talk about the book “The Tools” and discuss the second tool: Active Love.
In this podcast you’ll find:
- Priming Exercise: call to mind individual or group of people that provoke or trigger you
- We tend to want to change the outer world: “If only this person would… “
- “The Tools” from Phil Stutz and Barry Michels
- Tool #2 – Active Love
- The mental maze we get into when we can no longer think of anything positive about someone and why it is a form of poison
- When feeling this way, how can we get un-trapped?
- Joel’s personal share: how this tool helped him feel more empowered during divorce
- 3 cues for when to use this tool:
- Someone does something that angers you
- You are reliving a personal injustice
- You are preparing yourself to confront a difficult person in your life
- The abstraction required to see this tool’s usefulness and why it is not about who is right or wrong
- The experience of injustice: we tend to believe that if we are good, the world will respond well to us, and how this may not match reality
- How to get out of fairness and the feeling of being wronged?
- Higher Force: Outflow
- Outflow: the infinite force that gives itself without restrain
- Example of using the tool in a non-spiritual way
- “Whatever we are feeling, there is something bigger” and how it can completely reverse our moods
- Exercise Description – Active Love
- Active love is not about understanding someone’s perspective, or intellectualizing the situation
- An Attack of Love to rid yourself of the toxicity – why this tool is not about the other person
- The 4 Greek Definitions of Love: Storge, Eros, Philia and Agape.
- Active Love relates to Agape Love: the idea of principled love based on the sole fact of someone’s existence
- Why people may resist this idea?
- The noble story our ego tells us about justice
- Active Love as an inner state, a way to take your power back
- “When you show up from an empowered place, you have earned the right to show up in a way that represents you at your best”
- Transactional Love – when love is used as a reward system and the risks that come from that
- Active Love can also be applied to political parties, a boss, someone you don’t know, a religious paradigm, etc.
- The desirable emergents you can expect:
- A way to get self-control – take back other’s ability to trigger you
- Assertiveness – knowing how to react before a conflict means you get to be more pro-active in your expression
- Acceptance – of ourselves and of others, and why you may want to start with applying Active Love to your own self first.
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