How To Love Yourself As An INFP

Listen To The "10 Minute Type Advice" Episode: How To Love Yourself As An INFP

INFPs are often told they’re “too sensitive,” “too idealistic,” or even “too unrealistic.” But here’s the truth: INFPs don’t need to earn love by being less of who they are. They are already wired for depth, passion, and authenticity. The challenge isn’t whether love is flowing toward them—it always is. The real question is: Can you receive the self-love you’re already sending to yourself?

In this post, we’ll explore what self-love looks like for the INFP personality type. We’ll walk through the Car Model of personality to identify how INFPs can set reasonable expectations for each part of their psyche. Along the way, you’ll discover how to build a stronger relationship with yourself so you can feel grounded, hopeful, and empowered in your life.

Self-Love as a Relationship with Yourself

At Personality Hacker, Joel and I often describe self-love in the same way we describe love in a romantic partnership: the love is always there, but sometimes the channel gets blocked.

For INFPs, it isn’t about earning worthiness through achievements. Instead, it’s about creating a good relationship with yourself. When your inner channels are clear—when your expectations of yourself match how your personality is designed to work—you can feel the steady stream of love that’s always present.

So, how does this play out in the mind of an INFP? Let’s look at the Car Model.

The INFP Car Model

Imagine your mind as a four-passenger car:

• Driver (Dominant Function): Your strongest mental process, where you feel the most certainty.
  

• Co-Pilot (Auxiliary Function): A growth path with high potential—what we call the “Parent” energy.
  

• 10-Year-Old (Tertiary Function): Playful but limited, craving validation.
  

• 3-Year-Old (Inferior Function): Uncertain and childlike—an area of aspiration and challenge.
  

For INFPs, the Car Model looks like this:

• Driver: Authenticity (Introverted Feeling, Fi)
  

• Co-Pilot: Exploration (Extraverted Intuition, Ne)
  

• 10-Year-Old: Memory (Introverted Sensing, Si)
  

• 3-Year-Old: Effectiveness (Extraverted Thinking, Te)
  

Each of these requires different expectations in order to keep the channels of love open.

Driver – Authenticity (Introverted Feeling, Fi): Set High Expectations

This is the heart of the INFP personality. Authenticity (Introverted Feeling) is about tracking what feels meaningful, aligning to personal values, and mapping the emotional terrain of life. It’s where INFPs show up with passion, conviction, and creativity.

How to practice self-love here:

• Dive deep into why you feel what you feel. Don’t just believe the first story your emotions tell you.
  

• Build your “emotional map” so you can recognize loneliness, joy, grief, and hope not only in yourself but also in others.
  

• Find your convictions and let them light a fire in you. Mature INFPs balance empathy with a strong moral compass.
  

• Create outlets for self-expression. Writing, music, art, or advocacy can help you regulate emotions without bottling them up or making them other people’s problem.
  

As I often say: “Don’t believe everything you think.” For INFPs, I’d add: “Don’t believe everything you feel.” Loving yourself here means going deeper into the story behind your feelings to find the truest thread.

Co-Pilot – Exploration (Extraverted Intuition, Ne): Expand the Territory

Your growth path is Exploration (Extraverted Intuition). This is the “What if?” voice, constantly generating possibilities, disrupting stale routines, and finding hope. Without it, INFPs can get stuck in their own inner world, ruminating and doubting.

How to grow with self-love here:

• Say yes to new experiences that stretch your comfort zone. The more reference experiences you have, the richer your emotional map becomes.
  

• Let yourself be playful and even a little weird. Exploration thrives when you give yourself permission to go against the grain.
  

• Use this function on behalf of others. Many INFPs light up when someone says, “I can’t see a way forward.” Your imagination can unlock doors others didn’t even know existed.
  

When INFPs lean into Exploration, they embody a buoyant hopefulness. They become a model of love in action—dreaming and taking the first steps toward those dreams.

10-Year-Old – Memory (Introverted Sensing, Si): Set Reasonable Expectations

Memory (Introverted Sensing) is the keeper of routines, traditions, and past experiences. As a 10-year-old process, it often plays tug-of-war with your Co-Pilot. Exploration wants novelty and disruption, while Memory craves safety and precedent.

Healthy practices for self-love:

• Build gentle routines and rhythms that keep you grounded without becoming restrictive.
  

• Track your growth over time through journaling or reflection.
  

• Enjoy hobbies that connect you with history, craft, or continuity—like photography, calligraphy, or cooking.
  

Unhealthy expectations to avoid:

• Expecting to feel “safe” before taking risks.
  

• Believing research or secondhand knowledge can replace lived experience.
  

• Relying too heavily on external validation for being “responsible.”
  

Instead, nurture balance by integrating Memory with Exploration: try new things, then reflect on them. Let the coin spin between disruption and stability.

3-Year-Old – Effectiveness (Extraverted Thinking, Te): Keep Expectations Low but Honest

Effectiveness (Extraverted Thinking) is about results, progress, and real-world impact. For INFPs, this part of the psyche is deeply uncertain. Society may measure you by your productivity, but tying your self-worth to metrics alone erodes authentic love for yourself.

Healthy expectations:

• Develop basic organizational skills and goal-setting.
  
  Practice candor in communication. Clear, direct language builds confidence and prevents passive-aggressiveness.
  

• Learn to accept constructive criticism as a tool for growth, not a personal attack.
  

Unreasonable expectations:

• Believing your entire value comes from external results.
  

• Expecting certainty here—you will likely always feel some uncertainty in this area.
  

The key is to integrate Authenticity and Effectiveness. Ask: How much impact do I want to make? What level of progress feels aligned with my values? That honest self-assessment strengthens your sense of self-love without overreaching or underreaching.

The Gift of INFP Self-Love: Equipoise

When INFPs set the right expectations for each function, something beautiful emerges: equipoise—a balance of equilibrium and poise.

A self-loving INFP:

• Aligns personal integrity with practical impact.
  

• Balances disruption (Exploration) with stability (Memory).
  

• Practices candor without losing compassion.
  

• Models hope in the face of life’s challenges.
  

This is what makes a mature INFP so magnetic. They embody authenticity without retreating into isolation. They dream without losing their grounding. They create ripples of hope that inspire others to do the same.

Final Thoughts

Loving yourself as an INFP means dropping the belief that you have to earn your worth through achievements—or through being “easy” for others to understand. Instead, it’s about building a relationship with yourself that honors your full emotional depth while also expanding into possibility, groundedness, and impact.

Self-love isn’t just a feeling—it’s a verb. It shows up in action: creating, exploring, speaking your truth, and honoring your rhythms.

If you’re an INFP, where do you most struggle to set reasonable expectations for yourself—your Driver, Co-Pilot, 10-Year-Old, or 3-Year-Old? Come share your story in the comments. Your voice matters—not just to other INFPs, but to all of us who are learning what real self-love looks like.

And if you’re ready to go deeper, the best next step is to get your INFP Owners Manual. Inside, you’ll discover practical tools for navigating your emotions, unlocking your creativity, and building a life designed for how your mind is wired. Don’t wait—start your journey of authentic self-love today. Get your INFP Owners Manual here »

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When you’re ready, here are five ways we can help you grow…

1. Reclaim Authorship of Your Life (Free Audio): Become the Main Character Your Own Life

2. Regulate your Body, Emotions, Thoughts, & Intuition with Self-Regulation Mastery

3. Understand yourself at a deeper level with a Personality Owners Manual

4. Master the Art of “Deep Reading” people in Profiler Training

5. Rewire your Brain & Build a Life that Fits You in the Personality Life Path