Podcast - Episode 0251 - Is Growing Your Copilot Even Worth It?

19 comments

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  • Isabella
  • November 17, 2018 at 2:21 pm

  I’m a young INTJ trying to develop my co-pilot. So far, over a cup of coffee, I’ve talked with professionals from the industry I want to break into (trying to establish a network for I see it as research), contacted professionals on LinkedIn and Instagram (including Nii from Personality Hacker!), went on my first solo trip to Seattle and had a chat over coffee with another professional (I had a whole itinerary written by me which I tried to follow), and currently am working with a life coach where I follow a plan to study my current interest every saturday, follow a plan to practice my piano every weekday, as well as a plan to clear my acne. I’m also trying to get out of my comfort zone and am currently crafting an email to propose self-employment services to my local network. All this I’ve done in the past 4-5 months. It took a long time to get out of my own way, to get out of the introverted feeling 10 year old I was indulging for years. I think it showed up for me as indulgence in the cerebral activities that kept me alone in my room for most of the day. Those activities and knowledge gathering I very much enjoyed and still enjoy in order to feed my 10 year old from time to time when I am exhausted putting myself out there (I’m a 5w6 too). The activities and knowledge gathering that I did outweighed the more important tasks I should of done before (like getting a job earlier, studying a marketable skill) and now I am trying to make up for lost time. Now I’m learning a skill set and creating a network and trying to be self-employed.

  Your podcast I’ve been listening to for 3 years, sometimes in the car on my lunch break at a time I didn’t know what the next step was in my life. Thank you so much for creating great content that kept my intuitive brain happy! I feel like my brain is more West Coast innovative while I live here in traditional Northern Virginia :)

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  • Immanuel Imevbore
  • November 16, 2018 at 5:43 am

  Yo bro. Fellow INFJ here. Congrats on your road into self-development. I’ve been on this now for a couple of years (3). Since I got profiled here by personalityhacker.

  I always get a feeling of angst when doing something new or being put in new enviroments or people.
  I think that’s something you just have to accept as who you are. The quicker you accept, the quicker you let go, the quicker you can focus your energy on mastering the new current environment.

  It’s good to be present (in the moment, calm mind) so you can be in Se and Fe mode if it’s required. Stop overthinking. Focus on the external environment, it will put less stress on you. You might enjoy it. And get active. Like trying to make people smile which I think is a good way to go. As long as you’re not being a people pleaser and breaking your back. Charm and charisma are priceless, effective and energetic.

  You can’t control the environment, you can control yourself. Speak up, act. With knowledge and practice the universe, people will respond to your will. Just be real, respectful and humble.

  Don’t be afraid of failing because you will never try. Don’t beat yourself up for not trying because you will make it hard for yourself for the next time. It’s a process, sometimes you can’t have it all. Accept it.

  Relax, stop worrying about a potential situation because you’re not in it yet. You can use that time and energy to focus.
  Research what new information you need and what skills to practice. Chill.
  When you’re in it, then you can act.
  If you’re nervous, in your mind worrying, beforehand you won’t be able to interact with things properly and people effectively. Focus and be mindful in the moment respectively.

  Don’t worry about what other people are thinking. You can’t control their thoughts. Don’t hesitate and censor your actions too much. Be in your own world. You will come across as confident. People respect and admire that.

  Have an objective. Focus in the moment, on people, what task you need to get completed. Set yourself a personal goal which will benefit you in the environment and in life e.g. be charming, or the best worker. Those skills will be transferable give you fulfilment and a sense of achievement. Ironically, will make you get the job done and be in your body/connected to the environment.

  Tools that help me include:

  Mindful meditation (sitting or can just black out lights and look at a candle or app on phone for 15 minutes a day), helps me stay present and let thoughts pass and not focus on them in the moment. Then I can apply it every day and in social situations .

  Books/Audiobooks/Information. Self-development and spiritual books are good. Body language and social dynamics topics are great for developing Fe and Se. Rinse and repeat.

  Dress socially appropriately. Apprearance is important. It doesn’t matter what you wear. But in work environments and places you want to affect it does. People will judge you by what you wear and what you look like.
  Be the chameleon and well-dressed man that you are by looking good in clothes people usually wear or approve of in that environment. Have your own style though. Be well groomed. You may garner more respect and comadre with others. You’ll feel good and more comfortable. Be open minded.
  When in Rome.. Respect customs.
  Don’t depend on this for confidence and freak out about it if you’re not always 100%. Bruce Wayne still kicks ass but the Batman is infamous. Wear the mask but know that without Bruce there is no Batman.

  Mimcry. Find and mimic an ESTP in your environment when it comes to social charm, techniques. Sometimes social interactions are as simple as they make it out to be. Doesn’t mean you can’t speak your mind though. Look at the ones who are well respected. Not just the ones who have an impact on you.
  Don’t just copy one because they are effective, look at the consequences of their actions. Don’t just do what they think if you don’t agree.
  Stick to your own beliefs and principles.

  Visualisation/Belief. I do guided meditations and visualisations. Check out Dr. Joe Dispenza, Aaron Doughty, Tony Robbins and Dr Bruce Lipton. They have a lot of content on YouTube.
  The whole point is that you can rewire yourself via neuroplasticity. We operate mostly subconsiously so by believing in being someome else we become that person. They mostly focus on reducing anxiety too.

  Breathe. Deep breaths are the best. Exhale well too. It will naturally relax you due to chemicals and how the body works. INFJ is the mind body connection.

  Practice. When you practice in certain situations over time you will be naturally good. You will find out what works for you.
  Be open minded. You may not know it all. Be prepared to re-learn.

  Be the best

  Joel and Antonia eternally grateful

• 

  • Ash
  • November 15, 2018 at 3:01 pm

  I’m in what feels like a weird no man’s land (for me, anyway) because recently I got fed up with my bad habit of turning social media (or social situations in general) into a game. Popping into threads with helpful info or affirming/connecting with people kind of indiscriminately (which I did a lot more in my 20s).

  I thought I’d done a lot of work there (I’d certainly become less measurably “popular” and bought myself more time for actual research, reading, skill building), but then found myself trying to apply the same almost cheesy inform/entertain/affirm/connect with All The People ™ in a brand new work arena.

  A couple of ENFPs, actually, and my ISTP partner mentioned to me that I seemed to not even be considering whether I liked the people I was trying to connect with. That was like a blow to the chest; I mean that seems obvious, right? Aren’t people supposed to be in touch with that? But I really wasn’t. I just had sort of a frantic need for them to like me, which is cringeworthy, even just typing it out. It’s my least favorite part of myself. So I’ve scaled my volume of interaction back over the past few months, only engaging when it makes sense to ME, and I’ve found A) I’m a little lonely xD B) I like myself a lot more C) I need to work on learning how to actually connect with the people I admire and can be myself around, because I’m not nearly as good at that as I’d assumed :grimace:

  I think maybe…when I was a kid, my folks had the habit of meandering in and out of leadership positions at just…multiple places of worship, and I was expected to be: liked, admired, perfect, a good example, never reflect badly on them, so they could swiftly prove themselves to their “new” community. So I got “good” (not really, but passable) at flattery/humor/making individuals feel seen, as a way of protecting myself from gossip/social scrutiny. I honestly have no idea how to start dismantling that whole persona/habit set, so for the time being, I’m spending a LOT of quality time with books/my kids/my pets.

  But I’m moving soon, and have the opportunity to start showing up as truer to my “inside self” outside of old-habit context, so time to start digging in, I guess.

  All that to say, this resonated.

• 

  • Antonia Dodge
  • November 15, 2018 at 1:48 pm

  He’s definitely a ‘tactics not strategy’ kinda guy.

  A

• 

  • Andrew
  • November 14, 2018 at 9:30 pm

  Yep, always picked Trump for an ESTP. Too tactically brilliant and situationally aware to be anything else.
  As my alter-ego I so much admired ESTP’s strengths that I married one. That was not fun despite “fun” being what she wanted me to provide.