Podcast - Episode 0318 - Pain and Self Deceit At Each Maslow Level

In this podcast you’ll find:

• Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
• Helpful model to diagnose challenges people experience
• Maslow’s is a vertical model – levels of ascension
• Maslow’s pyramid
• The lowest level is survival: food, shelter, sex
• Next level up is Safety and Security: sustainable survival that brings security
• Next level up is Love and Belongingness: relationship needs, connection, intimacy
• Next level up is self-esteem: What are we capable of? How competent are we?
• The final level is Self-actualization: Transformation. Metamorphosis. Radical sovereignty.
• You can flow in and out of these levels throughout your life.
• The choices you make at the top can move you down the pyramid.
• Not everyone who gets to self-actualization is a good person.
• Going up the levels doesn’t necessarily mean you are highly evolved.
• Maslow’s isn’t a model of morality or superiority.
• It is a diagnostic tool to determine what is going on for you.
• The closer you are to the basement of Maslow’s, the less buffer you have.
• Your survival could be in question if you are living in Maslow’s basement.
• The higher you are, the more buffer you have.
• Each level has it’s own pain if the need isn’t getting met.
• If you are feeling suicidal, you have kicked yourself down to the basement.
• Level one: Survival
• Physical pain. Poor health. Body betrayal.
• Pain is physical at this level, so there isn’t a lot of abstraction.
• Level two: Safety & Security
• Timeline extends. Abstraction increases.
• Pain points become more emotional than physical.
• Anxiety. Stress. Fear of losing a loved one.
• Level three: Love and Belongingness
• Also abstract. Emotional.
• Relationship challenge with the people in your life.
• The loneliness of feeling isolated.
• Loneliness is extremely painful.
• More people are involved in this level.
• More is beyond your control.
• It feels like you have less control the higher up you get.
• Someone going through a divorce can feel as threatened as someone in a survival level event.
• These first three levels are a constant in most people’s lives.
• Level four: Self-Esteem
• This level is even more abstract.
• Self-esteem comes from within
• You get to decide who and what you’re going to be.
• More subjectivity at this level.
• The pain point is failure.
• Spiritual challenges can arise here where your ego feels bruised after repeated rejections.
• It can be crushing to the soul to keep trying and never achieve.
• Level five: Self-Actualization
• The most abstract of all the levels.
• Radical sovereignty.
• You are the source point.
• This level is on you.
• The pain point deals with permission.
• “Do I have have the permission to be sovereign?”
• The pain at this level can look like an existential crisis because you are deciding what your footing is.
• This is as close to metamorphosis as human beings get.
• You can self-actualize more than once throughout your life.
• Caterpillars liquify to change into a butterfly.
• Metamorphosis can feel like you are liquifying and not sure how to put yourself back together.
• This is excruciating to the soul.
• It means changing your life so radically you have to rebuild from scratch.
• Sometimes the pain of self-actualization isn’t just putting yourself back together; it is realizing that the choices you make are sending you back to ground zero.
• When you reset your life, you can lose a lot.
• Divorce is common.
• Relationships can become unstable.
• Pain points of earlier levels follow you up the ladder.
• If you’re at self-actualization, you can choose not to self actualize.
• You can stay at self-esteem.
• If you are in self-actualization it is because you succeeded at self-esteem.
• Just like if you go from survival to safety & security, it means you succeeded at survival.
• If you go from Safety & Security to Love & Belongingness, it means you have created a baseline of safety so you can now turn your attention to community and love.
• If you go from Love & Belongingness to Self-Esteem, it means you have a good enough support system to build your confidence.
• And if you go from Self-esteem to Self-Actualization, it is because you have proven to yourself you can succeed.
• You can survive no matter what level you are in.
• And when you feel pain at the top, you feel the pain all the way down.
• As we move up Maslow’s Pyramid, we become comfortable in the lower levels.
• “I can’t adult today.”
• They are fearing upper levels and choosing the comfort of Safety & Security.
• Couples fight about money (Safety & Security) when Love & Belongingness is challenged.
• Or if you are venturing into Self-Esteem and feeling unstable, you will create drama in your relationships to keep you in Love & Belongingness.
• What level is the most comfortable for you?
• When do you jerk the wheel and return to what is comfortable?
• Don’t give yourself an out.
• Knowing your personality type and your Enneagram type plays into this system.
• What is your go-to strategy for dealing with things?
• What influences you?
• What is the story you’re telling yourself?
• Is it true, or is it a reflection of your past?
• Awareness is easier to find when things don’t go well.
• Reflect on the moments of emotional triggers.
• We tend to believe that self-awareness means change.
• Sometimes the value is merely recognizing that something is happening.
• It doesn’t mean you have to change, and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.
• You have to understand you are a node in every system that you don’t like.
• How are you feeding into that system?
• If everybody knew what was involved with personal growth, nobody would start.
• Most people aren’t ready for behavior change when the self-awareness comes.
• The self-awareness will create inevitable change.
• You won’t want to keep up the pattern once you see it for what it is.