Personality Types And Trigger Warnings - Part 1 | Podcast 0452

10 comments

• 

  • Antonia Dodge
  • September 17, 2022 at 1:23 pm

  Thank for the comments, Beth! Some good thoughts and take-aways.

  A

• 

  • J Robb Wilson
  • September 22, 2022 at 12:59 am

  I can’t say it better; “FAN-F@&$-ing-TASTIC.” Turns out that what’s behind the curtain (a wizard of Oz reference) is profoundly important both intrapersonally and in the big picture.

  Now, onward to the part 2 for INTPs.

• 

  • Beth
  • September 17, 2022 at 12:43 pm

  One more thought about how the common everyday usage of the word “trigger” in our culture right now is often inaccurate:

  I just heard someone say, “my husband keeps saying things that really trigger me.”

  When we use “trigger” in a way to accuse or blame the other person, we’re saying something like “YOU made me angry. YOU made me sad. YOU made me feel upset. YOU hurt me.” But of course, that is inaccurate. Really, factually, you said something, and when I heard it, I chose how I would interpret it, I chose how I would feel about it, I chose how much it would matter to me, and I chose how to respond. Sometimes big upset responses are appropriate! And of course it’s appropriate to hold others accountable if they have crossed a line. But the responsibility for my emotions and my reactions lies with me. No one else MAKES me feel something. Others take actions and I create my own responses.

  We use “trigger” as shorthand, but sometimes we fall into this trap of using it to blame others for what is actually in our own court / our own responsibility.

  I say this as someone with some significant trauma history. I know what it’s like to get poked in a sore spot. But it’s up to me what that will mean to me, and how I react in the moment also has a lot to do with how resourced I am at the moment. Well-rested, generally centered and calm, I might say, okay, ouch, reminding me of something painful, but whatever, I am more than this past experience. But if I’m tired, stressed, afraid, whatever, I might get more caught up in my pain, have a harder time remembering that I am more than that, that the pain is not still occurring, that this is today, etc.

  You said that in a future episode you’d talk about common triggers for each of the types. That kind of shorthand works, as in “what are common situations for my type that are going to lead me to have an out of proportion reaction that kind of makes me say, whoa, okay, there’s something deeper here,” that can help us learn more about our shadows.

  But this idea of blaming others for triggering us… that part we need to outgrow. I might hold others for being disrespectful, or for crossing a boundary inappropriately, for doing damage or being abusive. But it’s not accurate to hold others responsible for my own emotional life…

  In great gratitude!! :)

• 

  • Beth
  • September 16, 2022 at 5:15 pm

  Thank you so much, Joel and Antonia! Two thoughts in response:

  First, sometimes when a word like “trigger” takes on so much cultural meaning and baggage — it’s a very heavy word at the moment, it can mean so many different things to different people and in different contexts — I find it really helpful to try to say the same thing, but with different words, just to shake people out of their current mindset and encourage new thinking. For trigger, for me in this podcast it was more like, “times when I’m feeling really upset in a noticeable way in reaction to something, when that seems out of proportion, or maybe out of my regular sense of self control,” then, AHA, time to do some inner work! Another word that strikes me this way is “trauma” — we use that word to mean so many different things. In the podcast, sometimes I was translating that as pain, or as damage… Like when you described going to the gym as intentionally seeking out trauma but for a good reason, I rephrased that as intentionally seeking out strain, tearing my muscles in the right way, so they can grow stronger.

  Second, I’m sure this is obvious to you, but just to share an example. I’ve reached a point now where when I’m “triggered” — upset in a way that feels out of proportion or that has my parts up in a way that feels a little out of my control, I am finally able to say, whoa, okay, deep breath, step back, I clearly have some parts here that are worked up. Where is the sore spot that just got poked? Let me be grateful for the opportunity for growth, and let me be curious and ask, what can I learn here?

  With so much appreciation for all you do!! :)

• 

  • Kristine
  • September 15, 2022 at 1:23 pm

  FAN-F@&$-ing-TASTIC ???