Podcast - Episode 0090 - ENFJ Personality Type Advice

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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the ENFJ personality type.

In this podcast on the ENFJ personality type you’ll find:

• 50% of women use Extraverted Feeling – “Harmony.” No other cognitive function has that high a demographic breakdown.
• In our survey, ENFJs complained a lot about monkey mind. A tendency for one’s attention to be pulled in multiple directions.
• Harmony is aware of how people emotionally impact each other dynamically.
• Things that are culturally important, unspoken social contracts, ENFJs are masters at these.
• The driver process is Extraverted Feeling which we have nicknamed “Harmony.”
• Harmony is a decision-making, judging process. It informs how ENFJs make their decisions.
• It is extremely clear to ENFJs how people should be behaving around each other.
• They get called judgmental.
• They get confused when someone doesn’t see and obey the social rules.
• They bend over backwards to meet people’s needs. We should be responsible with each others feelings. They are baffled by people who don’t get it.
• Harmony is tied into the culture the person is raised in.
• If ENFJs get messaging that they aren’t allowed to stop working for others they might not slow down enough to ask if serving others is their highest priority.
• They are good at anticipating other’s needs so people just let them handle everything.
• The co-pilot is an introverted learning process called Introverted Intuition, which we have nicknamed “Perspectives.”
• ENFJs couple Harmony with Perspectives so they can predict people’s needs really well. “I already took care of it for you.” Getting needs met on a precognitive level. Thankless. Doing things without other people’s awareness.
• ENFJs may not get the appreciation they need and crave. They may feel like they are just serving all the time, which can get tiring. They fuel themselves on feedback.
• The only feedback they may get is when they fail to do something. Negative feedback.
• ENFJs often believe they need to be perfect. They can’t stop to take a break. Perfectionists. They want the feedback telling them they are doing the right thing and when the feedback doesn’t come they double down on service.
• When ENFJs do emote strongly in hopes of getting their needs met it gets met with rejection and dismissal.
• ENFJs 10-year-old process is Extraverted Sensing, which we have nicknamed “Sensation.”
• Perspectives is about watching the mind form patterns. Sensation is the opposite. It’s about being in the outer world and picking up sensory data – real-time, kinetic, adrenaline oriented data.
• For ENFJs this favors indulgence over sophistication. No ability to tell themselves to stop. Whatever is the fastest hit on senses.
• Can also be somebody who cannot stop and take a breather. Over indulgence in partying or self medicating.
• Perspectives is slow. Users of it must slow down to master it.
• Perspectives helps ENFJs go deep and look at their ideological stance. It also encourages them to go for quality over quantity.
• ENFJs are good at getting quick hits. They can walk into a room and get the culture of the room really fast.
• In the survey, many ENFJS said, “People don’t realize how deep I am.” “They treat me as if I don’t have anything intelligent to say.”
• Dive deeper with people. Because ENFJs do not lead with Intuition, they blend a lot more. They show up how others want them to show up. When they decide to start embracing their intuition it becomes uncomfortable.
• No one can survive just on their driver process.
• Perspectives shuts out the noise of the outside world.
• Exercise serenity. Yoga. Meditation. Don’t let others disrupt your calm. Read. Walk.
• Physical routine or activity to help you enter meditative state. Hypnotize that Sensation process so it doesn’t get into monkey mind.
• ENFJs don’t honor themselves as much as they do others. Giving themselves sacred space gives them permission to honor themselves.
• The 3-year-old process is Introverted Thinking, which we have nicknamed “Accuracy”.
• Harmony is about social truth. Accuracy is about nonsocial truth. Accuracy doesn’t want the human component corrupting the truth.
• Accuracy in the 3 yr old becomes very self critical. Litany of: “I can’t do anything right,” “I’m the worst person in the world.”
• Allow your 3 yr old to do something totally unsocial – video games, Sudoku.
• Don’t believe the self criticism.
• ENFJ icon is Oprah Winfrey. Sees herself as a teacher. This is a good way Accuracy shows up.
• Someone who can shine a light on the potential of other people.
• Accuracy doesn’t just have to be negative. It can be an aspiration.
• Developing Perspectives is how ENFJs find their power, build morale, and teach others to make healthy choices.
• Slow down and get into Co-pilot. When ENFJs show up healthy with an understanding of their power and worth they are super heroes.

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