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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFP personality type.
In this podcast on INFP Personality Type you’ll find:
- Why are INFPs misunderstood?
- The cognitive function is a mental process that helps you learn information or make decisions.
- The 4 letter code tells you how your brain is wired. It’s like an entrance on how you learn processes.
- Authenticity – Is a way that you (as an INFP) make your decisions which is more inclined what resonates with you the most as a person.
- INFPs understand emotions on a whole different level.
- Questions to ethics become very intriguing to INFPs. For example: “what determines an ethical or moral action?”
- Authenticity is very in touch with the subjective human experience.
- Authenticity is where we humans find conscience. Because that’s when we ask, “how do we honor people’s individuality?”
- Oftentimes, INFPs become masters of human experience in general.
- The ability to determine that something resonates is a maturity of the Authenticity process. As it matures, it understands that not everything they experience is the same as everyone.
- Do INFPs truly want to be understood?
- Nobody could be 100% understand them apart from themselves.
- INFPs feel being marginalized and dismissed way more than being misunderstood.
- INFPs seek validation.
- We want to acknowledge that they have a specific type of pain based from their personality type.
- Authenticity type should be balanced with Exploration. Exploration (the co-pilot function) is about advanced pattern recognition in the outside world – thinking behind the curtain.
- If you want more description or definition, check out our episode “Introverted Intuition VS Extraverted Intuition”.
- Your superpowers are developed when you learn to master your co-pilot.
- Art is one of the places where INFPs thrive.
- Art is a communication of feeling and INFPs simply flourish in this context. They create art that’s impactful.
- For INFPs, they tend to recall how they felt/reacted in the past.
- They have the ability to mirror emotions. They don’t need to mirror emotions in real time. For example, the can look at an art piece and mirror the emotion to themselves.
- Authenticity people tend to recall how they feel/how they imagined they would feel and then instantly replicating the emotion inside them.
- The emotional language can be transferred in long extensive periods of time.
- In order to be authentic, you need to have a mature and vast understanding of how the world works.
- Intent: The Darker aspect of Authenticity. INFPs tend to try to give a reason that’s combated with logic.
- INFPs tend to defend their intent, because they see a wide array of positive and negative intent. They understand how people can easily go and slip into bad intent.
- Healthy INFPs view everything has positive intent.
- Being able to understand that darkness is universal and part of the human experience will help you accept yourself.
- How to go about making a living as an INFP?
- Getting something done can sometimes be very challenging for INFPs.
- INFPs have the desire to make an impact and be an inspirational leader. Oftentimes, they will disregard the passion they have. Passion is extremely important.
- Authenticity people can have the tendency to marginalize people. Make sure you do what you’re passionate with. Check in with yourself what you really want.
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215 comments
So we have a dissagreement. I stand behind the notion that INFP’s tend to suffer more. Obviously – not objectively. They can have more wonderful lives than most people. If I take a needle and stick it in the rough part of your lower foot and then take that same that same needle and stick it with the same exact pressure in a delicate area in your body you would feel more pain the second time despite the fact that it was the same needle and pressure. This is what HSP is, and most INFP’s are HSP. We takes things harder. A truama in my extended family happened a few years ago. EVERYONE took it hard. I actually was certain I was handing it well, I wasn’t acting broken and tried to be strong and collected. And then I crashed. When I went to a phycoloigist (for the first time in my life) she brought this to my notice. She asked “why did you take it as hard as you did?” I replied “everyone took it hard”, and her answer was “you are the only one who needed to be here.”
Human experience in general is universal, BUT different people experience life differently. INFP’s are at core idealists. This makes it notoriouslly difficult to get rid of the emotion of dissatisfaction with life. There is a reason INFP’s are the most suicidal, the most prone to mental illnesses, the most unemployed, unmarried etc. Not everyone is equally idealistic or sensitive, just like not everyone is equally efficient, realistic, needs security, needs honor, needs to be successful etc. Everyone has different core needs and these develop different human experiences. Of course everyone needs and experiences everything, but human experience is also infinitely nuanced for different people.
And btw even if this pain is self inflicted, it still doesn’t change the fact that it is experienced more. There is an inborn tendecy in INFP’s to self-torment, but it is a something inborn that we strugle with (because of the functions etc.), not something we just do because we enjoy it (contrary to what some nonsense enneagram websites say).
I am thank God, a relatively healthy INFP. I am currently spending most of my time fighting for a cause I believe is worthy, I have learned to be assertive, confident, public speak, articulate my thoughts, speak about my emotions, socialize etc. But it took a lot of work, and I still struggle with the above.
Yes, definitely as sn INFP I feel marginalized and dismissed more than misunderstood. Peculiar pain sounds familiar, too!
I have just recently discovered personalityhacker, so I am late to add my comments here. I thought I would share a couple of things as an older (mid-50’s) INFP. The first is about explaining my decisions to other people who don’t understand or value my decision-making process. Our feelings of authenticity come from the core values we have developed and spend our entire lives refining. INFP values can vary greatly from one person to another, which is why some of us don’t fit the stereotypes that people expect from our type. When I need to explain to someone else why I have made a decision, I usually get better results if I frame it in terms of making a choice that that aligns with one or more of my specific core values. The second thing is about actually making decisions and that pesky thing about not knowing for sure whether a decision is right until it is already made. When I have to make a difficult or major decision, I do my usual thing to make a preliminary decision. Then I put all of my vivid imagination to work at really living with the decision. In a day or so my gut will tell me if it is the right decision. It used to drive my ISTJ husband nuts, but over time he realized that because of our shared values we usually come to the same decision using our radically different processes.
These comments are made in reference to the later part of the video. Please note that they do not apply to all INFPs, but I think they apply to enough INFPs to make them applicable.
Intense Feelings and the INFP: Antonia may be correct, to some degree, to suggest that INFPs have difficulty in staying present with intense emotions is a function of feeling it’s wrong. Intense emotions that are judged as “wrong” or “bad” may be disowned. Or it may seem as if there is not be a socially acceptable way to express these feelings. But I think it should be emphasized that some individuals who experience intense emotions are lack the CAPACITY to HOLD or TOLERATE these feelings through no fault of their own. Some people have simply never acquired the skills to deal with their feelings in a healthy or constructive way. For example, if you are an INFP and you grow up in an invalidating environment, and you are sensitive and you cry, you’re not going to get love, support, guidance and sympathy from a narcissist parent. I think this is why some INFPs may have a rougher time of it than other types. They felt misunderstood as children by their parents and this experience is later mirrored in adulthood.
Self Harm and the INFP: Cutting is a way to release intolerable feelings such as the pain associated with the rejection or abandonment of an important person in their life (which often is reminiscent of this experience in childhood), for example. I have a theory that because of the inherent sensitive nature of the INFP, growing up in an invalidating, emotionally/verbally abusive, or violent home can make the intensity of trauma response greater than it might be for another type (for example a sibling that is non-INFP) I think other personality types might be more immune from the effects of emotional abuse. (btw: empirical research has suggested that being subjected to emotional abuse can be more harmful than physical abuse in childhood).
The Universal Experience of Pain & Suffering: Buddhists understand this. And I also think INFPs understand this and can bring the gift of deep compassion and listening to the world, perhaps because they understand what pain and suffering is on a personal level better than most other people. I think Thich Nhat Hanh might be an INFP. Here’s a short interview with him about compassionate listening; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyUxYflkhzo Sounds like the INFP to me.
Why Not Feel the Full Intensity of Feelings?: People with a childhood history of trauma, abuse and neglect cannot realistically “go to ten and feel the emotion” as Antonia suggested because they are not fully emotionally regulated individuals. This means that they cannot choose to ‘dial down’ once they become overly sensitized by the environment. They cannot be present to the full range of their feelings because they have not integrated their earlier painful childhood experiences. I’m not saying this is applicable to all INFPs, but it might apply to some that experience difficulties with staying present with intense feelings. It’s natural for people to want to escape intense feelings because it can feel scary to feel a loss of control. That’s often why people use drugs and alcohol or take benzos – to numb the pain associated with intense feelings.
Invalidating Childhood Environments/Neuroscience: While many INFPS may not actually be trauma survivors, they may have felt invalidated as young children – they may not have felt seen, heard and understood – and that lack of validation and healthy attachment can cause in a person’s brain chemistry as neuroscience research demonstrates. Self punishment or self harm is indicative of a non-integrated state. It’s also can serve as a messenger that a childhood part of ourselves that is still dealing with unresolved pain.
I hope anyone who reads this knows that I am not trying to pathologize INFPs. I think INFPs great depth of feelings, sensitivity, compassion and creativity is a great gift to the world. I love INFPs. Unfortunately, the world is not always kind to sensitive souls. Although I am not an INFP, I have my own trauma history as an INTJ/INFJ I feel I can resonate with the depth of pain that some INFPs feel. I wanted to reach out to other INFPs that might feel they need some additional help. If you are someone who is still struggling with issues from your childhood past, please know that there are professional trauma therapists that can help you. On a personal note: I have found Jungian shadow work and archetypal work with a transpersonal therapist very useful in integrating the darker aspects of myself. There is nothing wrong with the dark. Wrong only comes into play when we try to deny it, displace it, reject it, project it onto others. There cannot be light without dark as Carl Jung wisely teaches us
There are lots and lots of posts about INFP and “doorslamming” (i.e. – just cutting people out of there lives with no explanation) in various Myers-Briggs INFP forums It can really be hurtful to an INTJ with a sensitive soul that in the words of Antonia and Joel (it’s a secret the INTJ doesn’t want you to know about). But the response by many INFPs, as I have read in attempt to understand their behavior, is that it’s a completely justifiable response because THEY were ‘hurt’ (not necessarily in abusive or emotionally manipulative, but rather sensitive to anything that hurt their feelings). I am a INTJ/INFJ who was doorslammed by an unhealthy INFP. I do think it was connected to the fact that I am direct and honest with my feelings. I expect the same kind of honesty from other people who I choose to have a close relationship with. I think it would be an interesting topic for Antonia and Joel to explore, as Tamagochi (INFJ) suggested, if they ever choose to explore relationship compatability and Type. I think it’s very connected to their desire to keep the peace and maintain no conflict within a relationship. Not a realistic expectation from an INTJ perspective. I understand the INFPs need for validation which is greater than most other types. And at the same time, there are limits to the amount of positive mirroring that others can provide. Sometimes relationships require truth telling for the purposes of maintaining an authentic relationship rather than the idea of an ‘ideal’ relationship where arguments never happen and couples always have loving feelings about one another.
I agree with Tamagochi (INFJ) that because an INFJ or INTJ can be so good at “getting into other people’s heads” sometimes that can set off the alarm bells in the head of the INFP. It’s like: “Oh my God! I have been found out!” From an INFP perspective, maybe it feels intrusive – an invasion of their private sanctum. Whereas from my perspective, I sincerely want to understand my partner in depth. This is a means by which I feel connected and intimate. I too have decided that I need to be able to not take “doorslamming” personally. Ultimately, we all have our own lives to live and grow as we choose. Some people act immaturely, regardless of type. I’ve decided that life is too short to deal with people that can’t discuss things openly and honestly. It’s still not easy not to feel personally rejected and regret the loss of a relationship that could have been…