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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
Wow Sho. The tears are brimming as I read this.
As an INFJ myself, one of the things I appreciated learning about our type is the profound depth of our attachments. When I was in my 20s and a relationship would end, I never could figure out why I grieved like someone had died, and why it took years to recover from it. When I lost ones in death (I’ve never lost a child. I can’t imagine how that feels.), I continue to grieve them years later.
I have created an alter to my dead loved ones. I put their pictures and mementos on a table with a couple of candles. When I am feeling particularly sad, or miss them, or it happens to be the anniversary of their death or birth, I will sit before this table, light the candles, and talk to them. I usually cry a lot and I share the memories and regrets that sometimes plague me.
Don’t ever let anyone tell you how to grieve. Grief is a very personal, private thing. Grieve your daughter in whatever way you see fit. As you said, you lost your future. I have heard of parents who grieve the rest of their lives over the death of a child. That is your right as a parent.
Thank you for sharing the links, Emily! The book looks very interesting. I really enjoyed the poem too. I think you are right that not all “Burden Bearers” are INFJs.
First… THANK YOU. Just three days ago I stumbled across “what is wrong with me”. After listening to and reading what I view as “a bunch of malarkey” by people saying how everyone wants to be like us then rejecting that because obviously they are not INFJ or they would not say that, I found this pod cast.
WOW! Now I understand why! It was the why that “got to me”. It was not the event itself but the why of it. I mean was I just this bad person that people felt I was disposable yet when disposed of it was obviously my fault because after all they had shared so much with me? Was I deficient because I could not understand? Didn’t everyone feel like me? We are all human beings so there must be something very wrong with me because I am doing this human thing all wrong. OK so that is where I was just 3 days ago and this is like WOW! I am not special, I am just different and being different is perfectly ok as long as I allow myself to be as different/unique as I give space for others to be.
As for Ghandi, Jesus and Martin Luther King Jr. Why would any of us want to be that? It didn’t work out so well for them now did it? For this reason, I believe that true INFJ’s withhold themselves from the world (our true thoughts and “knowings”) because we don’t want to be the savior of humanity, we know that humanity is capable of saving itself and yeah they really do kill the messenger in this world.
Gave up going to therapists after the 6th one (normally it happened about session 3 or 4) began utilizing me as their therapist. It was much more natural for me to encourage this than to tell a complete stranger what I was feeling and knowing that they could not understand how deeply things emotionally. It only took about 2 sessions to come to the realization that they did not understand so we might as well listen to them, right? It was interaction after all, right?
Due to the empathy (extreme) thing that all INFJ’s do people could not “get” what happened when my teenage daughter died as the result of an auto accident. I tried to explain it but people could not understand even though they said they did. I literally (it was a literal statement and not metaphorical) felt that I died that morning with her. I could not understand or resolve this but now with beginning to understand the INFJ that I am, this makes complete sense. I did die that morning. I was no longer connected to being her Mother and all of that died (the future) with her. This was experienced on such a deep level that it was impossible to explain to people who do not feel this deeply. I knew I was not using it for attention (simply who would want attention from this thing?) but needed to comprehend what just happened to me? I often said, “She is just fine now but I am wrecked”. Sounds narcissistic doesn’t it? It wasn’t or isn’t but being an introvert I had to understand why I felt as if I had just died and no one could explain it to me. Everyone just kept saying, time is the healer and well days, weeks, months, years went by and I still waited for this magic thing that would make the pain of her absence go away. Now I get it, only another INFJ could possibly understand the cutting away of another that we are “connected” to be it our child or any other in our life that we have chosen to “connect” to.
Thank you so very much. Now I understand the one way relationships through out my life and how I treasure beyond any wealth imaginable the few two way relationships I am gifted with.
Am getting ready to listen to this again and again until I feel strong enough to come out of my four year retreat from society.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you and still the words are not sufficient to describe the deep gratitude that is within my soul.
Wishing you all the very best.
Sho
Glad it resonated with you, Natalie. Thanks for the feedback!
http://www.amazon.com/Mystery-Spiritual-Sensitivity-Carol-Brown/dp/0768425921/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8 http://ciestess84.deviantart.com/art/Understanding-forever-No-cure-485843103
As an INFJ, I believe this book (first link) connects perfectly (through a christian perspective) with the INFJ’s ability to absorb others’ emotions. I don’t beleive all “natural burden bearers” are INFJs, but it is possible/ probable that all INFJs are natural burden bearers.
(p.s. The second link is just to a poem I wrote about some of the difficulties INFJs face.)