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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the needs and desires of the INFJ personality type.
In this podcast on the INFJ Personality Type you’ll find:
- This podcast episode talks about the INFJ personality type
- We have an unusually high number of INFJs represented in Personality Hacker
- INFJs have the tendency to feel very misunderstood.
- 2 important components to understand INFJs:
- Their mental process is called ‘Perspectives’. They’re actually watching their own mind work and form patterns. Because this isn’t something verifiable, other people just don’t believe them or reject what they radiate.
- INFJs pair Perspectives with Harmony. When a person with the INFJ personality type tries to figure out what to do, the first thing that pops in their mind is, “how do we make sure everybody’s needs are met?” This process is in tuned with unspoken social contracts that we accept.
- INFJs are very sensitive to the emotions of other people that they end up absorbing them.
- The more sensitive they are, the more they have the tendency hiding. The less expressive they get, the more pain they experience.
- It’s difficult for the INFJ personality type to build intimacy with another person.
- INFJs who are developed and growth oriented don’t retreat to coldness. They’ve taken the harmony process in order to understand and create healthy boundaries.
- INFJs are also able to see how things will play out in the future and this is one of the reasons why they are hesitant to build intimacy with other people.
- Because they are so aware of what’s going on with the other person, they end up having one-sided relationships.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr were probably INFJs.
- INFJs are not in the receiving end in victimization. They have extraordinary capabilities within them.
- If you are an INFJ personality type or know someone who is, here are a few things you need to note:
- You don’t have to absorb other people’s emotions and have it stay there. You need to develop techniques to let it go.
- Words have power and the way you describe yourself will become your reality. Change the way you talk about yourself and think of ways of being a co-creator. Create a reality that’s positive to you. If you change the word use, you can change reality.
- When getting everybody’s needs met, you’re basically part of everybody. Getting your needs met means you take care of yourself. Get sensitive to what those needs are in real time.
- Honor what you need in the moment and be willing to take care of it. This will help you get other’s needs met.
- Continue to look for people who understand you. Allow yourself to be understood and form the relationships you’ve been desiring.
- You can’t change that you’re going to absorb people’s emotions. Manage and learn strategies that will help you figure out a way to let the energy come in and go out.
- Do what you can to see yourself as a person who has positive things to contribute to the world. Focus what you got as gift and not as a burden to others.
Helpful resources for the INFJ personality type:
Developing Your INFJ Personality Type (by Donna Dunning)
The INFJ Personality Type (by Dr. A.J. Drenth)
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304 comments
Omgosh i was listening and i was nodding the hole time thanks a lot for making podcast.:)
After listening to this podcast, I wanted to make the same comment Hannah—Jesus, Martin Luther King, (we could add Nelson Mandela to this list)—when INFJs do bring their gifts to the world, the price is often self sacrifice (also trying not to sound victim-y here). I see dom. Intuitive types like pathogens (in the most loving way)—we infect the world with our ideas, sometimes through love (Jesus, MLK), sometimes through hate (Hitler). The people then react like antibodies—it’s unknown, it’s untrusted, get rid of it. What’s the solution? Inoculation? Introduce ideas slowly through deadened down, less threatening strains so the antibodies can incorporate it’s code? Not the best metaphor as inoculation still means the antibodies can get rid of the pathogen when it enters, but, perhaps you catch my drift.
Socrates (likely an ENTP) predicting his own death as a result of corrupting the minds of Athens with his new ideas comes to mind.
One point of INFJ pain I’ve been grappling with is recognizing sacrifice as not only the price of creation, but necessary for phase changes. This doesn’t mean literal human sacrifice, that is, ideally partial self sacrifice of ones own ego in order to incorporate and validate the egos of others, as well as self sacrifice of ones own desires if they hinder group survival. Podcasts like these are wonderful, they’re the inoculation, slowly teaching others how to appreciate and see perspectives different from their own.
The pain point is when I lose hope that we can achieve such self sacrifice on a wide scale, and worry that in the end, its always sacrifice with life. The pain point is knowing I’m hard wired to bring my Ni insights to Se reality in a way that affects positive Fe change, and knowing the bigger the insight, the greater the cost. Ignoring that “role” leads to pain, but stepping into the role also comes with the knowledge what kind of price tag that role can come with. Granted we are not all destined to be (and don’t need to be) MLK’s or Jesus, still, the small scale chastisement within our own tribes for the trouble our ideas sometimes stir can be crushing.
INFJ’s as fiction writers is no surprise—it’s a way to introduce ideas to the world in a non threatening manner, and hope the reader can interpret your lessons without you directly saying it. Stories and love are the only solutions I’ve found to that pain point—learning how to package the insight so it is helpful and non threatening. (which yes, sounds like adopting the copilot process of Fe. The way out is through)
Thanks for your feedback, Patricia. I’m glad you are finding a better way to live your life.
Your comment about carrying the pain of your family really resonated with me. As an INFJ myself, I recently became aware that I have always felt I needed to protect my family against the world. As I child, I couldn’t really do that effectively so I felt powerless and angry when someone on the outside hurt my family. I’m still working through those feelings too.
I really enjoyed this podcast – especially the tips on dealing with the issues that often come with being an INFJ.
My own experience as an INFJ being the youngest (12 years younger than my closest sibling) in a very dysfunctional family where a great deal of trauma and tragedy occurred was my undoing. I feel as though I “carried” the pain of the whole family. My super sensitive “antenna” picked up nothing but wounded-ness and broken people around me. I remember “counseling” my mother as a seven-year-old!
My childhood overwhelmed me before I even got out into the world. Even then, I remember “knowing” what kind of mood my mother would be in as soon I put my foot on the curb of our block!
Of course, I spent the rest of my life being attracted to “fixer-upper” people much to my own detriment.
I don’t say this as “victimology” – only that it’s taken me a long, long time to figure out what was going on. At this stage in my life I’m still struggling to find a way to use my gifts for the greater good which I have always felt compelled to do.
I appreciate your podcast because it has given me some insight as well as some things to contemplate on this journey. Many thanks!
Hi Mark! I emailed the episode to your comcast address this morning? Did you get it?